He has a super fancy car. Our son spilled a little juice in it last month, and he flipped out and blamed me for not putting the sippy cup lid on all the way.
Oh, for God's sake, really!?! We should make a list of all of the exact things we've dealt with from our exes: the extreme over-the-top selfishness, the self-pity, the blame-shifting, the obsession about their cars, their lack of concern when it comes to their kids, their obsession with other women, and publish a handy checklist/guide for women to help them see when it's time to dump their losers, er, husbands.
I'm so sorry that you and SO are dealing with this, and that your little ones are so sick. It's hard enough to watch them suffer, and to keep it all cleaned up, then to get sick yourselves, all with no help -- it's just not fair.
I love frigginlost's idea for both of you. Extra hugs to you both. I hope you and your kiddos feel better soon.
And jpr, you made me giggle with your editing due to the wrong emoticon!
Sorry you are going through this. Hope your son gets better soon. Having a sick child is the worst. One feels so bad for them. And your ex .... I'd get banned if I say what's on my mind. The poop in the car idea sounds terrific. Good night. Posted via Mobile Device
jpr - so sorry to hear of what a jerk your ex is being. It's one thing when they're an a$$ to you, but to have so little regard for their own flesh and blood, the little soul you cherish more than anything and anyone in this life, really has a way of getting under your skin!
My son is deathly allergic to eggs, and what's in flu vaccines? Eggs of course. So when it comes time to vaccinate him, instead of getting the full shot, his body can only handle very small, de-sensitized doses in order to safely metabolize the egg in the vaccine. So each year we sit through two separate 8-hour appointments during which my son receives a shot in each leg every 15 minutes. Talk about excrutiating. I used to beg my husband to come to the appointments with me, but he never would. After we got home from the last appointment last winter, I'll never forget how pi$$ed he was at me for not picking him up something for dinner on my way back from a grueling 8-hour appointment full of doctors and nurses poking and prodding our son.
So hang in there! I know what you're going through. And although I of course want my son to have a positive relationship with his father, I hope one day when he's older he'll look back and remember that it was Mom who was always there for him. And even if he doesn't, I'll still know I've been the best d@mn Mom I can be, and that's good enough for me. Posted via Mobile Device
Well, today is a new day....and I am choosing not to let this get me down.--not to let HIM get me down.
My son is doing much, much better today. We took our dog out for our morning run...and it was a beautiful morning. This is the first week of my summer vacation. In the middle of our run, I took off my headphones and decided to just listen to my son sing to me from the stroller. It was wonderful and amazing...and I just felt so fulfilled at that very moment. --like I couldn't possibly want for anything more in my life.
This is his loss. All of this. It is so sad. My ex does not know what life is all about. His main excuse for leaving me was because he didn't think he could lead a fulfilling life with me. But, it seems like my ex is continuing to seek fulfillment in the same things that left him feeling hallow in the first place. He couldn't come to our son's doctor's appointment yesterday because he had to go to the gym. He says that he needs his gym time to help regulate his moods. He refuses to deviate from his schedule....even for people he supposedly loves.
...and that is just sad--for him.
He continues to seek fulfillment in his routine, his video games, his work, and and his gym time.
...and I am just so thankful that I am out of that cloud...I feel like I am finally free from my former life of constant eggshell-walking and subservient behavior.
.....or is it behaviour? ....Canguy has me so confused...
jpr - so sorry to hear of what a jerk your ex is being. It's one thing when they're an a$$ to you, but to have so little regard for their own flesh and blood, the little soul you cherish more than anything and anyone in this life, really has a way of getting under your skin!
My son is deathly allergic to eggs, and what's in flu vaccines? Eggs of course. So when it comes time to vaccinate him, instead of getting the full shot, his body can only handle very small, de-sensitized doses in order to safely metabolize the egg in the vaccine. So each year we sit through two separate 8-hour appointments during which my son receives a shot in each leg every 15 minutes. Talk about excrutiating. I used to beg my husband to come to the appointments with me, but he never would. After we got home from the last appointment last winter, I'll never forget how pi$$ed he was at me for not picking him up something for dinner on my way back from a grueling 8-hour appointment full of doctors and nurses poking and prodding our son.
So hang in there! I know what you're going through. And although I of course want my son to have a positive relationship with his father, I hope one day when he's older he'll look back and remember that it was Mom who was always there for him. And even if he doesn't, I'll still know I've been the best d@mn Mom I can be, and that's good enough for me. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks for your kind words, SVL.
I sometimes think that too. I once expressed concern to my counselor that my ex's lack of empathy for others might rub off on my son. My counselor reaasured me that I shouldn't worry about that. She said my ex will likely have very little influence on my son in that way--given the small amount of time he will actually spend with him.
I, too, want my son to have a positive relationship with his daddy. Every little boy needs a daddy. I don't know how this will all play out in the end....and how my son will remember his childhood. But, I want to make sure that I love him and treasure him for each and every moment--even the poopy ones. ...those are the moments that count. Everyone can be a good parent during the fun times...the cute times. Those times are easy. It is the tough times that make the difference, though.
You were there for your son during those grueling flu shots. (how awful!). You have a special bond with your son in a way that your ex will never know.
