Almost Divorced and Met Someone

dante · 05-22-2012, 07:03 PM

Hello all,

I don't know if anyone that was here when I first started posting is still around, but I needed to take some time off and clear my head. For anyone that does remember me, here is the Cliffs' Notes version of what has happened.

Obviously by my title line you can see that reconciliation was not achieved. I am in the final phase of my divorce and I have to say to anyone going through this...get a counselor or therapist if you can. It makes a world of difference. If you don't feel like they are helping, find a new one. I believe that my counselor has brought me miles where I would have only come feet if I had tried to do it on my own.

My divorce is close, the STBXW is dragging her feet for some reason, but that is nothing more than I expected at this point. For those who don't know the story, she left me...no cheating, no abuse, no drugs or alcohol...just wanted out.

Here is the question. I recently met a work colleague who is divorced as well. Has been for some time. I am not looking for a relationship, but I do like her and want to spend time with her as friends..maybe more in the future, but that is a ways off. Long story short, after only two one-on-one meetings, she asked me to an event with her friends, gave me her number, and as I was leaving invited me to stay and have lunch with her. Being a complete idiot, I begged off lunch with an excuse and didn't go to the event. Now, I want to email her and keep the lines of communication open, but having been out of the social world for many years, I don't know what to say. I am afraid I have already alienated her by my actions.

So, any advice?

Dante

lamaga · 05-22-2012, 07:08 PM

Email her -- why not? Say that you regretted that you couldn't have lunch with her that day, and hey, how about rescheduling?

Good luck!

InTheBedIMade · 05-22-2012, 08:19 PM

I'm new here and without knowing anything about you other than what I just read I would have to point out three red flags in this post. None deal breakers, but all a strike against this. A huge flag for me is that this is a work colleague. I've seen it work, but I've more often seen it turn into an awkward train wreck. The other two flags are that you're both coming out of a divorce. Again, not a deal breaker but a big bundle of its own issues. I would be flattered that you were pursued, and happy that your far enough along in the process to concider dating. Best luck on this, and congratulations!!
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MyselfAgain · 05-22-2012, 08:58 PM

When in doubt, be up front and honest, that you may need some more time to be ready to date even casually. As a woman, I would much rather be told the honest truth than feel rejected for some unknown reason.
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D8zed · 05-23-2012, 10:21 AM

Sounds to me like a bit of scarcity thinking going on. "Oh I hope I didn't make her mad or make her think I'm uninterested". Sounds like you might have your emotional hose out ready to hook it up to the first person who shows you some interest. If I'm off-base, I apologize. But this is where those red flags about just coming out of divorce come from.