The drama here is absolutely stupid, but I need to get this off my chest somewhere. I needed to discuss kid issues with the wife so I stopped by her place at her invite. After taking care of the kid details, she asked if I would tow our trailer to a function where she acts as a staff member. I am so conflicted regarding her request. The trailer will not affect the kids, and the trailer is for the comfort my wife "wants" (NOT NEEDED) when at this function. She doesn't like tents, bugs, etc., which in a normal marriage, I totally understand. We are currently separated, and unless the kids are involved, I feel she needs to stand on her own two feet, as she is the one who initiated. She can't drive herself as she can't back up the trailer. She then asked if she got a driver, could they use my truck to pull the trailer. In my head I'm saying, are you freaking kidding me? Give up my truck? Really? I hope some of you guys can relate to questions like this.
Anyway, if I say yes, it takes four days of my time: two days for trailer prep/maintenance/repair, and two 10 hours day of driving. She then gets to set up shop for a week, and then wait for me to clean it all up and take it home. I don't really want her in the truck with me either. Last year when I towed the trailer for her, we were right in the middle of limbo purgatory that led to our current separation. When I arrived to pick up the trailer she barely acknowledged my presence, was emotionally and physically agitated, barked orders at me, and treated me like a necessary evil. Basically, I'm the fix it, drive it, tow it, and replace it guy. When the work is complete, I go back into my closet. This event last year severely hurt me emotionally. She didn't say thanks or apologize for her treatment of me, and her behavior just showed me how much she doesn't appreciate the effort this required. I was so angry and upset. I still am apparently, but I felt I was able to resolve most of my hard feelings since then. My emotions have been fairly smooth this last month since she moved out. I've been able to go 180 unless of course the kids are involved. This issue just stirred all those hard emotions from last year because there is no easy answer. If I say no, this could push her closer to divorce or at least flame the bitterness she has for me. If I say yes, I feel I'm undermining the purpose of the separation, giving up my self-respect, and being a push over. I'm really tired of saying yes. I told her I would think about it, where in the past I would have just done it to keep the peace. I feel I should say no, and tell her if she finds an experience driver, with their own truck and insurance (for the trailer too), she can then have it towed it where ever she wants.
Don't be her doormat again man!!! Tell her it's not your issue anymore and to figure things out for herself as she's going to have to do it that way until she finds someone else to do her bidding. Learning to back up a trailer doesn't take a huge amount of brain power btw. This is coming from a woman who had to learn how to back up her larger bass boat when her stbxh decided not to get out anymore.
this Is the question we all face, isn't it: be a pushover, or push the spouse further away. If your stbx is selfish, like mine, then it won't matter either way...if you are a pushover, she won't respect you. If you refuse you keep respect, but may lose her. I think the best option is to keep your respect...that is more important to your personal well being than any one woman. Posted via Mobile Device
When I first started reading your post, I thought you meant a 15-min tow to the lake or something -- given the investment of time and effort, I say no way!
This is a no brainer. She is a big girl and can figure it out or ask someone for help. You are separated, why give up your time for someone who does not love you or respect you? Not worth it to me unless you were getting something in return, like money or some other form of compensation. And hell no on borrowing the truck.
In this case I wouldn't be the "the fix it, drive it, tow it, and replace it guy"
I think you should be the "Stick It, Screw It, Shove It and do it yourself guy"
Seperation is to give bothof you the chance to understand what it will be like to NOT have that person in your life, not have them in your life when it's convenient or useful for you.
In regards to anyone not related to me driving my vehicle, the answer would be a loud NO! If you want, you could say your insurance policy doesn't cover that!
Thank you all for the clarity. What is it about being in the middle of an emotional situation and you can't see the forest for the trees? I really appreciate TAM and everyone here for their perspective.
5Likes
Between and rock and hard place. 
