Originally Posted by ReadyForAChange
My husband and I have had so many issues in our marriage... a mother in law who dislikes me..., My MIL dislikes me and tells my husband to treat me bad.
Hi RFA. I wanted to share my experience with my own mother. I let her intrude into my marriage over 20 years. My mother was intrusive, judgmental, manipulative, and at times just plain mean towards my wife. This drove a wedge into my marriage, and I didn't even realize it was happening. It wasn't until I started IC, that I realized my mother was out of control, and it was up to me to set boundaries. Doing this caused my mom to move out of state, yeah!
One of the best books regarding this subject is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. It describes why men allow their mother's negative influence, and how they can break it. I assume your husband is either allowing your MIL to affect you or at least is doing nothing to defend you. I know you cannot force your husband to do anything, but relief from your MIL will not come until hubby finds his "pair", and sets boundaries with his mom.
You can withdraw from contact with the MIL and choose not to allow her influence to sway your emotions. You need to be careful, as this can lead to stuffing feelings, and eventual bitterness and anger towards your husband. I know, because I'm receiving the full brunt of bitterness and anger from my wife regarding this exact situation.
It sounds like you both love each other and are trying to save the marriage. I don't know if the book I mentioned will fit your husband's needs, you may want to review it or discuss with a MC or IC, before recommending to your husband. Not knowing your husband's situ, he may not even realize his mother is a problem, like me, and thousands of other men. He will need tools and support showing him how to address his mother willingly and assertively. Doing so will give your husband a sense of self confidence, that will benefit your attempts to save your marriage. I think you would feel safe and secure as well. I wish this for you.