I am sorry you had to go through that alone, SVL. That is just awful. ...the future can only get brighter, right?
Oh, for God's sake, really!?! We should make a list of all of the exact things we've dealt with from our exes: the extreme over-the-top selfishness, the self-pity, the blame-shifting, the obsession about their cars, their lack of concern when it comes to their kids, their obsession with other women, and publish a handy checklist/guide for women to help them see when it's time to dump their losers, er, husbands.
I'm so sorry that you and SO are dealing with this, and that your little ones are so sick. It's hard enough to watch them suffer, and to keep it all cleaned up, then to get sick yourselves, all with no help -- it's just not fair.
I love frigginlost's idea for both of you. Extra hugs to you both. I hope you and your kiddos feel better soon.
And jpr, you made me giggle with your editing due to the wrong emoticon!
I know! ....it is amazing how similar a lot of our ex's are. At least now we know what NOT to look for in a partner.
I actually judge people by what kind of car they drive--the fancier the car, the less attractive I find them.
...the giggle: I wasn't sure if anyone read those little "reasons for editing-things"
So, someone needs to remind me of this when I start to get all brokenhearted and mushy about my ex...
Our son has been sick for the past 4 days. Vomit. Diarrhea. Horrible.
My ex had him for a few hours on Father's Day...our son vomitted in that time. Of course, when that happened, I got a frantic phonecall asking me what to do...and hinting that I should come pick up our son early.
Over the past few days, the sickness has gotten worse. I have been trying to keep my ex informed about stuff regarding our son. So, I have been sending him updates and texts. ---yet, I get no response. Today, I texted him and told him that I was taking our son to the doctor. I told him that he could come to the appointment if he wanted. (I made the appointment during a time that I knew my ex would not be working).
No response.
So, I took our son to the appointment by myself...no big deal, right? I do that stuff all the time (my son vomitted all over my new car on the way to the doctor's office, though. )
After the appointment, I still had no response from him. Nothing. He didn't even think to inquire about the appointment or his son. A few weeks ago, my ex asked me to point out to him when he was being a selfish person and not a good dad. I don't really think that is my job, but I decided to do it anyway. I texted him the following:
"I have made every effort to keep you informed on our son's sickness, yet I have not heard any response from you".
He immediately called me and had some lame excuse for not returning any texts or emails. I told him I was too busy to talk to him right then (I was cleaning the vomit and poop out of my car for the second time in 2 days), and that i would email him the details of the doctor's appointment later.
..I did email him later on and explained that our son has a virus and I explained what we should be feeding him and I told him about the medication he was on.
Hours went by. No response.
I finally got a response. His response basically said the following:
1. Sorry to hear that our son is sick.
2. Good luck not catching it.
I think my fuse is pretty short because I have been spending most of my days and nights cleaning up poop and vomit. But, I am just so very very irritated right now.
I am so irritated that I am going to use an annoying animated emoticon.
...and to think, just one week ago, I was really feeling badly for my ex. I was genuinely concerned about him...I was taking pity on him,and I took him out to eat to make him feel better. I tried to encourage him and tell him he was a good dad. I tried to be more positive with him.
He is and will always be a selfish a$$.
Sorry jpr but your ex sounds like a real jerk of a dad to me,
Thanks for your kind words, SVL.
I sometimes think that too. I once expressed concern to my counselor that my ex's lack of empathy for others might rub off on my son. My counselor reaasured me that I shouldn't worry about that. She said my ex will likely have very little influence on my son in that way--given the small amount of time he will actually spend with him.
I, too, want my son to have a positive relationship with his daddy. Every little boy needs a daddy. I don't know how this will all play out in the end....and how my son will remember his childhood. But, I want to make sure that I love him and treasure him for each and every moment--even the poopy ones. ...those are the moments that count. Everyone can be a good parent during the fun times...the cute times. Those times are easy. It is the tough times that make the difference, though.
You were there for your son during those grueling flu shots. (how awful!). You have a special bond with your son in a way that your ex will never know.
I am sorry you had to go through that alone, SVL. That is just awful. ...the future can only get brighter, right?
That's right. My son and I have a beautiful life together, and when his dad wants to, he's welcome to be a part of his son's life as well. If that doesn't happen, though, we'll be just fine.
In that Children in the Middle class I had to take, the facilitator, who was a crisis management specialist, said there was a study done specifically on children who had gone through the divorce of their parents at an impressionable age. The study concluded that if the child had at least one positive adult relationship in their life - could be with one of their parents, a grand-parent, etc. but it only had to be one person - then that child could effectively cope with the divorce and emerge relatively unscathed emotionally. That gave me some peace of mind because I worry that my STBXHs demeanor will rub off on our son as well and that he will grow up to be as spiteful and resentful as my STBXH. But life experience and the love, care, and compassion I show and teach him will outweigh the negatives. Of that I am certain. Posted via Mobile Device
That's right. My son and I have a beautiful life together, and when his dad wants to, he's welcome to be a part of his son's life as well. If that doesn't happen, though, we'll be just fine.
