Mothra777

Well, it is coming to the end of my first weekend without my son as he was with my ex this weekend. Friday night was fun as I got to go see a couple of bands with some good friends and we danced like we were all 20 again.

But Saturday and Sunday were pretty tough as I did not have any interaction with anyone I knew except for a phone call from a friend and another to my mother. I am nowhere near the point where I would be ready to look for another intimate relationship but getting used to my own company on the weekends without my son will be a challenge.

I definitely fit the 'nice guy' category and became codependent. Having so much alone time this weekend has made me realise that not only am I struggling with the loss of a 17 year marriage I am also beginning to wonder who the heck I am? Being single at 40 was definitely not part of the plan!

So it was a weekend of ups and downs. I'd expect that to continue for quite a while. But I got through my first weekend alone - the first of many. Hopefully I will find more interests to keep my mind and body busy. Although I did exercise pretty heavily today - 10km hilly bike ride, Power90 Sculpt routine and the Hollywood Trainer Ab Blast.

bandit.45

I know alone, Moth. I know it well. You're going to be fine brother.

Have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy? Look it up online, there is a site where you can download the text free.

Mothra777

I have not read that book yet. I will search for it now. I had read the description on Amazon and it sounds like a must read for guys like me. Thanks for the reminder.

bandit.45

Here's the website. Good good stuff.


No More Mr. Nice Guy

bandit.45

I looked for that page that had the free text but couldn't find it.

Get the book though. I'm telling you brother, it will change your life. It would make a good Memorial Day read.

canguy66

See? It was survivable. The road ahead will have its share of bumps and smooth stretches, but future weekends will continue to get better. Glad to know you're getting into your body, as this will help you avoid getting into your mind (I need to follow your example on this).

Oh, I hear you. The separation was a bit of an awakening in a sense, wasn't it? We're being forced to re-establish a connection with ourselves and figure out what make us tick.

Personally, I find I was an authentic individual living in a foggy, inauthentic marriage. I am trying to view the separation as an opportunity to lead a better, more authentic life, and eventually finding someone to share it with.

Guys like us are in training to be better husbands/boyfriends/partners in our next relationships. The best is yet to come.

Like Bandit, I strongly recommend the No More Mr. Nice Guy! book. It's an eye-opener.

__________________
“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.” - from Cast Away

Mothra777

I ended up finding the online text version of No More Mr Nice Guy here: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

Ouch! I haven't read much but his description is very close to the bone of my personality and behaviour during our marriage. This one will be an eye opener!

I also received Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends in the mail today. I think between these two books and TAM I might be able to ditch my individual counselling sessions.

Andy968

Good job getting through the weekend. It is a wierd feeling waking up to an empty house and saying to yourself; who am I and how did I get here after 20 years of marriage? I had feelings of not even knowing what I liked to do, or what my interests were. I am learning what these are now.

In the No More Mr. Nice Guy book it talks about the importance of being comfortable and enjoying yourself when you are alone. Not to fear the empty house, or fear going somewhere for a weekend alone. It's at these times I've found I can start to identify what it is that I like, want, and enjoy. I am also a "Nice Guy" and the book did a great job spelling out in understandable terms what many of my problems were.