nursemama

I've posted to this site before about my situation and got great feedback. I initiated separation in January due to fighting and his abuse of pain pills. We had been working on marriage and had ultimate goal of getting back together when he decided maybe I wasnt trying enough and time apart had been too long so on mothers day early morning he told me he found someone else and was done working on our marriage. So now I am pregnant and due end of august with what will be his first son. He has always wanted a son named after him and to make the baby a junior. I have been against it and said we could use his first name as a middle name and baby would still have his last name of course. It means the world to him he keeps saying etc.... but I dont know that I can name this child after his father under these circumstances. Am i being selfish? Thoughts and opinions please!!

Conrad

If he's with PosOW, he has nothing to say about the name of the baby.

Going along with him (against your wishes) is doormat behavior.

tacoma

Hell no, tell him to piss up a rope.

canttrustu

Maybe his 'new' POS OW would be willing to have a child with him and give it his name.....

Good luck. Sorry youre going thru this when you need him most.

nursemama

I think the name thing is like an honor and not a right or entitlement and if he decided to be with another woman while we are pregnant and still married he kinda gave a lot of his right to his opinion up. He says him being with another woman should have nothing to do with naming of child and men and women will come and go from mine and his lives but him and I are linked forever with this child and the childs name shouldnt be decided out of emotion. I've stood up for myself all this time but his master manipulation has almost exhausted me. For now I'm avoiding contact and the subject, as I'm so emotional, hormonal, and stressed about the situation that the name is not my top priority to worry about. Thanks for feedback.

samyeagar

Oh for christs sake, what an insecure ass that he dreams of having his son named after him, and demanding that it happen. Tell him you would be happy to adopt a dog from the animal shelter and name it after him...much more fitting.

golfergirl

I hadn't heard that in forever! Piss up a rope!
OP, he doesn't deserve that honor. When he gave up son at least 50 percent of the time and when he tore apart unborn baby's family with no regard, he lost that honor.
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that_girl

Don't let him in when you are delivering and name the baby yourself.

He tells you on MOTHER'S DAY that he found someone else? Sorry.... But there was someone else all along.

What a POS.

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EleGirl

His wanting to name his son after himself is based no emotions. So his argument does not hold water.

Are you going to allow him to be at the birth?

Have divorce papers been filed? If not you should file ASAP so that he has no rights to be at the birth, etc.

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Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

Conrad

When he asks, you can explain cake eating to him.

golfergirl

Say, 'I was going to name baby after your but didn't think it would be fair to name an innocent baby 'Dirty Cheating A$$ hole'
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that_girl

Yea. Lots of "demands" from someone who is in NO position to make such demands.

I would just tell him that I won't be naming MY son after a man I hope to never see again. No need for reminders.

My ex wanted a son named after him. I was so happy when we found out we were having a girl. Problem solved. No way in hell was I going to give my child the name of the man that I knew was not going to be in our lives forever.

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EleGirl

You might want to seriously start treating him according to the 180... see the link in my signature block below.

He is using your willingness to talk to you to pour salt on your wounds.

He's left you in a very difficult position. You need positive things and support now. Seek it from family and friends who actually care about you.

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Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

samyeagar

I guess I just don't understand the whole naming a son after me thing. My youngest shares my name as his middle name, but that was pretty much only because we couldn't come up with anything else It was never a big deal to me, or anything I really ever thought about.

SlowlyGettingWiser

Why not throw all of your STBXH's cr*p back in his face?'

Nursemama: "I was considering naming MY son after his sperm donor, but then I 'decided maybe I wasn't trying enough' to give him a meaningful name so on Mother's Day I found another name and I'm 'done working on' MY son's name."

Nursemama: "You're right, you being with another woman should have nothing to do with naming of child, just as MY being with you IN THE PAST should have nothing to do with naming of child. Again, you're right; the child's name shouldn't be decided out of emotion. I'm afraid naming him after you WOULD be based purely on emotion on YOUR part. I guess when YOU can give birth to YOUR OWN SON, then YOU can name him whatever you please...without emotion, of course!"

"I have a beautiful name picked out for MY son. You can read it on his birth certificate when you sign it."

Then pick a name YOU like, keep it to yourself, make sure STBXH is not allowed in your delivery room (shouldn't be hard, you're the mama in labor and they want to keep you calm; since you're divorcing him...shouldn't be hard for hospital staff to comprehend), make sure your entire delivery team KNOWS that your STBXH dumped you at 6 months pregnant ON MOTHER'S DAY and that YOU and YOU ALONE will be naming your son (your STBXH is NOT to have ANY SAY on the birth certificate.) Trust me, they'll ALL be willing to help you out with putting the name YOU have chosen on his birth certificate. And, they might even be willing to let you snip a little more than just your son's umbilical cord (if you know what I mean!)