momtoboys

I talked to my STBXH about meeting half way today. He was nice to me for the most part until i got sorta weird about a comment he made about his girlfriend. Then he became mean.

Anyways, so i texted him through out the day telling him i wish we could get a long. I have a good friendship with my oldest sons father and i love our friendship and wish my STBXH and i could talk about normal day to day things without him being a jerk.

Well i was trying to make small talk to be nice, well he acted very cold and sarcastic and distant to me. Then he ignored most of my texts, so i said "ok whatever, bye". HOURS later he texts me and asks how the pool was.....

.............................. after acting so weird about me having small talk with him he is gonna text me hours after ignoring my texts and ask how the pool was. Anyone else find this odd? Make up your mind.

momtoboys

Oh- i only tried to make small talk so things wouldnt be as awkward when we meet half way.

Nsweet

Stop. chasing. him!
When someone is rejecting you the last thing they find attractive is forced contact. Ignore the hell out of him and he'll respect you even more. Go dark, use the silent treatment, ignore, ignore ignore..... with the way he's acting he deserves this.

Numb in Ohio

You can't always be "friends" with an ex..

We've learned that causes big issues..

momtoboys

i ignored the text, i plan on ignoring. honestly im driving myself nuts with his games and i dont trust him so everytime hes nice i wonder why hes being nice like hes plotting something behind my back. i know i need to just stop. so hard tho but like i said i did ignore his text.



im friends with anout 95% of my exs. my oldest sons father is my bestfriend. makes it so much easier for my son that way and school functions and coparenting.

Numb in Ohio

If you're best friends,, why did you divorce??

That's not sarcastic,, just curious??

momtoboys

we were never married. (thats probably why we are still friends! lol). We were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we broke up because we argued a lot and were both immature.

Nsweet

It's simple push/pull. He's pushing you away but still wants to be able to keep you around until HE emotionally separates. You have to call the shots and break up with him or risk him going back and forth to string you along.

UpnDown

I cannot phathom becoming friends with my stbxw ... I don't know how you do it.

jpr

There may come a time in the future when you can be friends with your ex again. But, right now, things are just too raw...and you need some boundaries in place so that you can get used to being single again, and mourn the loss of your relationship--and ultimately move forward.

I know it is hard, but it really does help if you try to limit your contact with your ex as much as possible--especially while your heart heals.


There may come a time when you can be friends again, but now is not that time. You need to protect your heart---and you need to train your brain not to think about him so much.

Lifescript

He knows you trying to be nice and he is playing with you. Ignore you a little bit and then he'll act nice to string you along.

momtoboys

Thank you for all the responses. I am struggling with keeping limited contact. Going from talking to someone everyday for 5-6 years to not contacting them at all has been hard to do. I keep hearing from everyone that i need to stop contacting him and i know i do but its so hard for me. I think because i know most of the time he is with his gf, ive really struggled with him having a girlfriend. That was the nail in the coffin. Ive also struggled with him trying to pretend like we (me and my kids) never happened. He has put this girl before his own kids.

I did ignore his text though last night, which actually made me feel a tad bit better and like i have gained some sort of power back. I dont plan on speaking to him again for a while unless something comes up with our kids.Last night was the first time he texted me out of the blue since i found out about the girlfriend a week ago. I am going to be busy today and tomorrow so it will be easy to go no contact for those days.

Nsweet

Great! Now list everything you hated about him starting with "his affair" so you can take him off that perfect prize pedestal. This is really going to help you heal faster and think twice about contacting him just to hear his voice. I know it sucks! BUT you just can't risk your stbxh roping you into chasing and comforting his problems while you are in such a weakened state.

I did that and comforted my ex W in the beginning, dried those tears, and helped her through depression.... big mistake! Let him go to her if he's lonely and you go dark until such time you DO NOT need to hear his voice to be happy. At which time, usually a couple of months, you can talk to him again IF you can see he's not perfect and with no jealousy over his so called "perfect life".

Let reiterate, this is going to suck! You're going to go through withdraws just like any other addiction, but you have to break the codependency if you ever want to talk to him again or want to save your marriage or new marriage with him. You cave in and tell him how much you miss him, how the OW is all wrong for him, and tell him how much in love you are with him and you're just going to blow it losing all respect he had for you. This I promise you!

If however you do screw up, don't beat yourself up just give it time to pass and start over leaving him with a lasting kind impression and all the darkness he needs to end this love affair on his own.

momtoboys

Nsweet- Great advice, thank you! Day two of NC! But i actually feel worse!

ddindiana

My ex wife was the one that left a 16 year marriage and broke up our family and i told her theirs no way in hell i would ever be friends with her worthless ass. I told her a friend wouldn't treat a friend the way my daughter and i we're treated and if thats what a friend is to her she could hang out with the worthless people that she so calls friends...