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Not sure how to act...

2K views 16 replies 6 participants last post by  Kearson 
#1 ·
So my husband and I are getting a divorce...eventually. He works and I am a stay at home mom to our 3 year old.

I am sleeping in the guest room. We have worked out what things he will be paying for (bills, my school books, part of my student loans, food, etc) We have worked out who gets what when I move out. I will be here until I finish my degree and find a job. The soonest I can be out is early 2014 unless I win the lottery.

My husband has been pretty laid back about the whole thing. I think he gave up caring a long time ago and it just took me longer to get with the program.

He wants to stay married for the tax benefits, and so that he can put me on his work health insurance when it becomes available.

Logically, this is all great and makes sense and is super duper... however...

We are divorcing because my husband and I are incompatible emotionally and sexually. I need hugs and kisses and sex... he would prefer to never touch me, or be touched, and looks at sex as a chore that he is too tired to bother with.

I have needs that my husband can't meet, which is why we are calling it quits. But if we stay married until I'm ready to leave, then that means almost TWO MORE YEARS without being hugged, kissed, or laid... I know now that I cannot do that. I just can't.

Having an affair is out of the question. Although I believe that my husband fully deserves to be cheated on for being an ignorant mess of a human being, I cannot do it because I gave my word to keep my pants on, and I'm not going to break my word.

So while I am trying to reconcile this dilemma, I have my husband wanting to continue on with life like nothing is wrong. He comes home and parks himself in front of his computer, and any time he talks to me, it's to complain about work. Frankly, I don't care. I want so badly to tell him that I don't want to hear it...that I don't care if his job sucks, and that if he wants someone to listen to his crap, that he can find someone else. Why should I be there for him when he has totally abandoned me physically and emotionally?

I'm not sure if I am justified in that feeling, or, since he is still supporting me financially, if I have some 'obligation' to humor him and listen to him.

I am so horny and annoyed and my mind is just a chaotic mess right now. I need to get laid. The last thing I want to do is sit and listen to my husband complain.

So, I need opinions... should I suck it up and listen to my husband complain since he is still being reasonable and offering to support me until I'm ready to leave?

Or should I just avoid him so that he doesn't have the opportunity to complain to me about work?
 
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#3 ·
How would he react if you sat down beside him st the computer, pulled out a hitachi magic wand and got down to business? Especially if he was *****ing about work. You can explain it as you making the best of both worlds. He gets to get work off his cheat, and you get to get off.
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#4 ·
Kearson: Before you do the 180 and call it quits; and since your husband is employed and must have some form of health coverage, I'd highly advise you two to immediately get into MC(Marriage Counseling). I have no idea if his behavior is being governed from his childhood, his romantic past, or what; but a skilled counselor could get to the bottom of it and tell you if you have a realistic hope of saving this relationship. They may be able to help him cope with his insecurities and coach him hopefully back into your arms. Conversely, the counselor will be able to pinpoint any of your personal contributing shortcomings.

I totally feel your frustration, but for the sake of trying to keep your family together, I would highly recommend that in your case, the two of you attempt to make one last ditch effort to go the counseling route before calling it quits.

You not only owe it to yourselves, but more importantly to your child. I wish you all nothing but the very best.
 
#11 ·
My husband and I are the same weights we were when we married almost 4 years ago (And I had a baby in that time. I gained 21 lbs during my pregnancy and lost it all within 3 weeks after the birth.)

I'm not sure if he's had a severe drop in testosterone, or if being sober just killed his sex drive, but yeah... he claims to have no interest at all.
 
#15 ·
My husband makes $10/hr and we live with his dad, and have since we married.

My husband has never lived on his own. He's either lived with his dad, or been in a college dorm. He's never had his own place, never bought his own car, and every time he has been drowning financially, or gotten in trouble, his father has bailed him out. Honestly, I don't think of him as much of an adult, and his outlook on life and things in general really reflects that he has lived a life of never having to be responsible for himself.

Believe me, if I could move out and be able to provide for my son, I would... like, yesterday. In the area we live in $10/hr is nothing to live on... even if we BOTH made $10/hr we'd be struggling to survive on our own. This is why I have gone back to school to get a degree...well, technically it will be my third degree, but the first two are pretty useless in the job world.
 
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