So I went to my friends funeral service yesterday and man that was hard. There were over 2,000 people there. Just goes to show you what an amazing person she was and how many people she touched during her short life. My W did show up but I was sitting with a row of friends so she sat in a different area with other friends of mine. She was telling them that she wished that she was able to sit with me.
After the initial service while everyone was gathering outside the main hall she came up to me and hugged me for a good 5 minutes and we both cried pretty hard. She said she was so sorry and so shocked about my friend. I then started to let my emotions get the better of me with the whole situation and asked how she was doing. We haven't talked since she walked out the last time about a month ago. She said so so not so good. I then asked her if she still wanted to go through with everything. I know I know I shouldn't have said anything at all but I just had too much damn emotions going through me and it was tough to control them. She just said that she didn't want to talk about it. I told her I didn't either and changed the subject and asked her if she was working tonight. She said yes and something about them not allowing her take off the full day. I told her that I appreciated her coming and I'm sure my friend would have too. We then hugged for another pretty long time and she cried some more and left.
Please don't bash me for saying anything to her. It wasn't the place or the time and I know I shouldn't have said anything at all. I'm beating myself up much more than anyone could do at this point. Just couldn't control my freaking emotions at that point and was trying to reach out.
I'm leaving her alone and it does seem that she wants to move forward with getting the divorce. I'm just just trying to get past all this. Her MIL txted me later in the evening and asked if I was ok. Just told her "yes doing the best I can under the curcumstances. Thanks for asking."
I'm not reading anything into anything and trying to pick up the pieces of my life. My goals now are to try and get my house refinanced so I have a better chance of keeping it. Also, try and get a clean bill of health. Focusing on work during all this and taking care of my two boxers, which are like kids and require a ton of attention.
You all have been very supportive through all of this every time. I appreciate anyone's input as usual. Thank you so much again. This board has helped me numerous times to get through some really hard times.
Hey Sinatra, you are going to make it! I know it's hard, trust me I know. As of right now I am making my exit plan and will carry it out. I have a knot the size of a basketball in my stomach just thinking about all this I am going through. Keep your spirits up better days are ahead for you (and me).
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"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her"
No bashing. I know this story, including doing the very things you convince yourself you won't do, and then beating yourself up over it.
Eventually, there will come a point where you get tired of beating yourself up - and you will simply make different choices.
I remember believing that if I pour out my heart, she will know how much I love her, and she will love me back - because that is how it's supposed to work. It didn't. It doesn't. It won't.
I often mention being selfish with your needs and well-being. For a long time, I pursued my wife to selfishly preserve my sense of well-being. Then at some point it became clear that the pursuit was no longer about self-preservation, it was more like self-destruction. It consistently produced the absolute opposite of what I wanted to accomplish.
So at this point I should just leave it alone and continue NC? I was going to send her an email and ask her to come and get the rest of her stuff in a few weeks. She might beat me to it for all I know.
I would tell her to come get the rest of her stuff, the less of her around the less for you to dwell on...moving on sucks so bad I have no other words for it. Especially when you aren't the one whom wants to move on. I'm struggling w/this very thing right now and currently losing the battle.
My heart goes out to you and everyone out here Sinatra. But again I'd just shoot her a quick message and ask her to come get her stuff so that you may start moving on.
If you want it gone, send the email. But given the recent death of your friend, and the interaction with her, there is no harm in letting the dust settle.
I'm just going to leave it alone for a little while. There is some stupid feeling that I have inside that there's a little hope. Even when all realistic thoughts point towards a divorce. She hasn't contacted me since the funeral for my friend last week.
My birthday is this Thursday and although I'm not expecting anything from her, deep down I would love to hear from her. It's better that I don't at this point.
My grandmother sent some pictures from her 95th birthday to my W a couple weeks ago and she hasn't contacted my grandmother. I didn't expect her to, but my grandmother misses talking with her so she sent over some pictures. I just let her know that it looks like she isn't going to contact you and to let her go at this point.
I moved bedrooms today. Even though my master is bigger than the room I moved into I needed a paradigm shift I think. Waking up in that room was getting to me and I needed a change. It was difficult and I did get upset while doing it. That was something that my wife and I wanted to do before because we felt better in that room.