In that Children in the Middle class I had to take, the facilitator, who was a crisis management specialist, said there was a study done specifically on children who had gone through the divorce of their parents at an impressionable age. The study concluded that if the child had at least one positive adult relationship in their life - could be with one of their parents, a grand-parent, etc. but it only had to be one person - then that child could effectively cope with the divorce and emerge relatively unscathed emotionally. That gave me some peace of mind because I worry that my STBXHs demeanor will rub off on our son as well and that he will grow up to be as spiteful and resentful as my STBXH. But life experience and the love, care, and compassion I show and teach him will outweigh the negatives. Of that I am certain. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks for this, SVL. DS's emotional health is a very strong motivator for me and trying to get myself emotionally healthy. STBXH is nearly histrionic most of the time when he has to deal with any adversity, and I do already see some of it rubbing off on DS. It is better, I think, for a son to have a strong daddy as an example, but if that's not available, what can we do?
I have been a little down lately...so, please humor me while I get these thoughts out of my head.
I guess the best way to describe my recent mood is "ho-hum"...mixed with a little "blaaaahhh"..and a few sad faces:
Yep. That about sums it up. I have just sort of been "down in the dumps" lately. I am off for the summer...my sister's family was visiting last week, but since they left I have just been a little...well.. "ho hum".
I was so excited to start this summer. I have so many projects that I want to accomplish, but I just can't seem to find the energy to do them. I know I have the power to lift myself out of this mood--I know I have that power inside me--but, this weekend, it sort of seems like I am not willing to take the steps necessary to lift myself up and out of this. I am sort of wallowing in my "ho-hum"-ness and "blaaaah"-ness.
But, I need to stop the wallowing before it goes too far. I know that. ...and it starts today.
Even though I have been down lately, there have had a few positive revelations. Here they are:
1. My blah-mood has nothing to do with my STBHX. I rarely think about him. I am not sad or down because he is not in my life anymore. I am just a bit sad and down because I am a little lonely...but, I definitely don't miss him. Nope. Not at all. I am so happy not to have to see his face each morning, and I sometimes go the entire day without thinking about him at all. So, that is good.
2. I have made progress with my dreams. About a week ago, I had a dream that my STBXH moved home because he wanted to "work on us". It was a strange dream...in the dream, I felt trapped....like I had to let him move home...like I had no choice. In my dream, I felt forced I to go to counseling and I had to accept him back into my life. It was just a horrible feeling. In my dream, I was so afraid of going back in time...I had made so much progress with my heart, and I didn't want to go back with my STBXH. I just DID NOT want to go back there. When I finally woke up, I just felt this sense of relief--I was just so relieved to be laying in bed alone (...well, with my dog...). I let out an "aaaaaahhhh", and my dog sighed, rolled over and put his head on my stomach...and we were both just so content in that moment. ...and I was just so happy with my current life.
3. Further progress with my thinking...My sister's family was visiting last week. The last time I saw them was at Christmas-time. I remember being in my sister's home at Christmas time and having to excuse myself to go cry in her bathroom. I would look around her house and see her kids and her husband. "THIS was a REAL family", I thought to myself. "THIS is how my life should be". I knew that my son would never know a life like this, and my heart just hurt so badly. However, when my sister and her family were visiting, I realized that I have really grown to appreciate my life for what it is. I was proud of my home, and how well I take care of it. I was so proud of my little boy. He was so well-behaved, and just so cute and so sweet. I love my nephews sooo much, but they were a little wild and uncontrolled. My son is almost 18 months old, and he is calm, and cool, and awesome. He knows how to treat animals...and how to behave in a restaurant. My sister's kids...well..not so much. But, I felt good about myself because I did that. ..sort of. My son was such a colicky baby...so very, very difficult. In fact, at Christmas time, I think my sister couldn't wait for us to leave because he was so high-maintenance. Since my STBXH moved out, I have been in charge of my son (he is with me over 75% of the time). I was so worried that my son would inherit my STBXH's "high-maintenance"-attitude. ...and difficultness. But, since my STBXH move out, my son has gotten a lot more "chill" and relaxed...like his mom. ...and that makes me feel good.
I guess I could sum all this up by the following statement:
I feel "in control"--of my house, my dog, my son, my finances, my life...my happiness.
I know I have been in a "ho hum" and "blaaaah" mood...but, I also know that I am in control of this. I have the power to lift myself up out of this...and that feels so good.
A few months ago, I felt just so out of control...especially when I was in limbo-land. I would cry all the time--uncontrollably...but, now... Well, now I am back in the driver's seat.
Yes, I am sad right now...but sometimes life is a little "ho hum" at times. I am sure another wave will come rolling in soon enough...
Jpr I know what it is like to yearn for a family. My ex was not able to give me children, and even though I know it wasn't her fault, I still feel the rage welling up in me when I see dadfs out with their sons and families out having fun.
You will have a real family one day. You will meet a man who will be a real husband and partner and who will be a role model to your son. Just be patient. I know it gets depressing sometimes. Posted via Mobile Device
It's ok to have down moments. This past week I've been up and down up and down. Like bandit, I believe you will find a great partner in the future, a good husband, father figure for your son. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: This is hard. 
...the future can only get brighter, right? 
