Sorry folks, I know this isn't life shattering or anything, but I'm just so p!ssed right now that I've got to rant. I'm trying to rush to get something finished to enter into a contest. I have to turn it in tonight and I'm down to the wire. I wanted to see my son after school since I probably won't see him again til Sunday, so since he gets off the school bus by my house, he was going to be here 1/2 hour before STBXH picks him up. STBXH was aware of my schedule.
Well, of course he was really late. I started working on my project again, then I heard him drive up. I went to the door and see him walking up with the OW/GF!! He's had her in the car before but never brought her up to the door. I'm not a rude person, so normally I'd invite someone in. STBXH comes in every day almost. But he knows my place is a disaster area right now. And AGAIN, I'M FRIGGIN BUSY!!! And I certainly don't feel like entertaining HER (who I'd known before they started their EA turned PA). I'm yelling for DS to hurry so I don't get stuck looking rude or inviting them in, but he's engrossed in a cartoon and just keeps yelling 'WHAT?" I'm just so stunned to see her there but I have to open the door and smile and chit chat, show them what I'm making (which I felt just looked totally stupid when I showed it to her), etc. Finally DS shows up and I can tell he's surprised seeing her there, too. She starts sweet-talking DS right away, gives him a hug, etc. I could just cry and scream and hit something right now.
I feel just totally deflated. I'm trying to get involved in these things and just go on because he's taken away the choices I made of how I wanted to live my life. And he just has to keep rubbing my nose in it. I was really trying to force myself to do this and hope I have fun. I just want to go to bed. I'm going to go and not know anyone and it will just remind me how alone I am. Why do I keep setting myself up for these things?
Why does he get rewarded with an affair partner who is now his girlfriend, no his 'love' as he's told me. He sold me and our marriage out for friends, her, his school. I held on to him and our marriage no matter what - stress, physical illness, mental illness, financial issues, even when he got more and more abusive. Even giving up myself to try to make him happy. In the end I have nothing - not him, not a relationship, and not myself. He still has his friends, his girlfriend, and as of next week, his degree. The karma bus has run me over and is carrying him to better things.
I'm just really tired and I think I'm getting sick, too. I know I should be cool and collected like jpr and other people are, but right now I'm angry and I just want to cry and give up. I'm tired of starting over after abusive relationships. I'm just tired. I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry, you're human. Right now I'm feeling the same way. He gets to go on with his life, his friends, etc., and here I sit at home alone. Child #1 is down visiting him and his family right now. I have no family here or friends really. I know I should force myself to get out and do stuff, but it's hard. Kudos to you for pursuing something. I think you should finish your project and forge ahead as planned, you'll be glad you did. Come back and tell us how it went.
You have every right to feel angry. It was both insensitive and inappropriate for him to bring his OW to your front door, and in future I'd tell him not to do this. He chose to wreck his marriage with an affair, but it's now your choice to choose not to allow him to rub your nose in it like that.
It's really good that you're getting on with your life by getting on with other things right now. If I were you, in future I'd keep your STBXH at a distance and keep all conversations with him confined to your DS. Have DS ready to go when your STBXH comes to pick him up, so you don't have to have him in your home - let alone his OW.
um angelpixie i would have gone ballastic if my ex did that and we are divorced now- i still have triggers when i see him on the phone and computer (which is all the time now that hes here) i just dont post about it cause it passes. You are making your life better and working on yourself so that you wont repeat the same mistakes in the next relationships , he on the other hand will be doomed to repeat his mistakes. just take some calming deep breaths and know it will be ok Posted via Mobile Device
Had a similar scene happen last summer, only difference L brought T Wrecks down with him from NJ to FL, didn't tell a soul that she was with him. Just appeared at DS's door with the skankazoid in tow. Then did the same to MIL. Put them in the most awkward position ever. Think if DS and DIL had known ahead of time they'd have read him the riot act and told him and her to stay away. MIL, well that's another story.
I'd let them both know in no uncertain terms that that type of disrepectful behavior will absolutely not be tolerated, period. And if does, then do what you must.
Just amazes me the level to which these scumbags sink!!!
Oh my gosh, Angel!! I am sooooooooo angry for you!
What he did was the epitome of poopiness! Wow! What an incredible butt he is!...and SHE is a poophead too. WOW!!
grrr.
They totally deserve each other. What complete a**-holes! Really. (excuse my language...but, really. unbelievable!).
I can't believe the nerve of some people.
If it were me, I probably would have told her to get off my property. I would not have handled that situation with as much class and dignity as you did.
When I found out that my ex and his girlfriend took my dog to the beach behind my back, I went ballistic. I called up my ex and told him to keep his wh*re away from my dog. ... Yeah, I know. Not my most classiest moment.
But, geez...I can't imagine what I would do if she showed up to my door and laid a hand on my son.
