Quick Background (I’ve posted my story in detail yesterday) – My common-law partner of 6 years came home on May 3rd and told me we were over. He refuses to go to MC stating that it was not ‘one thing that can be tweaked’ it is many things. We had always made the promise to each-other that we would be honest with each-other if we were no longer fulfilled in our relationship. We are listing the house this week and I am moving out this weekend. We are getting along fine – but I am absolutely heart-broken and he keeps trying to console me – which obviously doesn’t work. He is going away this weekend while I move, so I plan on leaving this letter for him. We have no joint assets or accounts – so it will be a relatively clean break. I love him so much and want him back SO bad – and perhaps by “letting Him Go’ – that can happen…
Opinions please!!!!
Dear **stbx**,
There are so many thoughts and emotions that have been running through my head like a hamster wheel these last few weeks. I just wanted to leave you with a few parting thoughts. I wish you all the best **stbx** and I love you very much.
**my name** parting thoughts to **his name**
You are an amazing father.
You were a great lover and friend.
You deserve to be loved and adored (which you were)
You deserve a well balanced relationship (which we weren't). **He is 51, I am 37. He is wealthy – I am not. He is very responsible, I am not. He is a neat freak – I am not.
That I'll be Ok.
I want the green Guinness shirt. **his favourite t-shirt that he used to wear on our lazy Sunday afternoons when we would read the paper over fresh brewed coffee.
I can’t believe you are now my ‘Ex’. I just can’t believe it.
That sometimes falling in love isn't worth the crawl out of it (my current motto)
Don't be at all surprised if I become a lesbian.
That I respect your decision.
That I respect you.
Communication is the key- something we were lacking.
I will always be here for you.
You have my heartfelt blessing to maintain a relationship with any of my (our) friends.
Apparently make-up sex is blow your mind good- if you ever choose to go that route.
I never understood the true meaning of heartbreak until May 3.
I will miss you **insert wracking sob here**
I'll be Ok.
Listening to 'Someone Like You' by Adele on repeat is a very bad idea. I do not suggest it.
There may be times when I become angry with you- it is the grief talking, not me.
I've learned a lot the past 6 years- but not enough. I will continue to work on my issues and on myself with a new found diligence.
Whenever you meet 'The One' , please tell her you love her everyday.**he rarely told me
I still believe in my heart that you were the love of my life- which makes me miserable.
I never ever want you to feel guilty.
You still owe me a trip to Paris.
With all my heart I've loved you.
You've provided us with a beautiful life and a beautiful home for many years. I am grateful.
Please don't text and drive anymore.
And so my love, with this- I bid adieu to **our names** Most Excellent Six Year Adventure. I wish it could have been much, much longer.
In my opinion, there is dignity in silence, and I think you will better serve yourself if you write this letter and mail it to yourself than giving it to your ex.
I recommend that you "give him the gift of missing you."
"I still believe in my heart that you were the love of my life- which makes me miserable.
I never ever want you to feel guilty.
You still owe me a trip to Paris."
Look. I can tell that you're hurting. But this whole passage comes across as insane.
Rather than contemplating your loss, perhaps your time and energy might be better spent thinking about how little he thought of you and everything you brought to the relationship.
He didn't respect you enough to marry you.
He didn't respect you enough to even try to go to counseling to work through the problems the two of you had.
I'm not pointing these things out to be a d1ck, but rather to give you pretty huge examples of how unbalanced and crappy your relationship actually was.
For God's sake, get up, dust yourself off, and go find somebody who likes you enough to invest in having a relationship with you.
This guy does not merit a farewell letter from you, now or ever.
Let him be the one realizing that he lost someone special, wondering what he could have done differently.
I think you are writing this letter to get him to come back. Not to say goodbye.
Once he reads the letter and doesn't come back, you will be angry that you poured out your heart and soul to him.
I think you should keep this letter. Give it a month or two. Be strong. Move on. Let him see what he is giving up. After some time passes and you still feel the same, send him the letter.
OK - you guys may have saved me from humiliating myself even more by giving this to him. I am sending you all a big hug!
It is how I feel. I DO want him back. In moments I do FEEL like I am going insane...
Allrighty then...perhaps I'll tuck this one away for a bit (or I LOVE the idea of mailing it to myself!!)
Here is my version. I took out stuff that seemed to be needy and asking of him
Dear **stbx**,
There are so many thoughts and emotions that have been running through my head like a hamster on a wheel these last few weeks. I just wanted to leave you with a few parting thoughts. I wish you all the best **stbx** and I love you very much.
**my name** parting thoughts to **his name**
You are an amazing father.
You are a great lover and friend.
You deserve to be loved and adored (which you were)
You deserve a well balanced relationship (which we weren't).
That I'll be Ok.
I can’t believe you are now my ‘Ex’. I just can’t believe it.
That sometimes falling in love isn't worth the crawl out of it (my current motto)
That I respect your decision.
That I respect you.
Communication is the key- something we were lacking.
I will always be here for you.
You have my heartfelt blessing to maintain a relationship with any of my (our) friends.
I never understood the true meaning of heartbreak until May 3.
I will miss you
There may be times when I become angry with you- it is the grief talking, not me.
I've learned a lot the past 6 years- but not enough. I will continue to work on my issues and on myself with a new found diligence.
