05-13-2012, 08:40 AM
Join Date: May 2011
| | Re: Not in limbo anymore..but just filled with so muchsadness
Maybe some day, many years from now, our husbands might pause long enough to ponder the consequences of their actions. Right now they are totally focused on their own lives and leaving us behind as quickly as they can, because they wronged us, and they know it. They can't stand looking at us right now. They feel guilty as hell, but they're not willing to reveal that to us, or even to themselves.
Right now, they will do anything to justify what they have done, put their needs first, convince themselves that it's not that big a deal, and plunge ahead without a backward glance at the wake of devastation they are leaving behind. If they did, they'd feel like crap, and they can't deal with that.
You and I are left picking up the pieces, trying to cobble something of a family back together with a father vanished, and find a way to breathe again. Nothing is harder, but this is what we are facing now. We are looking at new territory. We have no choice but to start walking.
Try not to wonder too much about what is going on in his head, and if he will ever feel sorrow at what he has done. That wastes your precious energy. Screw him. It's time to be as selfish as he has been, and take care of yourself as best you can.
I'm sorry you are suffering. Those nights of crying and hoping your child doesn't hear you are very familiar to me. One day at a time, one breath at a time. **hugs**