i need to vent... everytime i feel like i am getting better i backslide. i want my stbx to love me, to want to be with me...
i finally start to feel like i have a normal day and then i talk to him and it all comes back. all i want to do is tell him how much he has hurt me and how i still care about him and he just wants nothing to do with me.
i know i shouldnt talk to him but i feel like i have no one else to turn to. i want to understand why he doesnt love me or want to be with me anymore and i just dont get it, nor will he provide me with any answers.
so i just end up crying all night! ugh, im so frustrated with him and myself.....
you can't force someone to feel what they don't feel honey, I've learnt that much
you can only start to heal when you stop talking to him all the time - for the first few weeks I talked to the ex every day and it was torture every time because he wouldn't really give me the answers I wanted
when that stopped it became much easier - it allows you to focus on YOU, not trying to make him feel something he doesn't. you think that you can try and talk him round and make him see sense...you can't, and the feeling of not having control is awful (particularly to a control freak like moi!), I do understand
x
thanks Dolly... i do ok for a few days and then my head starts thinking again... if only we could give it a good try, maybe he is starting to see this isnt what he wanted.
but it never turns out like that, i just cant get rid of the hope and it kills me to know that he doesnt miss me like i do him. i feel like a love sick girl in highschool not a grown woman!
yeah I felt like that for a while - in fact I persuaded him to come back for a few days, I just felt like chucking away 13 years without at least trying once was pretty unforgivable! But what happens is you end up acting unnaturally around each other to 'make it work' but all the old problems are still there
he will miss you..but it will take time. if you focus on getting your life back, getting some confidence and independence back you will a) feel much better about yourself and b) show him what the hell he's missing
the more you hang around waiting for him to throw you scraps the more control he has - I'm all about taking control BACK!
Well follow your heart. Im in a similar situation and although people call me dumb for trying, i keep trying. I promised my wife 'til death do us part' and i intend to keep it that way, no matter what. If its what you want, try. Dont give up. Posted via Mobile Device
i feel the same in that i dont think we should just give up without trying to fight, but he wont. part of me wants so badly to keep trying but then the logical part of me knows i need to take care of my self first and if he doesnt want me why should i want him?
i wish i could just tie him up and make him answer all of my questions until i was content! lol
ha ha if only it were that easy! he may not be able to answer all your questions - that's part of the problem
I don't think my ex really knew what he wanted or why he wanted it, just that he didn't want THIS any more. Which is no real answer to anything but it's what I got!!
ha ha if only it were that easy! he may not be able to answer all your questions - that's part of the problem
I don't think my ex really knew what he wanted or why he wanted it, just that he didn't want THIS any more. Which is no real answer to anything but it's what I got!!
thats my stbx issue too i dont think he knows what he wants but he has always ran away and his family gives him the pass to do so with the excuses of "oh he has commitment issues"
i really think i am the only girl who has tried fighting for a relationship with him, know what that says about me or him is TBD, lol
just try not speaking to him for a bit - don't call him, don't be available when he calls, even if it's only for a few days at this stage. It WILL get easier, Dolly promises!!!
this place has been a real lifeline for me - everyone is here for you, helps to have people who are totally objective about your situation to pull you through the dark times
I am in a similar situation other than the fact that I know full well she will never give me a second chance. I have days where I think I am getting over her and making good progress only to find myself in a rut a couple of days later thinking about how much life is going to suck without her in it. My guess it that it will continue like that for a while.
I think the 'no contact' advice that Dolly has given will help you. Unfortunately I have to see my ex 6 times a fortnight due to shared custody of our child with all the drop offs and pick ups...definitely makes it harder.
I am really sorry you feel this way. I know what that feels like and it tears your heart out. My IC described it this way. You can hook up two horses to the cart, but if one lays down, nothing moves. At that point, you have to unhitch and work on yourself. It hurts to hear this, but you will feel better in time. Dolly is right.
Ugh this all SUCKS!!! But I know one thing... if I wasn't able to come here and read, and vent, (and cry a lil), I'd be making the mistake of trying to talk to my stbxw or trying to see if she's met someone (foolish, jealous, prideful, ego of mine! lol). I'm addicted to this site, I believe. Like having someone who understands what I'm going through without biased judgement. Just cold hard truths, and sincere encouragement. What a Godsend you all are!
From one who has passed the year mark in a very similiar situation, it will get easier (somewhat).
Contact with STBXH has been relegated to only by email. He keeps asking DS why I won't speak to him on the phone. DS just says asks what did he expect after what he did and continues doing.
Helps that we are in different states now, never have to worry about crossing paths. Since both kids are grown there's no co-parenting needed either.
Not that I don't have those days when I wish things were not like they are, but that is the past. The person I once loved has, in a sense, died and I must find a way to continue MY life without him.
TAM has been a refuge, strength source and a venting outlet for me and likely will be for a while more.
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