Reading other's situations helped me take a deep breath for a minute and make the choice to reach out for your help and advice. I will try to make my situation brief and understandable.
I have been married for almost 5 yrs, together almost 9. I have two sons that are not his, ages 10 & 15. He's been a good dad to them overall. But, we wanted to have one of our own too, and we have been trying for two yrs. Part of the issue (problem is his, I checked out okay, he didn't)
Most of the marriage was good. We laugh and like the same things, have the same goals (I thought). We are intimate regularly. There have been trust issues along the way, he lies a lot. About money, bills, etc. I am 99% positive that he has been faithful.
This last year was bad. We were hit by a drunk driver, had financial issues, and then the BIG problem. He started abusing substances. I knew there was occasional use before, and I enabled him I guess. But, it got out of hand and then there was money issues, lying, and then weekend long hangovers when it was our only time to spend together. I even tried at first to stay up and drink with him and play games on Sat nights just to spend time with him but one day I realized that he had a problem when the paranoia began.
So, we work opposite shifts during the week so this weekend drug use caused a majority of the problems. He wouldn't help around the house, help with the boys, etc. It wasn't like that before and I just flat out had it and started getting naggy & *****y. I didn't like myself, but I felt he chose his drug habit over me and us and our life. I would yell at him to wake up and stop abusing,etc. Fights on the weekend wouldn't get resolved and then, a whole wk goes by and its the same old.
So, we got into on Feb 16th. I was so angry that I actually pushed him. That is not my nature, but I know I scared the sh*t out of him. We had never fought like that before. He packed and left.
So, immed I got a letter from an atty (10 days) listing out what he wanted, etc. That he had been hired to represent my husband in a divorce. I was FLOORED. I thought we needed a cooling off period and that he needed to stop doing drugs and get his act together.
So, no contact for a month. Gave him his clothes, etc. Now, things have changed.
He e-mails me, wants to see the boys, and wants to help around the house. He stays at the house longer and longer each time and chit chats with me. He says he isn't using anymore. I told him I was in therapy and he seems intrigued. He asked me to go for coffee this week. He says he hasn't spoken to the lawyer since the first time.
But, he still keeps saying "I don't know", "I'm confused", etc. I have sent him a few e-mails saying that I do love him and I am willing to reconcile. His responses are vague and are mostly "I don't knows"...
So, I am SSSOOooooo scared to meet him for coffee. I told him that although we don't have to get into everything, that I deserve to know whether this is a "trial separation" or if he is done with us. I deserve to know that, right? I told him that if there is no chance, that it is only fair to tell me and not prolong this agony.
He called today to wish me a Happy Easter. It was an awkward call because I was just devastated to be abandoned for the holiday. I tried to be strong and just ask how he has been.
Is two months too soon to ask him to tell me what path he is considering? Is him coming by the house, helping me, and taking the boys out good signs, or signs of guilt?
I also have thought about seeing if we could be intimate. It was always a strong point in our marriage and I am so lonely. I don't want to seek intimacy anywhere else nor do I want him to. It's actually hard to believe he has gone this long without sex. But, I know he isn't looking, and def can't bring a girl back to his parent's house.
Honestly, my biggest fear is that he is going to ask me for a divorce when we meet. He hasn't given me a reason to think that, and keeps showing me good signs, but I am so emotionally fragile right now that I don't think I could handle it. I try to be strong in front of my sons, and when I see my husband, but I secretly cry all night in my empty bedroom...
I have been married for almost 5 yrs, together almost 9. I have two sons that are not his, ages 10 & 15. He's been a good dad to them overall. But, we wanted to have one of our own too, and we have been trying for two yrs. Part of the issue (problem is his, I checked out okay, he didn't)
Most of the marriage was good. We laugh and like the same things, have the same goals (I thought). We are intimate regularly. There have been trust issues along the way, he lies a lot. About money, bills, etc. I am 99% positive that he has been faithful.
This last year was bad. We were hit by a drunk driver, had financial issues, and then the BIG problem. He started abusing substances. I knew there was occasional use before, and I enabled him I guess. But, it got out of hand and then there was money issues, lying, and then weekend long hangovers when it was our only time to spend together. I even tried at first to stay up and drink with him and play games on Sat nights just to spend time with him but one day I realized that he had a problem when the paranoia began.
So, we work opposite shifts during the week so this weekend drug use caused a majority of the problems. He wouldn't help around the house, help with the boys, etc. It wasn't like that before and I just flat out had it and started getting naggy & *****y. I didn't like myself, but I felt he chose his drug habit over me and us and our life. I would yell at him to wake up and stop abusing,etc. Fights on the weekend wouldn't get resolved and then, a whole wk goes by and its the same old.
So, we got into on Feb 16th. I was so angry that I actually pushed him. That is not my nature, but I know I scared the sh*t out of him. We had never fought like that before. He packed and left.
So, immed I got a letter from an atty (10 days) listing out what he wanted, etc. That he had been hired to represent my husband in a divorce. I was FLOORED. I thought we needed a cooling off period and that he needed to stop doing drugs and get his act together.
So, no contact for a month. Gave him his clothes, etc. Now, things have changed.
He e-mails me, wants to see the boys, and wants to help around the house. He stays at the house longer and longer each time and chit chats with me. He says he isn't using anymore. I told him I was in therapy and he seems intrigued. He asked me to go for coffee this week. He says he hasn't spoken to the lawyer since the first time.
But, he still keeps saying "I don't know", "I'm confused", etc. I have sent him a few e-mails saying that I do love him and I am willing to reconcile. His responses are vague and are mostly "I don't knows"...
So, I am SSSOOooooo scared to meet him for coffee. I told him that although we don't have to get into everything, that I deserve to know whether this is a "trial separation" or if he is done with us. I deserve to know that, right? I told him that if there is no chance, that it is only fair to tell me and not prolong this agony.
He called today to wish me a Happy Easter. It was an awkward call because I was just devastated to be abandoned for the holiday. I tried to be strong and just ask how he has been.
Is two months too soon to ask him to tell me what path he is considering? Is him coming by the house, helping me, and taking the boys out good signs, or signs of guilt?
I also have thought about seeing if we could be intimate. It was always a strong point in our marriage and I am so lonely. I don't want to seek intimacy anywhere else nor do I want him to. It's actually hard to believe he has gone this long without sex. But, I know he isn't looking, and def can't bring a girl back to his parent's house.
Honestly, my biggest fear is that he is going to ask me for a divorce when we meet. He hasn't given me a reason to think that, and keeps showing me good signs, but I am so emotionally fragile right now that I don't think I could handle it. I try to be strong in front of my sons, and when I see my husband, but I secretly cry all night in my empty bedroom...