Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Going Through Divorce or Separation » Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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Old 06-06-2012, 09:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

So I get home at lunch yesterday and there is food just left out on the stove, chair tipped over in the dining room, juice cup and food in the living room. The place is a mess. Not a real big deal just not what I'm used to. My wife has just stopped caring about our house. I guess she sees it as my house now.

And then there is the kids. WW is always gone. If I go home for lunch they may be there one out of 12 times. After work, I can't remember the last time they were home when I got home. Then she doesn't get home until bedtime or later. I feel like she is keeping the kids from me already.

She is also spending money like we have it or something. Eating out all the time, buying new VSecret stuff, make-up, special juice drinks. I know some of this sounds petty but I feel like she is just wasting money and having a great time at my expense.

When she is home she goes to the basement or "hides" on her phone and expects me to deal with the kids. Like last night she got home at 8:30ish. The kids climbed on me right away to hug me etc. WW told them to come get PJs etc. The kids came back right away to read books. I just kept reading and holding them until WW said "I guess I'll do it" Meaning get the kids to bed. I wasn't going to push them to bed by myself because I wanted my kid time.

My daughter wanted me to put her to bed etc and of course I did. My son came out of his room 3 times just to give me a hug and a five. I put him back to bed again and again. WW was already downstairs by this time.
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Old 06-06-2012, 10:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

Why are you still sharing money and funding her WW buying ?
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Old 06-06-2012, 10:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

I'm not really. She is using her credit cards and her bank acct. The money in her bank acct was our tax refund. I have put in the divorce papers that I want half the tax refund back.

I worry about her running out of money and asking me for more though. Not real sure how that will work.

She has tried to cash out some of her IRA already and her lawyer told her she can't do that during a divorce so she had to put it back. HAHA
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Old 06-06-2012, 10:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

You haven't taken away her credit cards?

What is wrong with you?

You suddenly expected her to be responsible?
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Old 06-06-2012, 10:24 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by I want the kids! View Post
I feel like she is just wasting money and having a great time at my expense.
She is!! Why in the world are you putting up with it?

What is the rest of the story here?
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Old 06-06-2012, 10:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

I don't have any control over her accounts. I can't really stop her from wasting her money. What hurts is the way she is treating me and our house.

I feel like I have to clean up after her all the time. I understand I'll have to do all this on my own in the future and I do write down all this in my log so maybe I'll look better as a care giver in the courts eye.
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Old 06-06-2012, 03:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

Document everything. And you stand up not only for yourself, but also for your kids. They need a strong, confident, and caring parent that will always be there for them. That's you. Your WW checked out already. Mine did too. I held firm in staying in the house when things really got tough. Make sure you do the same. And stand up to your WW. I wish I did, because the WW doesn't respect their BS, no matter how nice and understanding we may be. The next time she tries to undermine your fathering time, pull her aside and tell her to cut that **** out!
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Old 06-06-2012, 03:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

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Originally Posted by I want the kids! View Post
I don't have any control over her accounts. I can't really stop her from wasting her money. What hurts is the way she is treating me and our house.
That's true. If they're in her name there's nothing you can do except hope you wont be responsible for any part of the debt she is accruing.

That must be one heck of a helpless feeling you've got there.
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Old 06-06-2012, 03:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

You're the guy whose wife is banging a nudist, right?

Have you done anything legally besides file for divorce? What kind of custody arrangement are you going for? She shouldn't be keeping the kids from you like that.

Don't say you aren't sure how it will work if she asks you for money. SAY NO. NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo. Practice saying it if you have to - just DO NOT give her any money.

And I agree you should be documenting all this. In detail.
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Old 06-06-2012, 04:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

I write something everyday in my log. Usually it goes like this: Home at lunch, no one home. Home after work, no one home. Did some chores. WW and kids get home around 8:30 and we get them ready for bed. WW goes downstairs to talk on her phone.

Repeat. I also add in anything my daughter tells me like "we were at the park with OM" or whatever.

My life stinks right now but I am doing the best I can for my kids.

As for the nudist thing, it is more like OM is trying to make my WW a nudist but he keeps his clothes on. So wierd. I think OM is just using her and the kids are along for the ride.

With all this info It looks good for me in court but the kids might suffer some in the long run. Well of course they will with divorce but I'm affraid WW will really get the shaft and the kids will miss out on their Mom time. But it will be best I think the way WW is acting.

Going for 100% custody. I put in my divorce papers for WW to see the kids every other weekend and Moms day only. It will be a stretch I'm sure being a no fault state.
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Old 06-07-2012, 03:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

Talked to my WW last night and asked her to cool it a little with the taking the kids to the park late so I can see them after work too. She agreed but also said that is why she lets me do whatever with them on the weekend. I think that she lets me do weekend stuff because the kids see me home and wouldn't want to go just with her.

She also said that they need to get used to doing things with one or the other of us like in the future. Which is true but I don't think that means she should keep them out late and then right to bed when they get home either. I'm looking for balanced time. All day while I'm at work should be enough and then the couple hours I get before bed isn't enough sometimes but that is all I can get.

I wish there was a way for me to get rich so I could just stay home all day. My kids ask me to stay home from work all the time and I have to explain that I have to go so we can get food and clothes etc.

All of you reading this be sure your kids get a good education so they can make enough money to live and not just get by. Of course there are a lot of people worse off than me. At least I didn't loose my job thru the collapse of the economy.

More self pity I know.
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Old 06-07-2012, 03:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

Stbxw and I were never really 'well off' .. hell, we lost our house and have been living at my mothers for 2 years. We were just about to buy another house when she pulled the plug.

Now we are both going to be in a ****ty situation financially for a while to come. Fantastic! Currently trying to find my own place in the next couple months once I save up enough (had to split savings with her when she left).

Money isn't everything though, I know a lot of couples who grind it out for years and years before they finally start living the life they dreamed of.

Hell, I was looking forward to my daughter starting full school next year so it was only my son going into daycare so she could start working full time and we could get that life we always talked about.

Now, she is content moving into welfare housing when she gets the call in the next year once they find her place.
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Old 06-07-2012, 04:04 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

As a family we would break even most months but as two families I don't know how it will work. WW was a stay at home, now I will have to figure out how to pay for daycare for my kids. One of the hardest parts for me is trusting that my kids get good care. Leaving them with "stangers" just makes me feel bad.

I'm sure I will figure all this out, I have to for my kids. I can start selling stuff I don't need and make ends meet. I figure I will be get child support too. (based on minimum wage but at least something)
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Old 06-07-2012, 04:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

I put my son on a daycare waiting list through the government website (so handy now that they have this) for 4 or 5 different daycares in the area.. that was about 2 months ago and I still have yet to get a call back.

Placed my daughter on the waiting list for the before and after care at her school (she will be entering grade 1) and have yet to get a response about her being accepted.

We decided after stbxw quit her last job (while I was off work due to my back) that she would become a SAHM .. wow what a mistake that was.

She wanted to move the kids to the country and change schools. I disagreed, took 3 months off work and have been trying to get them into day cares so I could go back to work. The best I was able to do is have my cousin watch them for July / August and hope they get in for September.
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Old 06-07-2012, 06:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife is nuts, miss my kids already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by I want the kids! View Post
She agreed but also said that is why she lets me do whatever with them on the weekend.... weekend stuff ...
Do you see a pattern your wife is trying to establish here?
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