I'll try to make a long story short.
Background: I left my husband (a minister) of 23 years (for the third time) in January. First time for 3 months due to suspicions (we'd been married 7 years) - Second time for 16 months due to alcoholism (in 2009). Both times I knew I would eventually go back. I just needed to breathe. He had 3 children from previous marriage (wife deceased) that I raised. We had two together. (ages now: 18-34) He never wanted to go see a counselor ("since he didn't have the problem, I did"). Things got better for a while; but my unhappiness continued. The last time I left, I told him we HAD TO see a counselor before I would come back. He said I had to come back and THEN we could see a counselor...thus the 16 month separation. We were both waiting for the other to give in. For the last 3 months or so of the separation, we began 'dating' to try to work it out (without the aid of a counselor - guess I gave in). I would research online and try things others had suggested. . Ever heard of the LOVE DARE book? I went back; and after being back and 'trying' for 2 months, I came face to face with another potential infidelity issue with him and another woman. (someone I know.-They ALL happen to be women I know). I KNOW I'm not going back this time.
Phone records (which he unknowingly directed me to) revealed numerous conversations with OW only when I was out of time and for HOURS- usually after 10:00 pm at night. Infidelity or an EA or a PA - something happened. Additionally, after I saw the phone records and realized who the number belonged to and how often the spoke and when they spoke - I wondered if there was email communication. I didn't have his password - I still don't; but he left his email open on my iPad one day and I came across emails to/from a DIFFERENT woman (another 'friend)- and that was when I realized he loved the idea of having a wife who was there for him, (an he may even love me), but he loved the idea of secretly having 'something' with these other women that I will no longer put up with. I have given him his freedom to be with whoever he wants but this time, I won't be the wife in the background anymore.
That was January. It's now May. We've begun legalizing our separation which includes transferring utilities, phones, etc. Bad to say, but I still have access to the phone records - and out of curiosity, I check to see if they still communicate. November/December there was none. 2 days after I left in January, it began again. I guess I wish he would just admit it. I don't intend to be alone for the rest of my life (I'm 47) and I'm entertaining the thought of having a phone conversation with someone I met 4 years ago. (He's widowed - but have a mutual friend). How forward of me would it be of me to look him up?
Is it too soon? I don't want to go out in public. I just want to have someone to talk to.