I'm at work, getting stuff done and going through my usual day, and I look at my calendar and I see today is June 7. Nothing registers, it's just another day for me. About 3 hours later I'm looking at my calendar again when it suddenly hits me: today is my STBXW's birthday.
I had completely forgotten. It's not like I would have done anything anyway had I remembered; cheaters don't get recognition in my book. But still, there was a time when this day would have been special for me. Now, it's just another day.
What really floors me is the fact that I totally forgot. She keeps getting farther and farther down my list. And the real funny thing? I have a lunch date today with my lady friend.
Happy Birthday to you, X. Posted via Mobile Device
Thank you everybody. I can tell that my 180 is having an effect on her. My attorney called me Monday after work and said that she lawyered up and filed a motion for child support totaling close to $800/month for our 4 year old. When we separated she asked me to only pay $250/month, which I have been. It's not much, but I've been making the mortgage payment all on my own now in addition to all my other bills.
A mutual friend of ours told me that the X is doing this to get me out of my house. My guess is she has seen me move back into my house (the X got her own apartment in February and hasn't been back), and knows I'm moving on with my life and doesn't like it. My house is BEAUTIFUL on the inside now.
I've been dark for close to two months now, focusing on myself and my kids, and improving my life. Thankfully, to my knowledge she doesn't know about my lady friend, but I can guess she probably suspects I'm seeing someone since I suddenly got interested in getting my own place and making it awesome. To quote her own words to me from after we separated, she is just not a priority right now.
Forgetting her birthday is like icing on the cake. I didn't say a word on Mother's Day, and I sure as hell won't say anything today. I'm sure she knows I won't say anything, bu I can't help but wonder if a part of her wishes I would. Oh, the reality of separation and divorce!! Who would have ever thought I would be HAPPIER as a result of this?? Posted via Mobile Device
Stayed up till midnight on my stbxw's birthday talking to my lady friend. She is kinda going through a somewhat similar experience and we talk about it. I happened to mention this story to her during our lunch date, and she smiled BIG time. She thought it was just awesome. She knows everything, and she says I have a long battle ahead of me, and she's right.
STBXW is trying to make my life miserable; filed a status quo order to keep me from spending more time with my daughter, wants me to pay out the nose in child support so I can't afford my house...I can offer guesses as to why, but they're only guesses: she just wants a reaction out of me, she sees me happy without her and wants to make me unhappy, she's jealous that i'm turning the house into something awesome for me while she lives in a tiny apartment, she has nothing better to do... Sometimes I even think that she wants me out of the house so she can get me to try again. I live next door to my folks, and my brother and his partner live across the street (I come from a very close knit family), and she knows that there is no way in hell she could ever step foot in the house again with my family all around us. But forcing me out of the house, and away from my family, would give her the chance to encroach on my space again. I dunno.
All I can say is that no matter what she throws at me, I will deal with it and stand toe to toe. She has awoken something in me that cannot be out back to sleep. Posted via Mobile Device
Others will chime in but that's what Im thinking as well.
I remember you mentioning she seemed beat down, sad when you saw her. Im guessing she is regretting her decision BIG time and trying to have you suffer then chase her.
That's a very real possibility. That's because I've stopped chasing her. Completely stopped. The 180 works! Lol Once I made up my mind to proceed with divorce and live my life without her, I never once looked back. And as time went on, especially after I got confirmation of her PA, she got even more erratic in her behavior and that's when her sadness really started to show itself. The first time i saw her after i found out, she could barely look at me. But I do think there's a degree of "revenge" on her part too, I popped her fantasy bubble. I'm sure there's a degree of her wanting to pop my bubble as well in her decisions. Lol But she resisted divorce pretty hard, and whenever push comes to shove, she always finds a reason to delay the process and drag it out even more.
But I firmly believe she just doesn't like the fact that I'm moving on and that it's me rejecting her now, and not vice versa. I took that stick away from her, and she has no idea what to do about it, except escalate the situation. Posted via Mobile Device
And to expand on that though keko...it makes ZERO sense to me that having me suffer by keeping my kids from me and making me pay through the nose in child support would make me chase her! Quite the opposite, it's pushing me away even further. I don't even like her as a person anymore. I flat out told my counselor that...I don't even LIKE her anymore. Any last vestiges of good feelings for her have evaporated, or are in the process of evaporating.
I just don't understand the logic in escalating the situation to get me to chase her.
The mindset of stupid people are well...... stupid. Don't waste your time thinking what's the logic behind her actions.
One more thing you said YOUR house was next to your families so she can't get in without them seeing but have you changed the locks just to be safe? Im sure you would hate to see all your hardwork inside ruined if she somehow gets in.