Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Separation Negotiations

1K views 12 replies 5 participants last post by  Pluto2 
#1 ·
They haven't quite started yet, but with a helpful device, I know pretty much exactly what my STBXW has told and been told from her lawyer from a convo she had.

We're in a equitable distribution state with fairly large assets. What I have on her - she committed adultery, and apparently hasn't told her lawyer this info, and my evidence is not huge and probably wouldn't be enough for both disposition and opportunity before a judge, but she doesn't know that, and more could be collected with a PI if I chose to spend the bucks.

From what I can tell she's looking for 50/50 split of everything, and to get everything over with as fast and friendly as possible, but also child support and possibly hardship payments. She would get more since I've put more into my 401k during the marriage and also my pension when i retire, and I've done all the savings myself as she moved up the executive ladder. Our main contention has been the religious upbringing of our child. Our salaries are pretty equal at this point, but haven't been that way our entire marriage.

My assumption is that she doesn't want to be divorced under grounds of adultery, for how it might affect her job, and the costs involved in that fight, etc.

My question is, how much will the knowledge of what I know
of her actions and wishes affect the negotiations? Can I ask for more of the assets? Leave our 401k/pensions alone? Give her legal custody (to raise child in her religion), but split physical and no child support? Or get ubertough and threaten to fight for sole legal and physical custody (I've begun documenting and being superdad the past few weeks only)? I think my attorney is pretty good, but I don't know what to have him ask for in the negotiations. Her's told her there probably wouldn't be any litigation and assigned it to one of his lower staff. I have the money for a long legal fight if necessary, but of course it's not my choice. And I assume it would do more harm to our child.

Ideas?
 
See less See more
#8 ·
It's not necessarily for use in court.

I've read plenty of cheating spouse's change their story after story making the betrayed spouse to be the root of the problem.

Also from a personal experience my cousin went through the same situation but had no evidence. At the end of the day his even his teenage kids didn't believe his side.

Having hard evidence and letting her know some details will keep her in check.

PI's are also a good idea but rather expensive. Since she is already home you have plenty of chance's to go through her stuff.
 
#9 ·
Is she still with this guy? Has she convinced herself that she's "in loooooove"? If so, drag, delay, depose. If she gets anxious enough to get out of the marriage and hook up with Prince Charming, she'll sign anything. In any negotiation, the party with the greatest motivation gets the worst deal. The adultary doesn't really matter much anymore. What does matter is who wants out more.
 
#10 ·
It's a work stress release thing, not sure of the love. I denied her the emotional things she needed as we grew apart, she turned to him. She lets him **** her because she can talk to him about her problems. Adultery might matter if his wife comes into play, and the effect on their jobs. She wants out of the marriage with me, with at least kid control, so at least I might not loose as much as I could/would/should financially. I feel in control now, but not sure how much I really have.
 
#13 ·
Agreed, Get the hard evidence. Proving adultery in court is much more difficult than most people realize. Everyone else in the world would believe she did it, but the court needs evidence. I'm sorry
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top