05-08-2012, 05:10 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
| | Re: No respect for my husband
You can't expect him to be someone he's not, but you can work with him and help shape the way he grows and the way the two of you grow together.
If he is not willing to protect you, then it seems that is one major male role he is not willing or capable of assuming - however maybe he felt you are the strong one when it comes to social conflict. Or maybe he doesn't perceive a threat because his defence mechanism for conflict is to simply let it bounce off of him. Maybe he was unaware of the attack you were under, and when you mentioned it after he probably felt bad and worthless for not recognizing it or feeling empowered to do anything about it.
If someone threatened to physically assault you would he run away, stand by paralyzed or intervene?
I have always been conflict avoidant too, when called out to a fight I simply don't show up, then if they call me a coward I just shrug my shoulders and say so what, what difference does it make that we didn't pound on each others faces? I have always thought that if necessary I have it in me to stand my ground but I've honestly never felt the need to. Maybe that is being a doormat, maybe it is just being wise, sounds like your H has the same attitude.
You can either understand the wisdom of not caring when people attack you and just letting it bounce, or you can try to make him fight for you, but to me that is just a form of manipulating him and he will build resentment to you.
Maybe learn to respect that your H is who he is and by choosing to stick with that is actually a form of self respect - he is disciplined and has self control, why do women consider that a bad thing or spinelessness and why is it such a turn off? When it counts he is probably the most loyal man you will ever know, and when it comes to a real threat he would probably lay his life on the line for you.