Wow. I just re-read some of the recent posts that I made in this thread. I just realized that I am a big, whiney baby when I am sick. Wow. I always thought of myself as a non-whiner...maybe on the outside I am, but I guess deep-down I am a whimp. Confession:
I *almost* deleted that NyQuil-induced posting from a few days ago. ...almost. While it was a very embarrassing rant, it was indeed "me" at the time. I am trying to be more authentic in my life, and not so guarded. So, I guess one way of doing that is to admit my weaknesses and let other people see me as I am.
...and, No. The weakness I am referring to is not my *slight* addiction to bad reality tv.
That's just a nasty habit--one that I am not willing to give up yet.
My main weakness is that I tend to close myself off to other people--especially when things get rough in life. I pretend like I can handle everything...that things aren't so bad. When things get overwhelming or when I am stressed to my max, I tend to roll myself into a cocoon and try to "fix" things myself--without the help of anyone else. I shut people out in the process. I did that last week. I was sick and tired and overwhelmed. I didn't ask any of my friends for help....I didn't call any of my friends and vent to them...I didn't let anyone in...Instead, I vented and embarrassed myself on an anonymous internet forum.
The bad thing is this--I get extremely frustrated when I can't "think" myself out of a problem. ...when I can't fix things with myself...or when I can't do an action to make life better for myself. ...or when I can't make my mind heal my body. It is absurd thinking. I know.
Sometimes you just have to let things run their course...and try to stay "on course" as best as you can.
But, I will say that many of your postings and threads helped me tremendously this week.
Here are just a few... Proudwidaddy
Your posting about bumming a cigarette off your co-worker got me thinking. When I read that, I immediately thought, "That is wrong, Proud. That is not moving you forward". ...but, then I thought that I have been doing stuff like that all week. Sometimes, when life is overwhelming and I am hurting, I let myself "go" and do things that I know are not productive or good---like take a double dose of NyQuil and drink a glass of win.
Sure, we all need to give ourselves a break once in a while--but, I think I have been giving myself a break a little bit too much. I have let my mind wander a little too much--I have been indulging in those thoughts of "could haves" and "should haves" a bit too much. Too much of this can be destructive to our progress. You are on track to a healthier "you", Proud
!--no more cigarettes!....and no more NyQuil/Wine nights for me! Conrad/SoVeryLost
Your brief mention of vulnerability got me thinking about where I want to be in life....it helped get me back on track a bit...It helped remind me that I need to be more open. Vulnerability is a good thing--it makes us human and helps us form true and deep connections with others. It reminded me that I don't have to play the part of the perfect, put-together working, single mom all the time. I need to let more people in to my life. Thanks for the reminder.
If you hadn't seen this...I posted this on SVL's thread..but, I really enjoy this talk...I sometimes listen to it when I am feeling disconnected from life and people in general. It reminds me of the power of vulnerability: Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com AngelPixie
Your fabulousness this weekend inspired me. I went for a really long run this morning--and I just enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the sun beating down on my shoulders, and I enjoyed listening to the new bands I was discovering on my MP3 player...and I was watching all my neighbors prepare for their big barbeque celebrations. ....and at the same time I was mentally making plans for what I was going to do with my son when I picked him up this afternoon. I think I will grill out, invite some friends over later on, take our dog on a really long walk, and hit the beach up tomorrow. Thanks so much for the inspiration.
I am so happy to have my energy and health back--and I am going to make the best of it.
To quote a really bad t-shirt slogan--"Life is good"
Thanks everyone for helping to get me back on track.
p.s...I failed to mention Canguy
--but, he always lifts me up, and helps elevate my thinking..daily....as you do for so many others on here. You are such a source of wisdom...and compassion. Thank you for that, Canguy. I appreciate that more than you know. Truly.