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Old 05-25-2012, 11:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
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How did you finally stop feeling love/romantic attachment to your ex? Though I accept I can't change my situation, am being proactive about my own happiness, etc, the thought of my ex still brings up Sharp memories of intimate times and physical closeness that I can't seem to shake. How did you manage to get those feelings to go away??
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Time.

Really, you cannot make them go away. The harder you try, the worse you'll feel. Just go on remaking yourself a life as full and satisfying as possible -- one day you'll wake up and realize you haven't thought about him for a week. One day, much later, you'll hear one of those songs that used to make you cry, and you'll shrug.

Time. Alas, that's my only answer.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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MA, it's been 2 months of separation and 3 months of no physical contact, I too have accepted that I cannot change the situation either. The last week has been rough more than smooth basically because I'm remembering all the finer moments in our love life etc. All the times we had an argument and made up etc .. it's just so much easier to remember the good parts than the ones that lead you here.

Distance and time.. the only 2 things I really know will help eventually. Hope your day gets a better!
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:50 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I agree. You have to give it time and go NC. Little by little the memories will fade. You will remember him once a week, once a month, and so on. Time is your friend in this matter.
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Old 05-25-2012, 11:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Agree with the others time....
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Old 05-25-2012, 12:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Time.

Feels like a slow leak of love, affection and emotion. Emptying out the past to make room for someone new in the future.

Unlike my ex, I have not found a love switch that I can turn off.
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Old 05-25-2012, 12:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MyselfAgain View Post
How did you finally stop feeling love/romantic attachment to your ex? Though I accept I can't change my situation, am being proactive about my own happiness, etc, the thought of my ex still brings up Sharp memories of intimate times and physical closeness that I can't seem to shake. How did you manage to get those feelings to go away??
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Another thing that is really important is you have to finally want to let the feelings and memories go. Too often, we, myself included, tend to hold on because we want to, and until that want goes away, the feelings and memories will stay.
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Old 05-25-2012, 12:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Quote:
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How did you finally stop feeling love/romantic attachment to your ex? Though I accept I can't change my situation, am being proactive about my own happiness, etc, the thought of my ex still brings up Sharp memories of intimate times and physical closeness that I can't seem to shake. Posted via Mobile Device
I have those moments too .... now 6 weeks with zero contact. I push the thoughts away by putting the bad things in my head ... works instantly.
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Old 05-25-2012, 12:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Agree with the others: time and distance.

Been over a year now, seen him once (DS's wedding last fall).

"Outta sight, outta mind, almost outta heart (mine).
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Old 05-25-2012, 12:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I have those moments too .... now 6 weeks with zero contact. I push the thoughts away by putting the bad things in my head ... works instantly.
That's a strategy my counselor recommended. Make a list of why you should not be back together. When times get rough, pull up the mental list. Makes a difference.
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Old 05-25-2012, 12:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Thanks everyone for confirming what I suspected. I am two months into no contact and physical separation, and I know time is important but feel like I should be farther along. I know its silly.
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Old 05-25-2012, 12:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone for confirming what I suspected. I am two months into no contact and physical separation, and I know time is important but feel like I should be farther along. I know its silly.
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Not silly at all. I'm 6 months in and while I've made progress, I wish I was able to completely let go. It's a process.
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Old 05-25-2012, 01:23 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

Also, myself, please make the word "should" a big red flag in your mind.

There is no should, there is no universal time table for this.
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Old 05-25-2012, 01:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: looking for that moment...

I did that Canguy. It works. I typed up mine 2 days ago after the last argument.
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Old 05-25-2012, 10:37 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Thanks everyone for confirming what I suspected. I am two months into no contact and physical separation, and I know time is important but feel like I should be farther along. I know its silly.
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I'm 11 months separated and I'm still asking the same question. Just today I to cry because its still so sad to me. My problem is that he's still very involved in our lives....so much so that after I had the aforementioned cry he showed up and took us out to dinner. Yeah, yeah, I shouldn't have gone, but heck, it was a free meal! I've definitely seem improvement in myself over the last months, but I've wallowed for far too long. I have to find a way to let go and move on. I keep thinking that once the divorce is final I'll finally have to move on. Right now I'm so tired and emotionally drained that I think I've given up on myself.
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