Whew, the past two days have been rough. Ive had to have a lot of contact (by email only) with her about seperation of property, etc.
If it's yours or you have any legitimate claim to it, just take it and deny her access. Let the lawyers sort out ownership afterwards. If it's clearly hers put it all in a box and dump it with her. Minimum contact. Take charge, get things done without her as much as possible. Show her you're getting HER out of YOUR life.
She has been pushing my buttons and Ive been very angry the past two days. I know I dont want her back, I just cant believe she is such a selfish b**** to me now.
Yes, this was one of the most difficult things for me to understand when it happened to me also. It leaves you wondering how can a person change so much, so fast? Who is this person? Who are you and what have you done with my wife? Quite probable she wants you to stop wanting her. She can still FEEL that 2% you say you hope for, in the subtlest things you do and say. All guys exhibit wussy behavior from time to time, some more than others. Women have a radar for wussy-ness. A wuss-dar. It's innate, it's how they've evolved to select alpha males, and feel repulsed by beta behavior. And divorce makes many guys MUCH wussier than normal. And believe me, the NICER you are, the MEANER she will be, because everything you do that's NICE she takes as a sign she has to be even MEANER to get you to stop wanting her. Getting space i.e. from you and interactions with you may even feel like a life or death struggle for her. Women can say they are "dying inside" in a relationship without love. You may SAY you are moving on and you don't want her. But if you have ANY feeling at all of wanting or needing her, she WILL sense it and continue to be mean to you. Minimum contact is strength.
If she can change attitude that much in 3 weeks, I hate to see her in 3 months.
No. Think positive. Remember she's not in a normal state with you. People don't act rationally during divorce. This is not normal behavior. Her state of mind could quite easily be one of survival. It is possible for women to flip back just as fast, and start being nice again, perhaps even having major regret about the divorce, esp. if she realizes what she's throwing away - but you have to prove you've totally let her go first if you want that choice. Be COLD and UNEMOTIONAL rather than friendly. Be STOIC, UN-RATTLED rather than angry. Be focused on your GREAT NEW LIFE WITHOUT HER.
She asked for the D, said you file or I will, so I did. Im giving her what she wants, why be so pissy about it.
She's almost certainly being mean to force you to let her go and/or because you're (correctly) not making life easy for her. She may also subconsciously want you to show some strength and FIGHT her (in the sense of stand up for yourself), because she is bound to still have some feeling of attachment for you and be instinctively Sh1t-testing you. It's good that you filed but don't let her control you, or appear to. In any way. You have to be in charge. You have to dominate her in every respect. Notice your interactions. If she tells you to do something, ignore her. Go ahead and do what you want. You could have said, "I've already filed." or "My plans are none of your business now." Both of these are much stronger answers. Are you really giving her what she wants? Remember she didn't really want a divorce. Who gets married wanting a divorce? That's just the symptom. She wants love. She just doesn't believe she wants love from you right now.
I didnt cause this. I sent her a final proposal yesterday and Im still waiting to hear back. This whole thing just pisses me off so bad. I have to bite my tongue until this is finished. I have too much to lose if it turns ugly. I just dont unerstand where she is coming from and I get mad. Just venting here instead of with her.
Don't wait on her. Have as little interest in her as possible. Do you try to understand a mosquito? View her like that right now. Show her she has that much value to you now. Why is it buzzing on this side now instead of that side? No, don't dwell on that, you just want it to go away. Brush her aside, in reality and in your mind. Get on with your life. I know it's almost impossible to do, but try not to let her consume your thoughts every moment. Make a plan to clinically remove her from you life, execute it, then put your attentions on your health and wealth. Focus on trying to feel good alone. Pain is weakness leaving the body. The corollary to that is that emotional pain is emotional weakness leaving the body. Know that you are getting stronger every day. And by her challenges she is HELPING you get stronger. Let her do her thing. Handle it clinically, unemotionally.