Mothra777

So, the rollercoaster of emotions continues! She is moving out this Saturday and all around the house are packed boxes. The reality is setting in.

I mean, she has treated me like a piece of dirt in the past month during our 'in home separation' and it has been hell. So I should be glad to see her go right? But deep down all the initial feelings of sadness and fear of the future are starting to rear their ugly heads again.

Also on the night that she moves out we will be both attending a mutual friends birthday party....talk about awkward.

I was feeling quite good last week but have returned to a bit of a low now. Canguy recommended some books on another thread and the one titled Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends sounds like the right one for me.

Anyway, I am off for an intensive 10km bike ride to get some of this negativity out of my system

canguy66

Ouch... I've been in your shoes. Went through the same thing this past January and February. It was a very difficult and wrenching period. She was (mostly) happy to move out while I was absolutely devastated.

Keep reminding yourself it gets better and that you'll be ok. It's normal and ok to feel sad, uncertain and stressed about the future, and there will be rough roller coaster rides. Hold on tight.

Good to hear you've got a physical outlet for this. Mine was walking. Keep busy, talk with friends, vent and share your success on TAM, read self-help books, allow yourself to feel sad and release emotion, and keep focused on moving forward.

Feel free to PM me anytime. I'd be glad to offer support as you go through this.

__________________
“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.” - from Cast Away

bandit.45

Mothra my house feels incredibly huge now that my ex and her belongings are gone. I actually stay in one room most of the time and avoid the biggest parts of the house. Its like a cavern.
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Mothra777

@Bandit - we just finished renovating 2 large rooms that will be mostly empty and unused now. It's going to be strange and very quiet.

But I also realise that it is over between her and I and it is an important step in moving on. Being separated in the same house was a horrible limbo that I do not wish upon anyone.

@Canguy - thanks for the support. Your posts about moving on have been inspirational. I hope I can one day get somewhere close to where you are now.

Kurosity

I have no love for limbo and as sad as it is I am glad that that part is over for you because limbo is a unique kind of hell and no one should live in it.

Some of the best words of wisdom I have ever read have been on these boards and some from the posters above. I have never been where you are but I just read your post and wanted to not "walk" on by it but post my best wishes for you in the steps ahead of you.

Good luck and chin up.

Mothra777

Thanks Kuriosity. I have a long road ahead but I will get there. The emotions are similar to when a loved one dies...except here the one you love(d) is still alive and kicking. It's very hard to deal with. I am sure this weekend will kick me in the guts quite hard but I also hope it signifies a path to a new beginning.

Honeystly

Yes, i just recommended that book to somebody Rebuilding When you relationship ends is amazing. I just read the whole thing first and now I'm working step by step with my shrink. Highly recommended. Chapeter 16, Relatedness made me especially better. It talks about rebound relationship, or healing relationships as he calls them. They apparently don't last and hurt especially bad when over because the dumper in the marriage is thinking about the future rather than present. I can't really explain it, but if you want to feel better and more hopeful that book is a MUST.

Andy968

My wife moved out a month ago and I felt the same way you are. I helped move her furniture, hooked up appliances, etc. Even cut her grass because it was ten inches long. Anyhow... I felt like I could throw up for the week it took to get her moved out. First week was hard being in an empty house. I want to encourage you because three weeks later, I found I'm doing much better. I'm enjoying my kids and myself. I'm not bogged down by the emotional tension we had in each others presence. I can focus on my kids, my house, and work on myself (180/NC). I finding separation isn't necessarily a bad thing in my case. I can't speak for you, but you may find some relief as time moves on. I wish you well.

canguy66

Definitely something to look forward to. What a relief that was.

__________________
“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.” - from Cast Away

Mothra777

Andy968 - I agree it will be a relief not to have that emotional tension floating around the house. I am sure our 7 yr old son has picked up on it and is doing him no good.

I am not helping move or hook up appliances at her new place. She has asked her brother to help with that. I kind of feel bad that I am not offering to assist but at the same time she chose to leave and her behaviour in the last month (flirting with guys on dating sites behind my back) is not something I can forgive or forget in a hurry. So I would only feel like I was being used as a 'back up husband' if I was to assist with the move.

The lost Husband

Must say the whole limbo thing is for the birds. Growing up I can remember my mom tell me the worst thing a parent could go through was having a child kidnaped. Reason is you dont know if your child is alive or dead.
I liken that to the limbo feeling I felt a few weeks ago before i caught my wife having an affair. It sux my marriage is over. That being said I'm glad because now I can begin to heal. Don't get me wrong the emotional roller coster sux. But at least I can have up moments at times.

Mothra777

I have my up moments too...helped along by doing the 180 purely for myself.

Also on the weekend just gone I got to take my son on a coastal holiday with a group of friends. He played with their kids, swam at the beach during the day and at night the adults drank wine and ate fine food. I got to talk about everything that has been going on to some very supportive friends (2 of whom have been through it all before)

I took my son fishing on the beach and I am the most hopeless fisherman going! But I caught to decent size fish in half an hour and he got so excited. It was a great father/son moment. It was a fish BBQ that evening followed by more wines and beer.

It was a weekend of positive energy and good times...then I came home to all the packed boxes and got hit with sadness for the first time in a while. I'd imagine it will be up and down like this for a while. But I know I need to set a good example for my son and moping around pitying myself is not going to do that.

Mothra777

3 days to go. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...

I am planning to party pretty hard at a friends 40th on the Saturday night she moves. Sunday's hangover will be interesting...I hope I don't find myself in a 'pity pit'

bandit.45

You need to not even be there when she moves. Disappear until you know she is gone. She doesn't deserve a goodbye from you.

Mothra777

Yep - I will be out all that day and also that night. I won't be there to say goodbye or lift a single item of furniture. She'll be feeling some Bandit style darkness for a good while too.