Mothra777

I am 2.5 months out from my wife dropping the 'love but not in love bomb' and she moved out 3 weeks ago. I am in IC and am on antidepressants to cope with the shock/grief of it all.

My wife was on dating sites prior to moving out but last week I learned that she has already dated a couple of guys...not sure if it went further than dinners out but the whole thing still erks me even though I am trying to detach. Anyway it sent me back down into an abyss that I thought I was climbing out of. I stopped the exercise, started eating crappy food and also went on a 2 night bender with friends on Friday/Saturday night. Come Sunday I felt like crap - hungover, lonely and depressed. I could see that I had put back some of the weight I lost when I hit the 180 hard. Sunday was a major 'pity party'

I thought I was headed down a dark path but then today I dragged myself out of bed and made myself exercise. First a 10km bike ride. Had a bit of break and did some work on the computer and then did Tony Horton's Fat Burner Express (a 40min cardio workout). So by lunch time I reckon I had sweated out a couple of litres! Physical health aside, I was surprised at just how effective these bursts of exercise were on my mental state. Immediately my thoughts were less clouded and my self esteem rose a little (its taken a battering over this whole thing).

I am not after a pat on the back or anything but just wanted to share and remind people out there who are having a sh**tty time that exercise can make a world of difference to your thought patterns - even if it just makes you forget the whole mess just for a short time, it is well worth it.

UpnDown

Good for you dude, I too exercise a lot now .. but I really don't find it helps my mental state.

keko

How about physically?

You need to prepare yourself for your stbx's replacement.

UpnDown

Physically? Oh ya there is a HUGE difference in how I look physically. 40 lbs dropped, but that doesn't take into consideration the lbs of muscle I've put on. My weights have been going up quite a bit and that's without me being on a diet, which I have a meal plan for but need to get back to work to afford it.

Hell, the suit I bought last year doesn't even fit me anymore. I dressed up for my daughters dance recital yesterday and I had to poke 2 new notches into my belt lol. The dress shirt looked silly on me even tucked as far as it could go and I couldn't wear the jacket because it looked huge and funny.

As for my replacement, I have been replaced. I know it in my gut, replaced by an EA for sure (the proof was in the 200mb a day she was going through). If not an EA anymore then someone local, so I guess I really just need confirmation and then it will hit me in the gut.

She's so angry at me, I can feel the contempt, the resentment, total disrespect and all that other fun stuff. But they can stew in it for all I care.

I have grown so much as a person in the last 2 months thanks to these boards and just the fact that I have only myself to focus on.

Once I go back to work it's going to be a real grind, being on a 2 week swing shift. When I'm on evenings I will have all morning / early afternoon to myself .. no kids, BUT I can hit the gym every single morning.

Then when I'm on days, I will have the kids after work from daycare BUT I can pick them up a hour later (around 530ish) so I have a hour and a bit to hit the gym before getting them. Which means in 2 months time I will have endless time for the gym, I am excited for that.

keko

I meant the lady that will eventually take your stbx's place.

What your stbx does/screws should no longer concern you.
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UpnDown

Oh ya I know what she does is non of my business. Would be a liar if I said it won't bother me but I know it's just another thing to work on in time.

As for 'her replacement', in time I will want to meet someone of course but there are so many things I need to do first (like get my own place) before I would even consider it.

Mothra777

I too would be lying if I said who my ex is with doesn't bother me. I know she will hook up with someone soon if she has not already. I need to detach much further before I will be comfortable with it. It is probably my biggest stumbling block.

I am also not ready to replace her. It would be a rebound and damaging for me as well as the other person. I have had a look on the dating sites though and saw a very compatible lady with very similar interests as me....got tempted to start a chat but decided it is way too soon.

UpnDown - it sounds like you are getting yourself in great shape and losing a stack of weight. When you mentioned your jacket looked huge and funny, I was picturing the big suit that Talking Heads once used:

Talking Heads - 14.Girlfriend Is Better - YouTube

our vision shattered

Yeah gotta agree,2months in for me & have a lady that has definetly come on too me hard,very attractive, single mans delight. I couldn't even think about it. Actually makes me sick. Till the day my divorce is final I'm married, still gonna take more too for me to come back

UpnDown

Lol yeah, that would be me.

When I can see whoever she is dating .. it's going to kill me, just knowing they are messing around. But at the same time, this whole divorce was killing me at the start as well .. not so much anymore (even though I do get some serious setbacks).

canguy66

Mothra, I'm sorry to hear about the backslide, but great to know you're bouncing back. Exercise is so important right now. I stopped walking/exercising for a few weeks in May and I nosedived. After a few days of walking I started to get my perspective and strength back.

Here's a great video about the important on 30 minutes of walking every day:

23 and 1/2 hours: What is the single best thing we can do for our health? - YouTube

__________________
“The sun always rises, and you never know what the tide will bring in.” - from Cast Away

sadsoul101

This is very true. The treadmill and I are very good friends now. My new motto is: Anyone who hates running has never been through a divorce.

UpnDown

Oh dude I hate running on treadmills. 30 minutes oliptical and then 30 inclined speed walking