will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him?
My husband and I have been together for 4 years. In the beginning of our relationship he told me that he wanted to have kids and a family with me.
Our marriage hasn't been great. We love each other and care for one another. The only big problem we have that has taken a big toll in our marriage is our constant arguing. We can get along well but sometimes we argue over the stupidest things. We both have horrible tempers, I have a short fuge temper and he holds grudges for a long time (he can go days and weeks without talking to me and ignoring me) and sometimes needs to get away from me in order to avoid bigger problems. This constant arguing drove us to the point of separation and filing for divorce. Whe have been separated for 2 months but we have been trying to fix our marriage. We are now discussing getting back together, but there are some things we are discussing to see if we really want to stay with each other or we should just walk away from it right now. Well one of those issues is having kids. I want kids but he says he his feeling is that he doesn't want kids right now. His reason for not wanting kids right now is because our marriage is not great and I agree with him. I have told him that I do not want kids right now being our current situation but I do want some in the future. My problem is that I can't seem to get a straight answer from him on this issue. I have told him to tell me "I do not want kids today or in the future" but he refuses to say that because he claims that his feeling MIGHT change in the future. He says that people's feeling change and he MIGHT too.
I wish he would give me a straight answer so I can make a decision. Right now his answer is giving me hopes that one day we will have kids because he MIGHT change his feelings about wanting kids. What if his feelings never change, then what? What if we stay together for years and I'm still hoping he will change his feelings but then realize they will never change? Then I will be old and I will either resent him for the rest of my life or end up divorcing him anyways. I will then try to find someone who does want kids and the right man. By then I will probably be too old to even have kids.
I'm so confused right now. I know my desires to have kids and a family are so strong and they will never change. I want to experience what it feels like to have a little child of your own, whom you can love and protect with your whole life.
ADDITIONAL INFO: My husband says another reason why he doesn't want kids if because he doesn't want to go through the whole custody and child support again, or having to suffer from being told he cannot see his kid again. I understand his fears I have seen with my own two eyes how he has had to fight for his child's custody and all the money spent in lawyers and court costs. He's been through a lot because of how spiteful his ex was using his child against him as pawn. I have told him I won't do this to him but he says people change.
Re: will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him?
Please don't.. My husband and I had the same problem, I shouldn't have insisted or make him choose between losing me or having a baby. I regret that decision now that he left me. Stay with him, he might change his mind. And if he doesn't at least, you have him. Husband and wife should stay together for life, even if you have a child, your child will grow up one day and find his/her mate. Stick with yours!
Just my advice because I was in the same dilemma before and if only someone was caring enough to give me this advice, I will probably be still with my husband and we might even be TTC right now.
Re: will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him?
He's being honest with you, and you are punishing him for it. Sounds like you ought to be more preoccupied with why you guys have such a negative communication style -- get that resolved before you even think about children.
Please don't.. My husband and I had the same problem, I shouldn't have insisted or make him choose between losing me or having a baby. I regret that decision now that he left me. Stay with him, he might change his mind. And if he doesn't at least, you have him. Husband and wife should stay together for life, even if you have a child, your child will grow up one day and find his/her mate. Stick with yours!
Just my advice because I was in the same dilemma before and if only someone was caring enough to give me this advice, I will probably be still with my husband and we might even be TTC right now.
I can't see myself without kids, without being a mom. It's just not fair to me. I see how much he loves his son and he will do anything for him. I wish he wasn't selfish and could give me the same opportunity to be a mom. I just hate that I cant have kids and his ex loves to throw in my face that I dont have any kids with him and that I dont know what is like to be a mom. Although his ex throwing it on my face is not the main reason why I want to have kids it still reinforces my desire to have kids and my resentment towards him. I don't know what to do... Posted via Mobile Device
Re: will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him?
I support your husband on this one. He's not being selfish he's being wise. Why would you want to bring kids into a bad marriage? And he can't say one way or the other because he doesn't know if you can fix your marriage. Having a baby with two parents arguing all the time would be the worst thing you could do.
Personally I think you need to take this baby fever energy and focus it on learning how to control your temper. Short fuses and babies don't really go together.
He's being honest with you, and you are punishing him for it. Sounds like you ought to be more preoccupied with why you guys have such a negative communication style -- get that resolved before you even think about children.
Yes he's being honest with me right NOW. But i feel lied to when before we even married he said he would give me kids. And I know we need to work on our marriage before we even decide to have kids, believe i do want to fix it before having kids. I'm not saying that I want kids right now, but I do want them in the future. He just wont give a straight answer, just a maybe. Im guessing because he doesnt want to lose me. Im the one that filed for divorce and I told him I will go ahead with the divorce if we cant solve our issues. Posted via Mobile Device
I support your husband on this one. He's not being selfish he's being wise. Why would you want to bring kids into a bad marriage? And he can't say one way or the other because he doesn't know if you can fix your marriage. Having a baby with two parents arguing all the time would be the worst thing you could do.
Personally I think you need to take this baby fever energy and focus it on learning how to control your temper. Short fuses and babies don't really go together.
Im not saying I want kids RIGHT NOW, but in the future I do. I know we are not in a position to have kids right now. But we were talking about deal breakers in our marriage, aince we are trying to resolve our issues before we get back together. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him?
But he answered you. He said he 'might' want kids but only if you can work things out. And again he's wise because he knows if he ends up divorced he will end up paying more child support.
You want him to be able to give you a yes or no answer and he can't. There is no way for him to do that right now and it's unfair for you to ask him too. He really is being wise.
I think the dealbreaker is on your end not his. If you want kids (and I support that) then I suggest you move on and find someone who can give you that yes right now.
Re: will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him?
Well I'll play this scenerio so you guys can understand.
H: What do we need to fix in our marriage and what things we dont want? I don't want kids.
W: what do you mean you dont want kids? You've known this whole time even before we got married that I wanted kids and you said you would give me kids. Why dont you want kids now?
H: Well right now my feelings are that I dont want kids. Theyre too much work, and they're expensive to raise. And besides look at our marriage. I don't want to be raising kids when I'm 60 years old.
W: so what are you saying, that you dont want kids period?
H: well right now that's how I feel. Idk maybe my feeling might change in the future, people change you know? But right now my feeling are that I dont want kids.
W: well you need to give a straight answer because I cant live with this "maybe". What if you never change your.feelings, then what?
H: well like i said my feeling could change later on.
W: this is something serious. Is that feeling of not wanting kids strong enough to end your marriage? What is strongest a wife and kids or no kids and no wife?
H: well I want my wife, I just dont want kids.
And that's how our scenerio goes. This is why im questuoning whether I should leave or not. Posted via Mobile Device
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will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him? 
Re: will my husband change his mind about having kids or should i divorce him? 
