ReadyForAChange

My husband and I have had so many issues in our marriage. from problems with his ex wife to dealing with a brain washed stepson and a mother in law who dislikes me, and to top it off our constant arguing.
There is just not peace at home.
I feel like there is too much on my shoulders, I don't know if I can keep going forward. right now it's more easier to just walk away from it all.
I've been cursed at and made fun of by his ex wife. My stepson seems like he wishes I wasn't in the picture, but I believe it has to do with his mom's brainwash. Stepson can be a sweet kid most of the time but he acts different when he returns home from visiting mom or when he hangs up the phone with her. My MIL dislikes me and tells my husband to treat me bad. My husband and I argue constantly because of difference in personalities and anger issues.
after 3 years of this we separated two months ago and I filed for divorce following our last blow out.
We have postponed the divorce and are currently trying to save the marriage. I still love him and he loves me. However, I dont know if I can continue... I wish everything was perfect. I wish someone could tell me "don't worry it will get better."

I'm feeling such pitty for me right now. soo lame!

I love my husband more than anythig and he loves me too. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I just don't want to spend it like this.

Will it ever get better???

Kurosity

If both of you are working on it there is hope then.

I would see a MC but family counseling might be better to help you navigate all these out side forces such as the ex and the MIL. It might also help you navigate these timely swings of mood the step son gets after being with or speaking to his mother.

I was wondering why you would care what your MIL tells your husband to do unless he does what she says. Stop letting her make you feel rejected take that power from her right now you can not be hurt over it unless you let it. The person that matters is not her, it is your H.

lamaga

I agree re the MC.

And you cannot control what the ex thinks, does or says. Nor can you control what the MIL thinks, does, or says. Try to concentrate on your and your H.

Andy968

Hi RFA. I wanted to share my experience with my own mother. I let her intrude into my marriage over 20 years. My mother was intrusive, judgmental, manipulative, and at times just plain mean towards my wife. This drove a wedge into my marriage, and I didn't even realize it was happening. It wasn't until I started IC, that I realized my mother was out of control, and it was up to me to set boundaries. Doing this caused my mom to move out of state, yeah!

One of the best books regarding this subject is "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. It describes why men allow their mother's negative influence, and how they can break it. I assume your husband is either allowing your MIL to affect you or at least is doing nothing to defend you. I know you cannot force your husband to do anything, but relief from your MIL will not come until hubby finds his "pair", and sets boundaries with his mom.

You can withdraw from contact with the MIL and choose not to allow her influence to sway your emotions. You need to be careful, as this can lead to stuffing feelings, and eventual bitterness and anger towards your husband. I know, because I'm receiving the full brunt of bitterness and anger from my wife regarding this exact situation.

It sounds like you both love each other and are trying to save the marriage. I don't know if the book I mentioned will fit your husband's needs, you may want to review it or discuss with a MC or IC, before recommending to your husband. Not knowing your husband's situ, he may not even realize his mother is a problem, like me, and thousands of other men. He will need tools and support showing him how to address his mother willingly and assertively. Doing so will give your husband a sense of self confidence, that will benefit your attempts to save your marriage. I think you would feel safe and secure as well. I wish this for you.

ReadyForAChange

This is the same thing that is happening right now. She is intruding but he doesn't realize it. He thinks she is just giving him advise and looking out for his best interest. Well she is not, because by telling him to treat me bad she is just setting up his marriage for doom. always calling to tattle on me because she knows we will get in a fight... I will consider the book, maybe that will help. we are currently attending marriage counseling and I will bring up this subject maybe the counselor will be able to help.
Thanks for your advice.

Conrad

Much easier to blame her than him, isn't it?

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH