momtoboys

Last week i told my STBXH not to give me the full amount of child support (he gives me a 100 every pay check. So only 200 a month for now, til court order goes through to see what he actually has to pay) and meet half way (between maryland and North carolina. So we would meet in Richmond,VA). Its a 3 hour drive for both. I wanted him to see our kids. He hasnt seen our youngest son since he was a month old, he is now almost 7 months old. Our 3 year old always asks why his dad isnt around. I have posted here a few times how little involved he is. Last week when i offered to meet half way was before i knew he had a girlfriend this whole time. So ever since the girlfriend sh*t hit the fan and we do not get a long.

He told me yesterday how much he hates me. He told me he hates me as much as he hates his dad (which is a lot). He told me he'd even take supervised visitation (which i did not ask for) and let me have everything just to get the divorce over with to get me out of his life. He told me he hasnt loved me in years and has only put up with me arguing with him and nagging to avoid paying child support. Then he said how he is finally happy with this teenager. Well since then i have backed off. I texted him today to ask if he was paying me on the 1st or what. He said "yeah why would i?" I said "well i figured you were thinking we were still meeting half way and we arent". Then he said he wanted to meet half way. I asked if he wanted to just wait til he is out of the army (sometime within a month or two) and see them when he comes up. He said he does not want to wait. Im sure because he wont have any money to come up. He is staying in North Carolina and we are in Maryland. So he isnt going to see our kids much if at all.

I am trying to do the right thing by letting our kids see him. I know my 3 year old misses him. He use to be such a good dad, but now since he's gotten this girlfriend (before i knew about her i was confused as to why he lost interest in the kids but now i know its because of her). So our son remembers him as being a good dad and being close to him.
My mom says its a bad idea, she said its too fresh. I have had a hard time since finding out about the gf. I have barely ate and barely slept. I havent taken care of myself at all. She says im gonna see him and feel worse or cry. When i go down i am bringing my oldest sons father who i am very very close to. He has been the biggest support system since this stuff started happening. So i will have him with me and will have support if i am sad. And he wont say anything mean to me with my ex there. He and my ex are friends also.

I have not seen my STBXH since Jan. So its been a while. It is going to be hard to see him, but i want to do the right thing for my kids. I feel like it makes me the bigger person by doing this.

opinions??