I do wish that was the case. However after piecing things together and really knowing her it's done. I do wish that I had a chance here but it's bit the case. I've been cool as can be and I've been played the entire time. She emotionally moved on months ago and has been planning this with her mother for some time. It all boils down to the lack of effection and and intimacy in our relationship. She has replaced that with her new job and very likely her new sex partner.
I've accepted it and I'm now moving forward looking to the future. I've left a message with an attourney and will be changing the locks in the morning. It pains me to do all of this but this is final. I know my STBXW and this is no bluff.
My actions now will support a full force divorce while trying to remain civil. I've somewhat detached myself from her and she is now my enemy and not my wife what so ever. I will not show her that I'm hurting and and be very clinical with her. I'm done with this and her now.
Time to accept and move on.
I will update everyone on how the divorce goes from this point on.
Hey youu.!!...Dint you sleep with any one so long??And if you don''t try to wipe your wife's hurt and show that you are hurting,How will she ever know?Why did you marry her ,to make her your enemy!Trust me ,sometimes a simple clean-hearted apology will work wonders.Let her know that you are not an arrogant and proud person and that you have feelings for her .How will she know, if you don't give up your pride??.Let her feel sure and secure that the mistakes won't happen againand that she is safe with you.You won't hurt her again.She needs someone who loves her-everyone does!!So you accept defeat so soon?A pity !! What ,if you feel later in your life ,that you blew the best part of your life with your ego??Then probably she will be out of your reach.I pity you! You are not even sure that she is with someone and make funny assumptions.Trust an old lady!Try your best before giving up!!
I appreciate your thoughts, but you don't understand my situation or my wife. She has checked out long before she left and has moved on with her life in her new town home. The lack of intimacy has allowed her to completely lose the desire for me and also the desire to come back into the relationship. All the divorcebusting in the world cannot move this one from her decision.
I have contacted an attorney and will start the divorce precedings. I love her more than anyone in this world but I can't manipulate or plead her back to me. I've stated that I lover her and would never hurt her again, but when someone is done and I mean really done and ready to move on there is nothing the other person can do. It takes the other person to have a glimmer of hope to want to work it out for anything to happen. She loves her new life and the freedom of not having to take care of a depressed husband. She quit the marriage when things got difficult and she didn't see an improvement.
I'm sorrier than anyone in this whole situation and have prayed and tried but it's not happening.
I may not know as much as you.But ,I don't want anybody to suffer.Don't spoil your life over silly things.People around you may be telling you the same.People of your age don't know what to advise ,they are basically all in the same boat.Girls envy and boys advise you not to leave your pride.Pride spoils more than all.Don't be misguided.She probably found a new job to forget the pain !!You never know!! She's probably giving you the time and space,or may be bluffing you?And she is not your girlfriend to leave as soon as you lost a job! She is your wife if she feels loved protected and secure with you she will stick with you and even clean your **** when you are too weak to do so!She probably doesn't understand that you won't hurt again ,else she loves someone else.But she did love you and you did too when you said your "I do!".She will eventually remember the person she fell in love with and want to be with you more.But ,it's your life finally!!I found your post funny !!I have seen people disgusted ,who couldn't stand their wife even for a second.But you, you love her and want to divorce her??for her happiness,she loves someone you don't even really know its true?And your posts vary from love to hate ,anger ,sadness,pain,love again?You give up because you can't change her mind?You are fine living without her in your life then you will know it is over."I do hope that my wife will allow me back into her heart. I've been so neglectful and her roommate for a long time. I have woken up and would love to show her the new me. I know she isn't ready for that and may never be. I also want to have sex with her very badly now that I have gotten out of my depression. It's very bad place to be and very hard to deal with. I love her very much but have to be as patient as I can be.I think again it seems as if she isn't ready to discuss anything or that she hasn't really healed from the years of neglect at this point.I know deep down she loves me and does want this to work out I think.It becomes more difficult over time when I don't hear from her for a while"
You probably don't have much stuff inside you to get her back?I feel you are being misguided.I don't know what to say, but either way you have a rough road ahead of you.Take care @
It's not that I'm misguided and getting bad advice. She has moved on and isn't interested in coming back. That's all there is to it. You can't make someone change their mind about by chasing after them and expressing your feelings to them. She knows how I feel and everything that I've done to be the person that she married. She doesn't want that person either. She doesn't want to be with me in any form or fashion outside of maybe being friends one day. She will be the one to file since she wants a divorce. I will consult an attorney and go from there.
When a person is really done you can't hold on to false hope or let anyone let you believe when there is a chance. It's not good for anyone. My wife is gone from my life and there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change that.
Again you don't understand my situation and are making uneducated assumptions stemming from your experiences and the people that you have dealt with. It's a different situation.
Yea thanks for all that crystall, nice. Not any help there.
Anyway found out today that she has been having an affair with an old friend of her's. Talking with an attorney today and will be filing this week. No more holding out hope on this one. Time to move on from here.
The funny thing is that she really is a great person and I'm this depressed person in her eyes that can't be with anyone. I know she is dealing with a lot of anger and resentment with me at this time.
I'm just going to follow through with the divorce since it does take 60 days here when we file. I sent her an email asking for 500 of the 1000 that it will cost. The anger will go away and the hurt will come out, but I think it's a different kind of hurt and it makes things easier. There's no more of the false hope and why is she not wanting to give this a chance. Well now I know and I'm glad that I do know.
Once again Crystall thanks for the support. I hope things are always as easy and as straightforward as you seem to think mine are. I'm sure over the course of your life people have tagged you as a pretty negative person. I don't wish you any ill will, but I'm not sure you are helping anyone when you post.
