i need to vent... everytime i feel like i am getting better i backslide. i want my stbx to love me, to want to be with me...
i finally start to feel like i have a normal day and then i talk to him and it all comes back. all i want to do is tell him how much he has hurt me and how i still care about him and he just wants nothing to do with me.
i know i shouldnt talk to him but i feel like i have no one else to turn to. i want to understand why he doesnt love me or want to be with me anymore and i just dont get it, nor will he provide me with any answers.
so i just end up crying all night! ugh, im so frustrated with him and myself.....
you can't force someone to feel what they don't feel honey, I've learnt that much
you can only start to heal when you stop talking to him all the time - for the first few weeks I talked to the ex every day and it was torture every time because he wouldn't really give me the answers I wanted
when that stopped it became much easier - it allows you to focus on YOU, not trying to make him feel something he doesn't. you think that you can try and talk him round and make him see sense...you can't, and the feeling of not having control is awful (particularly to a control freak like moi!), I do understand
yeah I felt like that for a while - in fact I persuaded him to come back for a few days, I just felt like chucking away 13 years without at least trying once was pretty unforgivable! But what happens is you end up acting unnaturally around each other to 'make it work' but all the old problems are still there
he will miss you..but it will take time. if you focus on getting your life back, getting some confidence and independence back you will a) feel much better about yourself and b) show him what the hell he's missing
the more you hang around waiting for him to throw you scraps the more control he has - I'm all about taking control BACK!
Well follow your heart. Im in a similar situation and although people call me dumb for trying, i keep trying. I promised my wife 'til death do us part' and i intend to keep it that way, no matter what. If its what you want, try. Dont give up. Posted via Mobile Device
i feel the same in that i dont think we should just give up without trying to fight, but he wont. part of me wants so badly to keep trying but then the logical part of me knows i need to take care of my self first and if he doesnt want me why should i want him?
i wish i could just tie him up and make him answer all of my questions until i was content! lol
I am in a similar situation other than the fact that I know full well she will never give me a second chance. I have days where I think I am getting over her and making good progress only to find myself in a rut a couple of days later thinking about how much life is going to suck without her in it. My guess it that it will continue like that for a while.
I think the 'no contact' advice that Dolly has given will help you. Unfortunately I have to see my ex 6 times a fortnight due to shared custody of our child with all the drop offs and pick ups...definitely makes it harder.
I am really sorry you feel this way. I know what that feels like and it tears your heart out. My IC described it this way. You can hook up two horses to the cart, but if one lays down, nothing moves. At that point, you have to unhitch and work on yourself. It hurts to hear this, but you will feel better in time. Dolly is right.
Ugh this all SUCKS!!! But I know one thing... if I wasn't able to come here and read, and vent, (and cry a lil), I'd be making the mistake of trying to talk to my stbxw or trying to see if she's met someone (foolish, jealous, prideful, ego of mine! lol). I'm addicted to this site, I believe. Like having someone who understands what I'm going through without biased judgement. Just cold hard truths, and sincere encouragement. What a Godsend you all are!