I've been doing so well lately but really hit a dark spot this weekend. Like, really dark and depressed.
She was out of town on "her weekend" with the kids so I kept them. She was in a big city partying with friends. This, actually, is a blessing. I wish I had them every single day.
But... The thoughts of her out looking perfect and partying sent me into a tail spin and I kinda lost it. i'm fine when w/ the kiddos but the minute they go to sleep it gets really scary.
And my God, she posted photos of herself looking hot as f'ing hell with her friends. I really should delete the app.
Anyway, do you all do well for a while and then have setbacks?
When the heck will I just not care?
Daily. Maybe that doesn't count...it has only been six weeks so I still cry most nights. But I imagine I will be having backslides like yours for at least a year.... Posted via Mobile Device
Yup. Completely normal and it sucks. The trick is to do something to snap out of it.
Keep in mind there is often a temporary intensity after we see/hear/read something about our exes, then it slowly fades.
Progress can also occur in cycles. Days or weeks of progress before a period of backsliding or slower progress. That's ok.
Keep your eyes on the prize and better days ahead.
A colleague at work separated from his wife a couple of years ago. He's now with someone new and veyr happy. He told me that when his wife left, he was devastated and wondered why this was happening... but after a year, he realized it was for the best. He's much happier with the new woman in his life.
He walked through hell and got to the other side, in time. We will too.
I often question how my ex can move forward to easily, as if I never mattered. Who knows why that's the case. But... that's her journey, not mine. I often have to remind myself of that, like this weekend. Hang in there, we'll make it.
I have set backs. I think of having sex with her again or feeling her up etc. Getting a nice hug. Then we talk about any simple thing and I realise she is not the same person.
Today we were talking about the "children in the middle" class she has to take. It conflics with a meeting I have so I wanted her to change it and she said something about that was the only class for the next month and I told her there was several other places she could take the course etc etc. She got pissed for some reason and I tried to tell her I was just trying to help her and she proceeded to say that she doesn't want any more help from me etc etc.
Super *****y, These times snap you right out of your funk.
I actually feel sorry for her a little. Seems like her life is real sucky. Even though she was out until 2 last night.
I'm sure I will backslide again we all do but it will get farther and farther apart until one day we / you will be super happy and not even think of her.
I've been doing so well lately but really hit a dark spot this weekend. Like, really dark and depressed.
She was out of town on "her weekend" with the kids so I kept them. She was in a big city partying with friends. This, actually, is a blessing. I wish I had them every single day.
But... The thoughts of her out looking perfect and partying sent me into a tail spin and I kinda lost it. i'm fine when w/ the kiddos but the minute they go to sleep it gets really scary.
And my God, she posted photos of herself looking hot as f'ing hell with her friends. I really should delete the app.
Anyway, do you all do well for a while and then have setbacks?
When the heck will I just not care?
I feel like this a lot and i'm over a year since my divorce. My ex is a drop dead gorgeous woman and she always looks incredible. She also always looks happy as can be.
It is just a kick in the nuts to those of us who were left behind because we still haven't fully moved on yet and our ego has been bashed in with a sledge hammer. In my case, my ex moved in with her affair partner 5 months after the divorce and will be getting married next month. The d!ckhead she's marrying all of the sudden wants to play daddy to her 3 kids (2 from her first marriage) when he left his wife and kid behind as well.
But...and this is the hard part.....At this point, it really is not their problem, it is ours. We are the ones letting this get to us when in reality they have moved on a long time ago. So, what's the point in these "set-backs?" Are we afraid we'll never be worthy of finding someone like that again? Do we even want anyone like that again?
I still think when it comes down to it, none of this is about love, none of it is about the ex, none of it is about what they are doing....It comes down to our fragile ego. We got sh!t on and instead of just giving them the finger and moving on we have the backslides where we wallow in our own self pity and feel sorry for ourselves.
This is a discussion I have with myself almost on a weekly basis!!!!
Ive had a bit of a back slidey weekend as well. The overriding emotion for me tends to be anger towards her. The thing that most triggers it for me is when my 5 yr old daughter drops little hints...draws pictures of us all together in a house etc....gets me every time that, wheras I think my stbx has a heart of stone. Not once in the 6 months or so its been going on has she shown any kind of emotion or second guessing of her decision....and that just riles me. No emotion at all about breaking up the family. If I had known how stone cold she could be, Id never have married her. In my darkest moments I do start wishing I 'd never met her, and feel likes shes robbed me of 10 years.
All that said though...I know this latest slide will pass - because I have to say as well as backslides I also get 'upslides' too....I seem to have had some really great weekends as well and lately they have been outnumbering the bad, so in general going in the right direction I think.
Feeling down? Think of where you want to be in five years. Think of how you want to feel. What you want to attract. The person you want to attract. Visualize yourself moving forward, out of the woods and to a better place, frame of mind, etc.
Feed your subconscious some good stuff. It helps and it's free.
yes often! I texted my stbxh to ask him a question about the pool we use to own. I called twice and texted and no response the whole day, that didnt bother me as much as it use to. (its been 2 1/2 months) but then first thing the next morning he texted and said "sorry i didnt answer, i was busy all day yesterday" and my first thought was he was with a girl. I got kinda mean to him and then just stopped trying to talk to him all together. I doubt he was with a girl, he's too busy with work, i know he was probably fishing or working but i still had thoughts of that and had a back slide after doing so well lately.
am i the only one who will stay up and get upset about it all night after the kids are in bed? lol
I have backslides still too...but, not as much as I did when this all first started.
The pictures can definitely do a number on you. I know it is hard to let go, but you really should delete that app. For a while, my ex and were on the same cell phone plan--so, I was able to monitor his phone calls and texts. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I used to check his phone records daily...and it was maddening. It would drive me crazy knowing how much he was calling and texting his girlfriend--yet, I couldn't help myself from checking up on his.
Finally, when our cell-plans were separated, I no longer had access to that information. ...and I was able to move on a bit. I stopped thinking about him calling/texting his girlfriend. I stopped obsessing. In turn, I deleted him from other areas of my life--no more pictures of him in my house, I threw away a journal that I used to keep (I wrote secret "love letters" to him in this private journal since our engagement--I always envisioned giving him this journal on our 20th anniversary), I deleted him from my facebook, etc. It really helped me to let go.--to purge and stop obsessing.
But, we all have backslides, and that is normal.
One thing, though, I don't really find my ex-husband attractive anymore. I focus more on his attitude, how he treated me, and who he has become. --and all these things make him seem very unattractive to me. For a while, I was totally repulsed by him, actually. But, now, as the reality of his choices is setting in, I just pity him and who he has become.
Try not to focus so much on what your wife looks like on the outside. She may *look* like she is having the time of her life--but, you don't know what is going on inside her head and inside her soul.
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Does anyone else have backslides? 