This just sucks all around and I'm trying to stay positive and the pain is getting less and less each day. Just have to continue NC and moving forward, but I can't get this stupid false hope out of my head. I'm pretty sure that's just me not wanting to "let it go" completely.
I'm just going to leave it alone for a little while. There is some stupid feeling that I have inside that there's a little hope. Even when all realistic thoughts point towards a divorce. She hasn't contacted me since the funeral for my friend last week.
My birthday is this Thursday and although I'm not expecting anything from her, deep down I would love to hear from her. It's better that I don't at this point.
My grandmother sent some pictures from her 95th birthday to my W a couple weeks ago and she hasn't contacted my grandmother. I didn't expect her to, but my grandmother misses talking with her so she sent over some pictures. I just let her know that it looks like she isn't going to contact you and to let her go at this point.
I moved bedrooms today. Even though my master is bigger than the room I moved into I needed a paradigm shift I think. Waking up in that room was getting to me and I needed a change. It was difficult and I did get upset while doing it. That was something that my wife and I wanted to do before because we felt better in that room.
This just sucks all around and I'm trying to stay positive and the pain is getting less and less each day. Just have to continue NC and moving forward, but I can't get this stupid false hope out of my head. I'm pretty sure that's just me not wanting to "let it go" completely.
I'm missing her a lot today.
Sinatra,
My heart goes out to you man, I keep holding on to the thin shred of hope as well, and I'm 2 weeks away from court
It hurts so hard to let go. I was doing some googling last night about ex's getting back together etc because I really have been seeing lately that it's hard for mine to let go which makes it even harder for me to understand why he's letting go. But he's doing it anyway.
I always wonder how many people go thru this only later to realize it was a mistake because one or the other or both didn't try hard enough or whatever the circumstances may be. Anyways there were a lot of success stories on there. Not that I will stop my life waiting for him to return or waiting for them time if and when we're brought back together. I'm only saying that if it's meant to be it will find its way back eventually. Me personally in order for me to get through this situation which is totally out of my control and stop letting him hurt me so much, is to relinquish it fully into God's hands. Or else I'ma kill myself (figeratively/mentally not physically).
I'm missing him today too. Hugs to you as I too hold on to my little piece of hope. Either way we WILL we HAVE to get through this.
So a quick update. It's my birthday today and I wasn't expecting anything from her or her family. I got a call from MIL and she wished me happy birthday. It was a pretty quick conversation and she told me about a catering event her and my W are doing this weekend. That was the first time I've talked with her on the phone since all this happened back in Feb. Then when I'm on the phone with her my W txt'd me "Happy Birthday Sweets!"
Someone please tell me how to approach this one? I've had a lot of people just tell me to not respond at this point. I haven't responded to her at all. I'm thinking it doesn't really mean anything at this point, but I know you all have some good advice on how to approach these types of situations. This is the first time I've heard from her since she showed up at the funeral on Tuesday. Thinking that she just is wishing me happy birthday and that's that.
Yikes I don't know what to do about that one. My urge wld be to respond even when I shlouldnt
My self control when it comes to NC is a little lacking. I'd say if you can handle it don't respond. See how she reacts to you not jumping when she makes a move. However if you just can't make it simply respond with "Thanks for thinking of me" or a simple "Thank You" and take it from there.
Should be sufficient. I acknowledge that we are in different places in terms of moving forward - so again, take my input with a grain of salt.
What you see as reaching out, I see as cruel and manipulative. "Sweets???" WTF??
If she knows you, then she knows damn well what dangling those little carrots out there means. I see it as a fishing expedition - she is waiting to see how you respond. So don't give her the satisfaction.
Yep. I got a little anger going at the moment. Reading your post really bothered me. If she really wanted to reach out ... she would have friggin called you.
So another response option would be:
"Gee a text on my B-day? Thanks for going the extra mile."
Someone please tell me how to approach this one? Thinking that she just is wishing me happy birthday and that's that.
y'know, i think there's more to this than meets the eye. are you the "sweets" she's referring to? of course. yeah she is "just wishing you a happy birthday." but "sweets?" she opened the door again.
my wife told me once after txting me some pretty loving stuff that it "means more than a phone call because it's a written records for you."
hmmm...i've been wrong before. but....
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
Re: Separated for a month and still in limbo land
