I have been thinking a lot lately about the whole things most guys experience once or twice. From the outside, they see a very beautiful woman in a relationship, and then the relationship ends, and the mind automatically goes to "How could he have screwed that up?" and "If I had a woman like that, I'd never let her go. I do what ever it takes." I am not sure if women have those same thoughts, but am actually very interested to hear if they do.
I have been on both sides of that thought process now. From the outside, I have seen gorgeous women have relatiosnhips end, and have wondered how the guy could have ever let her go, and I have been on the inside now as well, and have let a smoking hot woman go, and I know there are guys thinking that about me, and I can understand where they are coming from, but they have no idea where I am coming from. It is so easy as an outsider to think those things.
I think all of us guys need to remember, especially now that we have been on both sides of it, that boundaries are critical. Do not fall into the mindset of the guy who was on the outside when you find youself on the inside. You can't let yourself become everything she wants you to be just to keep her. Just so other guys won't ask how you let her go.
Guys, look around...beautiful women are a dime a dozen. There is no need to even think that you need to ease your boundaries, or compromise yourself just to get or keep a woman you think you like. I know that is a hard thing to do, but there are plenty of women that you will not have to commpromise yourself for, becase once you compromise, it gets harder and harder to move back. Set standards and keep them because if you don't, you will end up right back here.
awesome post SAM, there are lots of beautiful women but i want inner beauty i think more than anything, that good wholesome soul. every thing from there is 2ndary for me, I've been with beautiful women & the problem is they know they're beautiful & they act like they're privileged. too me that's a turn off
awesome post SAM, there are lots of beautiful women but i want inner beauty i think more than anything, that good wholesome soul. every thing from there is 2ndary for me, I've been with beautiful women & the problem is they know they're beautiful & they act like they're privileged. too me that's a turn off
But the thing is that it really does not have to be that way at all. It has nothing to do with them being beautiful, it has to do with your standards, and they did not meet the mental and emotional standards you set for yourself, and good for you that you are not still with them!
I understand what you are saying, but if you want physical beauty as well as inner beauty, they are out there everywhere. Do not compromise yourself.
I am not ashamed to admit that I have certain standards when it comes to physical beauty that I have never compromised on. I have dated a lot of absolutely gorgeous women, and have never been burned by it...until my stbxw, and it had nothing to do with her beauty. It had everything to do with me abdicating myself to her, and being afraid to say "I'm not ok with that."
Does that make me a pig? No, it makes me a person who can set standards and stick by them.
I think standards are the key when understanding this whole walk away syndrome. Myself, when I said my marriage vows I really meant them...and after having a child, I'd have never ever have broken them. When the other person thinks marriage is a disposable item, like so much else in our consumer society, you have a huge inequality there. The person who holds marriage and intact family close to their hearts ends up gradually compromising more and more, while the other, subconsciously or consciously, just takes advantage of that fact. Then once they are done changing you, they decide they don't like what you've become....and kick you to the curb anyway.
At least, I think that's probably a lot of what happened with my situation. Never again.
I think standards are the key when understanding this whole walk away syndrome. Myself, when I said my marriage vows I really meant them...and after having a child, I'd have never ever have broken them. When the other person thinks marriage is a disposable item, like so much else in our consumer society, you have a huge inequality there. The person who holds marriage and intact family close to their hearts ends up gradually compromising more and more, while the other, subconsciously or consciously, just takes advantage of that fact. Then once they are done changing you, they decide they don't like what you've become....and kick you to the curb anyway.
At least, I think that's probably a lot of what happened with my situation. Never again.
Yep...rather than thinking "This is my husband/wife, and this is my family, so I'll work with what I've committed to", because the concept of marriage means very little to them, they have a very wide field of view as to how life could be "Better". Rather than focusing and being happy with what they have....they instead just start obsessing about a "Better" life. With someone like that, you really have no chance. Hence, why I wish I'd never met by stbxw. If I'd have know what a quitter she was, I'd never have gone through with it in a million years.
Sorry....bit of my underlying resentment coming through there...but it keeps me stronger and stops me from the despair of moping..!
Ok...I suppose I should clarify a bit. I am not saying I only talk to certain people who look a certain way, or would only date someone based on how they look, but if you are considering a serious relationship with someone, physical attractiveness is important, as is their emotional and mental attractiveness, and all of those things become so deeply intertwined the longer you are in the relationship, that it becomes impossible to seperate.
Ah, I see where you are coming from now...sorry for the off at a tangent!
Yes, it is all of your points there that is important...I think generally as people get older and more experienced people understand this. In younger years, it's often looks alone...in later years, its more what's inside that counts. And, every form of blending of all those attributes along the way.
Ah, I see where you are coming from now...sorry for the off at a tangent!
Yes, it is all of your points there that is important...I think generally as people get older and more experienced people understand this. In younger years, it's often looks alone...in later years, its more what's inside that counts. And, every form of blending of all those attributes along the way.
No worries on going off on a tangent. I don't get bothered by that because that is what happens in good conversation...it can lead almost anywhere!
Even though I am a woman I agree with some of the things here. It can go both ways. I have seen good looking men and wondered how did that woman let him get away. But sometimes it is the good looking one with all the issues. Maybe they were catered to too much because of their looks and now expect you to do the same. To be honest good looks can wear away over time. You may still be attracted to them but you see them for more than their physical looks. And I have seen a lot of very attractive people in the beginning but then their attitude makes them ugly.
9Likes 
How could he screw that up? 
