Married 25 years,separated 4 months. Said he wasn't in love with me. Anyway, he is living 2 hours away and hasn't been to my house since Christmas eve. My kids barely talk to him. We were talking alittle not much by text,alittle by phone. I was very broken hearted and he knew this. I can only guess but I feel like he knew he "could always come back to his family" because of seeing me so hurt. I have slowly pulled away and tried not to show my hurt. Finally I sent separations papers a week ago. We did fight over then once,but mainly it just seemed to want to talk. I really felt like it had "woke him up", that he was losing me. He's made an excuse to see me thursday,and came down stayed with us the weekend "to see the kids". He spent more time with ME than the kids,took my son to town and asked me to go to. It was a wonderful weekend!! He offered to do things for me,etc.etc. He never talked about the sep.papers. He asked me if he could come back in 2-3 weeks to work on somethings around the house and see the kids. I guess I should add I did sleep with him one night,I really tried not to. He was so passionate. I told him I could get sex anywhere, I didn't want to. He said this isn't just sex and u know it. He acted like my old husband, and it was so wonderful. My kids have asked him if he was trying to fix things with mom. He doesn't answer then, but says to them stop worrying so much. I want him back so bad, but I am so afraid I will misread his signals and get hurt again. Please tell me what you guys think?
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Re: Help! Is this a sign he's coming around?
Sending him the separation papers was an act of showing you were ready to move on and it caught his attention. He can’t live away from you forever and not make a decision. Read Dobson’s “Love Must be Tough” for more understanding of the concept of tough love. It may work with him. Good luck
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Amp
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
Thanks for the replies. I did text him about the separation papers, telling him I want these behind me. (not really, if we do have a chance to work this out) I asked him to let me know by Monday nite. Nothing, no response to the text and he has text me, but hasn't mentioned the papers. I'm hoping this is a good sign. I not gonna mention them for awhile now. I am going to a counselor and she said I should "give alittle". I will, when I feel or truely believe he IS coming around. His actions say he is,but he says nothing to me that shows it. I just want one word out of his mouth that says to me he is wanting me back!
Thanks, I did order the book and it should be here today!
yes, it sounds very encouraging to me. Sounds like he didn't like not having you on a string, and you showing you had the fortitude to hand him separation papers... well, it jump started his sensibilities a little I think.
let us know how it goes!
After a wonderful weekend together he barely texted me the whole week. When he did, it was nice and he would joke with me and make me laugh. I just though it was strange that he texted me less than he had been after our weekend together. He went to the beach with a bunch of friends this weekend. I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself and hurting alot today. I miss him so much and just wished I knew what he was thinking.....
Update: My husband came again this weekend. We finally talked about "us", something we haven't done for 3 months. Basicly he still says he doesn't know what he wants. But its strange. His actions speak loudly that he wants his family back. He claims to come and stay to see the kids and yet he spends all his time with ME. His words are as if he is confused. Which is really confusing to me. It's almost as if there is a pride issue going, and he doesn't want to admit he was wrong. But after talking some more, he has agreed for us to spend some time together and talk on the phone each nite. (he is living 2 hours away). To see what happens. He stated he never thought it would work out because of all the damage that has been done. Didn't think I would be able to forgive him, or him forgive me. (I haven't done anything but I'm sure I may have hurt him with words after he walked out on me)Also the way he said it, seemed to be more about me forgiving him. Anyway, sure enough he has called me each and every nite this week!!! You can tell in his voice he is happy to call and be talking to me. It's funny, the last year of us living together I always thought he said the right words, but his actions didn't say much. Now it's the other way around. We have spent 2 weekends together in the past month and they have been wonderful. I just wish I could hear the words from him too!
It sounds like he has a lot of hurt and confusion going on, and probably a good dose of guilt as well. Is there any way possible the two of you can get in to see a counselor together? Some have weekend hours. Or at least see a minister together about the situation. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong.
I had mentioned a councilor a few months ago, he says it won't help. I again mentioned it this weekend, he said he wasn't interested in going to a councilor. I know another worry to him is the kids. He doesn't want to get their hopes up. Basicly he says, I don't want you and the kids hurt again!!
Update: After we talked (explained in post above) he has called me everynight. He always seems very happy to talk to me. The conversations are very nice and friendly. He has made ALL the calls himself, I've not called him the first time. So he is the one making the effort. But he has left me confused again. He called my son to wish him a happy birthday and ended up talking about us. (My son is grown) Talked about just getting out of a relationship when he met me,etc. (30 years ago) Told my son I was too emotional when we split. Said he would have left years ago had our last son not had heart problems. Said there were things he couldn't ever forgive me for. He upset my son bad. My son ended up feeling like he was a mistake,etc. When my husband called me, I came down on him hard. Basicly told him to keep his mouth shut to our children. They didn't want to hear that crap. I also asked him what had I ever done that he couldn't forgive me for. He wouldn't say, said we aren't going there. I told him, didn't I have a right to know what I was being accused of? He said, well I never said it was real bad. Anyway, after I came down on him, he starts the friendly conversation up. Everything was nice (even thought I could tell my the tone of his voice he was mad). Even an hour later after we hung up, he texted me to tell me good night. Since that night he is still calling and talking very nice. I just don't understand. So why keep calling every night and talking if he really felt the way he said to my son? I'm so confused. Was talking to my son a way for him to be working through some of his issues? I just don't get it! The last visit when we had decided to start talking everynight and spending some time together to see if we could get this worked out. He had stated to me, he didn't think it would work because there was so much damage. He didn't know if I could forgive him or if he could forgive me. But it looks like he is trying still. Any thoughts??
We are talking every night, conversations are really good. Mainly catching up on what we both did that day,etc. He will be back in a weekend or two to stay the weekend. I guess I am so impatient, I just want things to move faster. My biggest fear is that just wants to be friends?? My friends say there is no way, he wouldn't call every night and go to all this trouble if he wasn't working his way back to us. That I need to be patient, but its hard and let him do this his way.
Help! Is this a sign he's coming around?