I will keep venting here because it does help to get my thoughts out. My pain today is mainly the pain of losing my best friend and the person that I cherished most in life. It's very sad when thinking of all the laughs that we had and all the good times that we had. I'm sure that's the hardest part everyone. She responded to my email about the divorce by saying that she will pay the 500 for her half of the divorce. She also said that she was sorry for how angry I am with her???? I've done nothing to express anger towards her at all. I think she is referring to the fact that I contacted a lawyer so soon. She wasn't expecting that and I'm sure she is feeling a little guilty with how she's handled this whole situation.
I responded to her email with a simple thanks for sending the checks in the mail. Nothing more nothing less. I think she was looking for a response to the I'm sorry you're so angry with me comment. I think it's time to let her lean on the OM shoulder's now and let her know that she made this decision and now the wheels are in motion. I surely don't want this to happen in anyway shape or form but what choice do I have after all this?? After she has drug this out when she knew good and well she wasn't coming back and still asked for money. I'm really hurt by this, I love her very much and was truly had some major issues that I should have faced during out marriage. I'm having a difficult time forgiving myself for those errors in judgment. I just wish that she had the strength to tough it out with me through all this and we could have made it to the other side.
She is now filling the void with someone else and it's a painful painful thought. I know deep down there is someone out there that will take the vows to heart and not check out. I still wish it would be her, but that hope is gone and I have to admit that and try to move forward.
I wish I was still angry with her for how she has handled this and treated me for the past two months. The flip side is that she is still so angry with me because of the neglect I showed her for so long. She has a lot of resentment built up inside her. That hurts as well knowing that she thinks of me that way.
Sorry for the long post, just venting here I think.
Thanks again for everyone being there to help me get through these emotions.
Hi Sinatra, been reading your posts. I kinda know how you feel. Everyone's situation is different and I think I am beating a dead horse too. I'm sorry you are going thru all this pain and wish better days for both of us!
Another rant today. I went to sleep pretty happy and at peace with the whole sitch. When I wake up it's another story completely. I feel alone and longing for that love that my wife showed me and the kiss that I gave her each day I left for work.
Today I'm dealing with a lot of guilt. Guilt of neglecting her physically which drove a wedge into our emotional bond for one another. I've taken full responsibility for that and have expressed that to her. I don't think she has forgiven me for that and that's the main reason that she made the choice to leave and start seeing someone else. I have to forgive myself for that as well I guess. The depression that I was experiencing was completely the reason for this but I didn't get help in time to save my marriage and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I have learned that lesson and will not do that again for any problem that comes up in future relationships.
I also feel that she should have not given up on me or the marriage. That was her choice completely and I have to accept that as well. It hurts to think back on the times when she would tell me how much she loved me and would always be there for me no matter what. That wasn't very long ago. When I was going through the cancer diagnose and surgery she was by my side telling me we could get through this and we will get through whatever is thrown our way. Even when I lost my job in December she was telling me we will get through this without hesitation. I now recognize that she got tired of being the one to carry the relationship and be the strong one for us. Again me dealing with guilt on the matter.
How do I accept and forgive myself for driving this wedge between us? I feel responsible for this situation. I do know that she made a choice and sometime just decided that she couldn't take it anymore or that she didn't want to take it anymore. I remember her saying that I have sucked everything out of her and she had nothing else to give. I'm not sure how to take that but I do understand that depression can do just that if not treated in time. It's like a terminal cancer on the relationship. Eventually if left untreated will take over and kill any love that was there in the relationship. I know this because I've witnessed the destruction first hand.
On the other side I feel if the roles were reversed that I wouldn't have given up. I'm not for certain because I wasn't in her shoes for that amount of time. I just know that I cherished her so much but didn't show her that at all. It sucks that I kept that to myself so much and didn't express it enough to her. I have to find away to deal with these feelings of regret, remorse and guilt. It eats me up inside to feel this way. It keeps me from feeling the anger that I feel I should be feeling to help me to start to move forward and continue with the process of grieving this loss.
I do apologize for these long rants but basically I feel as I'm doing my journaling on these forums with the hope that some of you great people will help me process these emotions and thoughts.
Thank you everyone for your continued support during these times.
Sinatra, I feel all these same emotions but my anger is still there when it comes to my H not communicating how he felt. He is a grown man (despite in his mind he is about 18) and it is a simple matter of OPEN MOUTH.....SPEAK! I will always be angry for that because I, like you, wouldn't have thrown in the towel on a long marriage without trying!
Sinatra, remember time heals all wounds but scars will always remain. Take this life lesson and apply it to the next relationship that comes along. Good luck to ya my friend.
__________________
"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her"
Re: Separated for a month and still in limbo land
Try your best before giving up!!
I found your post funny !!I have seen people disgusted ,who couldn't stand their wife even for a second.But you, you love her and want to divorce her??for her happiness,she loves someone you don't even really know its true?And your posts vary from love to hate ,anger ,sadness,pain,love again?You give up because you can't change her mind?You are fine living without her in your life then you will know it is over."I do hope that my wife will allow me back into her heart. I've been so neglectful and her roommate for a long time. I have woken up and would love to show her the new me. I know she isn't ready for that and may never be. I also want to have sex with her very badly now that I have gotten out of my depression. It's very bad place to be and very hard to deal with. I love her very much but have to be as patient as I can be.I think again it seems as if she isn't ready to discuss anything or that she hasn't really healed from the years of neglect at this point.I know deep down she loves me and does want this to work out I think.It becomes more difficult over time when I don't hear from her for a while"