I still believe in my heart that you were the love of my life
I never ever want you to feel guilty.
With all my heart I've loved you.
You've provided us with a beautiful life and a beautiful home for many years. I am grateful.
Please don't text and drive anymore.
And so my love, with this- I bid adieu to our Most Excellent Six Year Adventure. I wish it could have been much, much longer.
In my opinion, there is dignity in silence, and I think you will better serve yourself if you write this letter and mail it to yourself than giving it to your ex.
Should I do this???
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toffer
Here is my version. I took out stuff that seemed to be needy and asking of him
Dear **stbx**,
There are so many thoughts and emotions that have been running through my head like a hamster on a wheel these last few weeks. I just wanted to leave you with a few parting thoughts. I wish you all the best **stbx** and I love you very much.
**my name** parting thoughts to **his name**
You are an amazing father.
You are a great lover and friend.
You deserve to be loved and adored (which you were)
You deserve a well balanced relationship (which we weren't).
That I'll be Ok.
I can’t believe you are now my ‘Ex’. I just can’t believe it.
That sometimes falling in love isn't worth the crawl out of it (my current motto)
That I respect your decision.
That I respect you.
Communication is the key- something we were lacking.
I will always be here for you.
You have my heartfelt blessing to maintain a relationship with any of my (our) friends.
I never understood the true meaning of heartbreak until May 3.
I will miss you
There may be times when I become angry with you- it is the grief talking, not me.
I've learned a lot the past 6 years- but not enough. I will continue to work on my issues and on myself with a new found diligence.
I still believe in my heart that you were the love of my life
I never ever want you to feel guilty.
With all my heart I've loved you.
You've provided us with a beautiful life and a beautiful home for many years. I am grateful.
Please don't text and drive anymore.
And so my love, with this- I bid adieu to our Most Excellent Six Year Adventure. I wish it could have been much, much longer.
Love,
me
Or this (which I loved by the way - thank you so much for taking the time) ??? Or should I still hold off for a month or two?
If you send the letter, you are sending the message that you were eternally happy and that you will just be waiting for him to change his mind and come home.
He will think that he can do his own thing for a while and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, you will be there for him.
Just saying goodbye and moving on will say that you can live without him. He may start thinking about what he lost and that you might not be there waiting for him. Your silence might make him come back sooner.
Do the 180. Work on yourself. This will be better for you in the long run. You might find someone else. He might come back. Put yourself in the situation where it is your choice.
I agree that silence is better...who knows how you will feel in a few months? What you may regret? Join those of us 180ing. You will be in fabulous company, if I do say so myself. Posted via Mobile Device
I too did the letter writing at one point. Wrote her this letter about how she deserved better blah blah blah. Said all the wrong things etc etc. It was right after she found out I had snooped through some of her things (although I ended up finding stuff).
Wrote it, left it on the door. In the morning when I got up for work (she was sleeping, had stayed out until like 1am) the letter wasn't on the door anymore. Found it in the laundry room on the dryer, when I got home it was gone.
She never mentioned anything about it, I never asked her if she actually read it. Then 3 weeks later after I had enough and blew up on her (kicking her out) she had taken everything of hers and there on the dresser was the letter.
In the end, the no response about it and just the fact she kept it caused more problems for me than actually writing the damn thing.
From what I understand of the 180 is that in this point in time, it doesn't matter what you say or do (in most situations). I tried to talk reason, explain myself and 'work things out' but the truth is, there was a snapping point in her head (well beyond the first time she left) that put her into self survival mode and nothing else mattered. Whatever you say, no matter how hard you pour your soul into it, may just fall on deaf ears and cause you more heartache in the end.
I also now regret even writing her that letter, for the most part all it did was empower her. Gave her reasons as to why she was on the right path for 'herself'. Hell, I don't even agree with what I had written anyways. Made her out to be the only victim and it's not true.
But just so you know, the 180 or NC (no contact) isn't an easy path .. there really isn't an 'easy' path. After a few days of physical separation my stbxw was talking with me at my daughters dance about all her plans, how great her life was going to be. Oh she started jogging now, she couldn't wait to start her new job blah blah blah.
There I was, still a mess and she was just so gloriously happy. That night I text her and told her I didn't want any contact other than with the kids. That as of right now I couldn't even consider being friends, she of course snapped back quickly and it's been downhill from there.
Went a few weeks without any texting other than about the kids, then she would send me little 'business' texts (about our financing etc) and I wouldn't respond. She has made 2 or 3 comments / arguments about how I do not respond to her anymore. But really, I brought up the possibility of reconciling and she said "we aren't good for each other".
So why would I keep in contact?
Honestly, leaving silently is your best choice in my opinion. Don't leave him with a part of you on a piece of paper. Do this for yourself, not for him.
You also have to think about him consoling you, are you sure it's even about you? You would be amazed at how much 'kindness' is actually just a reason to feel good about themselves. Later on they can pat themselves on the back and say "well, I tried to make it easier on her".
I wrote an email a day. Sometimes it took hours. I crafted it, re-wrote it and when i was finally happy that it was not needy and said everything I wanted to say. I sent it to myself. The letter is for you. Not him.
Don't send it.
6Likes
My Exit letter to him - opinions please. 
