Drop him like the fool he is, real men know what real love is and that means devotion to one woman...not saying he loves two, that isn't love...
I know because I had an affair some 10 years ago, I thought I could love 2 women...I was infatuated with one, married to the other...I srewed up and almost lost my wife...and now, we both are learning what true love realy is...
Sure you messed up, but it might be the smartest thing you ever did!
__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
omg, i want to slap him for you. as another poster said, he should be kissing your a$$ and begging for forgiveness. you deserve nothing less than 100% of a mans love. he's a selfish pr!ck for doing this to you and the ow is a disgusting hoe bag home wrecker. i know you love him, but he absolutely does NOT deserve your amazing self!
Thanks to all the responses. It really helps. I am very angry but I'm also hurting so much for my son and myself. Life really sucks sometimes. If there was a switch I could turn to stop loving this man I would cut off an arm for it this very minute. Ok now one day at a time starts tomorrow.
Oh and Jpr, you have such a way with words and I love you for it.
This place for all it's sadness can sometimes be the best place in the world. There are wonderful people here and none of us deserve to be.
I know you are hurting for your son & yourself- your head feels like it's spinning, you feel sick to your stomach, your mind is running 1000miles/ minute.
But think of it like this. You tried. You gave it your all. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You showed your son that marriage means being committed, it means forgiveness, it means love. Now you need to show him that it means accountability & placing value on yourself. I know easier said than done.
Just remember - this is the last time you'll have to pick yourself off the floor, dust yourself off and piece yourself together again for him. He had his chance & blew it.
Go dark for your own sanity- it's not the switch that you were looking for, but it is the pathway that will lead you to the switch.
Saw my lawyer today. It's all back on. We may even be able to get back the same court date. I was worried about my leverage with affair since I took him back but lawyer said with his history if it goes before a judge he will still fry if he figths me.
I'm a little worried that he may fight me about custody. I feel like he is trying to set me up. He's saying I'm crazy and irrational because I drove by ow's house. Also when ow was screaming at me Monday she said I was using my son to get my husband back and that I was sick and twisted b/c I have been making my son sleep with me.
Just for the record my son has asked to sleep with me most of the time since h left three months ago. I haven't had the heart to say no because I know he is hurting and he won't talk about it.
Anyway I now truly know that I did nothing wrong. He was looking for an excuse to run back to her and I gave it to him. I'm trying to look at it like a blessing, now I can't waist anymore of my life on a man that doesn't deserve it.
__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
Anyway I now truly know that I did nothing wrong. He was looking for an excuse to run back to her and I gave it to him. I'm trying to look at it like a blessing, now I can't waist anymore of my life on a man that doesn't deserve it.
Oh Cantmove! ...I am so happy to hear you say this.
You are so right...you did nothing wrong. It is understandable that you would drive by the OW's house--your husband has carried on an affair with her for 13 years, for crying out loud! geez. Of course you would be curious! Holy Moly!
---HER reaction was nuts! Absolutely nuts!...all this blameshifting is incredible. ...and it makes me very angry.
I am so sorry that your son has to suffer like he does. But, I know in my heart that you WILL triumph--it is just so sad that all these innocent bystanders have to suffer. But, ultimately, when you get rid of this guy,....and find someone who appreciates your inner AND outer beauty...both you AND your son will be happier.
It is just so hard right now, isn't it?
ugh.
I wish you lived by me. I would take you out for a martini (...or 2...or 3...) We would have a great time together.
Hang in there, sweetie. Please know that there are many people here that are pulling for you...even though we have never met you in person. We all know that you have a heart of gold...and you are a treasure! ...just a treasure!
Djf- My son is going to a counselor next week. He has not been sleeping with me as much and usually he starts out in my room to be close to me and we lay in bed and read. But normally he ends up in his room by middle of the night. I'm worried b/c he won't talk about it. He specifically says he doesn't want to talk about it, so I'm worried.
Bandit- I'm so glad you're back. I sure have missed you. Abd you're right I should have come to Arizona. My son and I are still coming but later in the summer. Hey maybe we can hook up for lunch and I can meet that new hot woman!
Jpr- again you are so sweet and I agree I wish we lived in the same town. I would take you up on that martini.
Spoke to H today, son and bill related and we got into rehashing things. He totally thinks that what I did is what ruined our chances of reconcilliation. He didn't even deny they were back together. He defended what she said to me and that my perception of how awful she spoke about me and son was skewed because I wasn't rational.OK a$$hole have a nice life w/ crazy skank. I know I plan to pick a partner that is jealous of my 12 yr old son. Won't engage again what a waste of time and energy.
Good deal on your son...my son will be going to a few MC sessions with us later in July...he is 17, but like your son, won't talk about the separation...we want to make sure everything is okay with him before my wife moves back home....
__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
you sound much more empowered, sure of yourself today cantmove, and that makes me so happy for you! his true selfish inner ugly shows. eventually he'll get sick of the hoe bag and move on to fresh meat. then she will know pain and loss. i hate to wish bad things on others, but karmas a b!tch
Djf- My son is going to a counselor next week. He has not been sleeping with me as much and usually he starts out in my room to be close to me and we lay in bed and read. But normally he ends up in his room by middle of the night. I'm worried b/c he won't talk about it. He specifically says he doesn't want to talk about it, so I'm worried.
Bandit- I'm so glad you're back. I sure have missed you. Abd you're right I should have come to Arizona. My son and I are still coming but later in the summer. Hey maybe we can hook up for lunch and I can meet that new hot woman!
No no. You cannot share me. I'm all yours that day!
Jpr- again you are so sweet and I agree I wish we lived in the same town. I would take you up on that martini.
Spoke to H today, son and bill related and we got into rehashing things. He totally thinks that what I did is what ruined our chances of reconcilliation. He didn't even deny they were back together. He defended what she said to me and that my perception of how awful she spoke about me and son was skewed because I wasn't rational.OK a$$hole have a nice life w/ crazy skank. I know I plan to pick a partner that is jealous of my 12 yr old son. Won't engage again what a waste of time and energy.
Shake the dust from your sandals and walk away. He's trash...scum. Fathering your son is the only decent accomplishment he will ever have to show for his life.
Well he came over yesterday and moved the rest of his stuff out. Told me that he was just done and this wasn't about her. It was about years of being unhappy and us fighting and me not changing my behavior. Apparantly I was mean to him about ow when I was repeating what she had said to me Monday. It was one of the only times I have yelled about the affair in an angry way. This was his proof that I was never going to let it go. And we are just bad for each other.
Then he said he doesn't want me to have full custody, he wants at least 60/40 and us to have joint custody on paper. I didn't know what to say.
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Re: Cantmove/I'm back/blog/latest news 
We would have a great time together. 
