jpr

Wow. I just re-read some of the recent posts that I made in this thread. I just realized that I am a big, whiney baby when I am sick. Wow. I always thought of myself as a non-whiner...maybe on the outside I am, but I guess deep-down I am a whimp.

Confession: I *almost* deleted that NyQuil-induced posting from a few days ago. ...almost. While it was a very embarrassing rant, it was indeed "me" at the time. I am trying to be more authentic in my life, and not so guarded. So, I guess one way of doing that is to admit my weaknesses and let other people see me as I am.

...and, No. The weakness I am referring to is not my *slight* addiction to bad reality tv. That's just a nasty habit--one that I am not willing to give up yet.

My main weakness is that I tend to close myself off to other people--especially when things get rough in life. I pretend like I can handle everything...that things aren't so bad. When things get overwhelming or when I am stressed to my max, I tend to roll myself into a cocoon and try to "fix" things myself--without the help of anyone else. I shut people out in the process. I did that last week. I was sick and tired and overwhelmed. I didn't ask any of my friends for help....I didn't call any of my friends and vent to them...I didn't let anyone in...Instead, I vented and embarrassed myself on an anonymous internet forum.

The bad thing is this--I get extremely frustrated when I can't "think" myself out of a problem. ...when I can't fix things with myself...or when I can't do an action to make life better for myself. ...or when I can't make my mind heal my body. It is absurd thinking. I know.

Sometimes you just have to let things run their course...and try to stay "on course" as best as you can.

But, I will say that many of your postings and threads helped me tremendously this week.

Here are just a few...

Proudwidaddy Your posting about bumming a cigarette off your co-worker got me thinking. When I read that, I immediately thought, "That is wrong, Proud. That is not moving you forward". ...but, then I thought that I have been doing stuff like that all week. Sometimes, when life is overwhelming and I am hurting, I let myself "go" and do things that I know are not productive or good---like take a double dose of NyQuil and drink a glass of win. Sure, we all need to give ourselves a break once in a while--but, I think I have been giving myself a break a little bit too much. I have let my mind wander a little too much--I have been indulging in those thoughts of "could haves" and "should haves" a bit too much. Too much of this can be destructive to our progress. You are on track to a healthier "you", Proud!--no more cigarettes!....and no more NyQuil/Wine nights for me!

Conrad/SoVeryLost Your brief mention of vulnerability got me thinking about where I want to be in life....it helped get me back on track a bit...It helped remind me that I need to be more open. Vulnerability is a good thing--it makes us human and helps us form true and deep connections with others. It reminded me that I don't have to play the part of the perfect, put-together working, single mom all the time. I need to let more people in to my life. Thanks for the reminder.

If you hadn't seen this...I posted this on SVL's thread..but, I really enjoy this talk...I sometimes listen to it when I am feeling disconnected from life and people in general. It reminds me of the power of vulnerability:
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com


AngelPixie Your fabulousness this weekend inspired me. I went for a really long run this morning--and I just enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the sun beating down on my shoulders, and I enjoyed listening to the new bands I was discovering on my MP3 player...and I was watching all my neighbors prepare for their big barbeque celebrations. ....and at the same time I was mentally making plans for what I was going to do with my son when I picked him up this afternoon. I think I will grill out, invite some friends over later on, take our dog on a really long walk, and hit the beach up tomorrow. Thanks so much for the inspiration.

I am so happy to have my energy and health back--and I am going to make the best of it.

To quote a really bad t-shirt slogan--"Life is good"

Yes...it is.

Thanks everyone for helping to get me back on track.
p.s...I failed to mention Canguy--but, he always lifts me up, and helps elevate my thinking..daily....as you do for so many others on here. You are such a source of wisdom...and compassion. Thank you for that, Canguy. I appreciate that more than you know. Truly.

proudwidaddy

JPR.....you are right, no more cigarrettes at all for me, even once in awhile....I went for a nice run last night, felt good.

In the next few weeks I'm going to sign up at a local gym so I can take my working out to a next level (an air conditioned level) :-)

canguy66

That very kind of you, jpr, and right back at you. If I could, I'd give you a big hug right now.

__________________
“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.” - from Cast Away

angelpixie

jpr, again you sound so much like me!! I act exactly like you when I get overwhelmed. I don't reach out for help, mainly because I was taught not to -- I never felt I deserved it, or that what I was dealing with was bad enough to need extra help. I'm learning that now, all these years later.

And I love Brene Brown!! I've been reading her book, The Gift of Imperfection (I think that's the title) and also I Thought It Was Just Me. So good!!

We take one step back every once in a while. That's OK. The most important thing is to keep moving forward.

__________________
Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. -- Rumi

jpr

I have to share this funny story...

My mom is quite a character sometimes.

She is always sending me articles about celebrities who are going through a divorce..telling me things like "If Sandra Bullock can get through this, then so can you!"

Today, she called me up all excited because she just bought a new People magazine/National Enquirer/US Weekly-type magazine what was titled "Pregnant and Betrayed!"--with a picture of Reise Witherspoon and one of the Karadashin sisters on it.

She told me, "Those two are so pretty...and look! They were cheated on too!...AND they were pregnant too! See! You are not alone. It happens to a lot of people! "


Oh mom...

Hahaha.

Conrad

jpr,

Let her know you've got the reality series idea on hold for now.

But, thank her for her input.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

warlock07

That was incredibly cute

bandit.45

jpr does have a way about her doesn't she?

jpr

Awwww...you guys are sweet.

I am blushing. That deserves a few embarrassed faces.

warlock07

Yes,she does...so cute and adorable..


And she teases you a lot bandit even though canguy is clearly the winner by a long shot

bandit.45

I'm too rough around the edges for jpr.

Oh well...

unsure78

thats all right bandit, you can always come over to my side. im think im a little more rough and tumble than jpr- i work with big tough contractor guys all the time and have a great bossing them around
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jpr

Oh, Bandit...I like your rough edges. ..they are extremely titillating. ...and make you incredibly attractive.

Part of me has this great urge to try to see if I could be the one to "smooth" those rough edges a bit. It is very, very tempting.

proudwidaddy

Huh Huh JPR said "titillating" :-)

angelpixie

OK, boys, calm down!

__________________
Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. -- Rumi