Oh!..that makes me so mad!
You are incredible.
...and oh my gosh! do you deserve soooo much more than that piece of poop dirtbag! Really and truly.
You need to see that! You need to realize your own worth and how special you are!
You are so darn creative, and so insightful, and so sensitive, and just sooooo wonderful.
You will see. You are going to triumph from all this. No, it is certainly not fair at all that you have had to endure so much heartbreak and so much abuse. But, man oh man!--you are just so incredible.
Please know that I am thinking of you. I hope that you are able to get back to your project...and I hope so much that you win that contest!
I'd let them both know in no uncertain terms that that type of disrepectful behavior will absolutely not be tolerated, period. And if does, then do what you must.
Just amazes me the level to which these scumbags sink!!!
I agree with this statement. I definitely think you should let them know that they can not do this again.
My ex comes to pick up my son each morning before I go to work. I don't let him in my house. I bring my son out to his car each morning. I don't want him in my house anymore. This sort of helps me to stake a claim on my property and my life. ...it helped me to mentally separate my life and my property from my ex.
What your ex and his girlfriend did to you today was very disrespectful. It is such a reflection on them.
Actually, OP, looking at it from the OW's point of view, your reaction must have totally floored her... As a woman, she had to know exactly how this would make you feel (particularly her hugging your DS in front of you), and it makes one wonder what sort of reaction she was hoping for...
Anyway, I think in the circumstances you handled their bad behaviour with dignity. Just get those boundaries in place for next time, though :-)
I had a similar situation happen too with the OM posting a pic of him kissing my wife on FB to screw with me. Thanks a lot @$$ hole! Back then I took the advice posted above too.... guess how much that helped. Yeah, she really found me attractive for blowing up at them. I learned how to deal with this with an almost zen master mind soon after.
Pixie, I can help you turn his ploy for your attention against him with a few simple words. I used them all the time with jealous men trying to c*ck block me. In this circumstance just tell him "Aww you guys are cute" and continue on with what you were doing. He wants you to want him and feed his ego, and by you telling him this it shows you are neither jealous or attracted to him.... no guy likes to be called "cute".
The OW on the other hand will take this as a compliment and stop bashing you for being controlling or rude. He is really not the one you want to impress at first, it's her. You treat her kindly and show her she's won with no hard feelings, and she'll let her guard down about you because you're not interested in him. This will make your H fight harder for your attention and he'll soon be wondering what happened and why you seem different this time.
Really you could make friends with either of them and the other person will get jealous, but nothing stirs a man worse than two cackling women dishing dirt on him. You get that ball rolling and he'll make sure he never makes the mistake of bringing her over or leaving you alone in the same room together. I say have pity of the OW for her desperation to keep a cheater and slowly seed in her mind that he really is a catch and very trust worthy so long as he loves his partner. Is it malicious and being a b!tch, hell yes! But is sure is fun being the OW for a chance and watching her twitch and blow up the phone to be reassured and gaslighted.
i would have been angry. I definitely wouldnt have handled it as well as you. My STBXH knows id flip a lid and run my mouth to his girlfriend so i dont think he will bring her anywhere near me for a very very long time, lol.
NSweet...I don't think that anyone is suggesting that Angel go ballistic. (...although, it would be completely understandable if she did...)
She handled this situation with so much class and dignity. ... I am in awe of that.
But, seeing the other woman put her hands on Angel's son had to be just soo hard to see. I think that it is perfectly reasonable for Angel to approach her ex and calmly, yet firmly, tell him that is not acceptable behavior.
Who cares is she is feeding his ego or not? I don't know about you, Angel...but, personally, I am past all that. I don't care to play games--or try to make my ex jealous...I don't really care about doing things to "keep him on his toes".
At this point, I am just trying to do things to protect my own heart and create some boundaries.
I am worried about you, Angel. I am worried that you may not be doing enough to protect your own heart. --one way to protect your heart is to make sure that you are firm boundaries in place. In my opinion, your ex and his OW completely overstepped their bounds.
But, ultimately, that is for you to decide. ...and you shouldn't feel badly for enforcing your boundaries.
I can't add anything to what the others have said. Wish I would have been there to beat the sh*t outta him and throw his tramp in the gutter.
Then I'd give you a big hug.
The karma bus hasn't hit you sweetie. His day of reckoning is coming. Dysfunctional morons like him never lead happy lives. And as for the tramp, she'll be the one getting the back of his hand soon enough.
I would simply tell him he is to never bring her to the door again.
Don't apologize for having feelings and acknowledging that the feelings count.
Heck....he doesn't have to come to the door. He could use a cell phone to call the home and let the kids know he is at the curb and they can go out to him.
194Likes
He brought her to the door!!!!! 
Not my most classiest moment. 
