Confessions of an ashamed, emotionally abusive husband....

synthetic · 06-24-2012, 02:46 PM

mab1,

I can really feel the pain you're in. I'm in the exact same spot. Very sorry for both of us. I plan to read that article many more times until it has fully sunk in. It's our only hope out of this f***ed up mess.

mab1 · 06-24-2012, 02:51 PM

I don't think I have ever been this angry!!!

synthetic · 06-24-2012, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mab1

I don't think I have ever been this angry!!!

Went through it 2 days ago. The most rage I had ever felt in life. It wouldn't go away. Still hasn't fully, but it's now changed its form into half-anger, half depression.

Some of my anxiety from the first days of separation is actually back with moments of strong urge to call my wife just to hear her voice. I haven't given in yet.

our vision shattered · 06-24-2012, 04:04 PM

so glad synthetic, hang in there mab1, do a lot of reading on here,our stories, it really helps, syn, look at all the advice you've given me. read it brother, conrad may have 2x4's but i'm a mechanic, there's lots of ways ta get ya

mab1 · 06-24-2012, 04:39 PM

Well one good thing has come out of this. Conrad won't have to keep telling me to stop focussing on her anymore

Conrad · 06-25-2012, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mab1

Well one good thing has come out of this. Conrad won't have to keep telling me to stop focussing on her anymore

Mab,

She's a cold hearted b*tch.

She sees no reason to change.

Now that you see this, are you able to forgive yourself?

mab1 · 06-25-2012, 02:27 PM

and today she's sweetness and light because I sorted all the bills so they are in my name. Oh, and she's a little up and down. Poor wittle pickle

Do I sound a tad pi**ed there?

I blame my MC she agreed that I had every right to be angry and it was important to acknowledge it.

Still not quite forgiven myself though Conrad but I'm definitely on the way.

Conrad · 06-25-2012, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mab1

and today she's sweetness and light because I sorted all the bills so they are in my name. Oh, and she's a little up and down. Poor wittle pickle

Do I sound a tad pi**ed there?

I blame my MC she agreed that I had every right to be angry and it was important to acknowledge it.

Still not quite forgiven myself though Conrad but I'm definitely on the way.

Why are you paying her to leave you?

mab1 · 06-25-2012, 02:38 PM

I'm not. It's loads cheaper for me to stay here than to move out and rent. The plan is to stay here for as long as possible and save as much as I can. If that means taking on some bills then it's worth it for now. I may get a lodger too to make some money if I can swing it for long enough.
I guess to her I've probably done some rescuing behaviour so she thinks she's back in charge again.

Conrad · 06-25-2012, 02:41 PM

Ok - protect yourself.

When I hear you are agreeing to pay for things, my minds' eye heads toward the lumber yard.

mab1 · 06-26-2012, 04:47 AM

OW,OW,OW,OW. That is the sound of me hitting myself in the head with a 2x4 which is spare from the carpenters bench I built from scratch 3 months ago (and have never used in anger and is sat in the shed we had a massive row about)!

One relatively friendly email thanking me for making her life easier. An email during which she makes it clear she is moving on and doesn't refer to our home as home but just says the name of the town and I'm suddenly right back to square one.

To say I'm having massive detachment issues would be a huge understatement. Knowing I have abandonment issues and dealing with them are two very different things

mab1 · 06-27-2012, 12:01 AM

So, I seen to be running out if steam a bit following my initial burst of energy. Anyone got any good tips on how to keep moving forward? I want to use this crisis constructively but can feel myself slacking off as mental fatigue kicks in...
Posted via Mobile Device

Conrad · 06-27-2012, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mab1

So, I seen to be running out if steam a bit following my initial burst of energy. Anyone got any good tips on how to keep moving forward? I want to use this crisis constructively but can feel myself slacking off as mental fatigue kicks in...
Posted via Mobile Device

Anytime you are running on "negative energy" - to show her this or that, it won't last.

When you are running on your own positive energy - pursuing your own life and dreams, it will never run out.

synthetic · 06-27-2012, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mab1

So, I seen to be running out if steam a bit following my initial burst of energy. Anyone got any good tips on how to keep moving forward? I want to use this crisis constructively but can feel myself slacking off as mental fatigue kicks in...
Posted via Mobile Device

Find more female friends. No need to get romantic with anyone. Just spend your time with females. Attractive ones if possible. It really helps.

There's something in the air they exhale.

mab1 · 06-27-2012, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by synthetic

Find more female friends. No need to get romantic with anyone. Just spend your time with females. Attractive ones if possible. It really helps.

There's something in the air they exhale.

Somewhat struggling there. I'm a scientist and so work in a very male dominated geeky world. My circle of friends round here is small due to the codependancy thing and anyway they've all settled down so aren't much help there.

Was thinking of speed dating but it just seems a bit rubbish!