Thanks Smitten. Yes, he has set me up pretty good. Found out that he has put me vehicle up as collateral for the new truck that he bought 3 months ago. Now if it isn't paid, I am out a vehicle. He knows I won't be able to pay it. He is a sorry excuse of a man. He wasn't man enough to tell me to my face that he didn't want to be with me anymore, didn't care about my disabilities or even if I was alive for that matter. I guess he may get that wish since its hard to fight cancer with all this going on in my life.
I am so miserable tonight. I can't sleep and I'm so angry at my H for the things he has done. I am angry that he acted so ugly when I tried to be supportive due to his father's tragic death. Beyond angry that he never opened his mouth and expressed any unhappiness and simply livid that he has left me to fend for myself, deal with cancer and wonder why he would walk out when I need someone the most. He could have been honest and told me it was over but he was such a wuss that he snuck out like a coward after he had his little affair and decided she was better for him and to heck with our 16 years. I'm not in a good place right now!
I read your story and was hoping for a happier ending. I am very, very sorry. No woman, regardless of disability, should be treated like that. I wish I had some better advice or words of encouragement. I suggest the quicker you get a divorce, the more peace you can have in your life. Just the emotional burden is enough to bring you down. I think as women, we tend to hold on to toxic relationships and want to save people. Sometimes, it's best to let go.
Thanks Sensitive. Yes, he won't file because he has what he wants....away from me and with her. He will not file, wants to force me to....he'll just "starve" me out by not giving me any money to pay bills, etc.. Jerk went into account yesterday and took 300.00 and didn't even bother to let me know. He is so irresponsible, doesn't even check to see if I've written any checks etc. and that amount is in the account to take with an overdraft. I have a call in to my lawyer to question her about what direction to take.
Sorry things aren't looking any better. On the joint bank accounts, there is something you can do. Go open a new account and move the funds to the new account. There is no sense in letting him have that too. I really believe you have a "Peter Pan" on your hands.
Haven't been able to eat at all today. The stress of all this is killing me. How can someone you spent 16 years with treat you like this?
I am so sorry toomanytears... after you explained your situation on my thread I feel terrible that I am worried about my situation when yours is so much more troubling.. I feel for all that you are going through.. it would have been 16 years for me too in May.... its sad that good people are treated like we are for the sake of an affair... we didnt deserve what has happened to us yet we will come out much better off.... I believe in Karma and I hope both of our stbx's get what they deserve........ hang in there and God bless..........
Thanks skin.....hurt is all the same for everyone despite circumstances. Yes, my sitch is a little different but your heart has been trampled on the same as mine and that pain is the same. Karma does happen and part of it already did this past friday when his father was killed in the accident. I have begged him for years to find a gentle way to take the keys away from his dad because he was getting old and feeble, reactions not sharp anymore. He has had several fender benders. I told husband it wouldn't be easy but it should be done or it was inevitable that this might happen. Told him to tell his dad I could drive him anywhere he needed to go. Husband kept procrastinating because that is how he is about everything. He wasn't mature enough to handle any minor things in our marriage. I had to be the one to deal with it all. Now you and I both know that God was just ready to call his father home but husband will see it differently....it will continue to fuel his anger and resentments. He will whine and cry that nothing in his world goes right yet he does nothing to improve it. He wouldn't have even gotten the good job that he has worked for the past year if it wasn't for me. He was laid off from a job due to the economy and I called a friend and they gave him a job because of me. He will never grow up, will never take the blame for his actions and run from situations when he feels it's "too hard". Yes, skin, you and I will be better off when all this is behind us. God bless you too.
You sound like a good woman Toomanytears.... even after everything still trying to help him out.... I am the same way with my ex... she is struggling financially and I feel for her and help her when i can... Does she apprecaite it... I doubt it but I would like to think the woman I married would do the same for me.... Maybe thats wishful thinking on my part when I know she could care less how I struggle daily... I dont know anymore... I would like to think that in the end she will et what she deserves... I spoke with her a little while ago and she told me how she talked with our daughter and she is ok with the divorce... i dont believe that at all.. She would much rather have her family together than the way it is...
Keep up with the good attitude you would be surprised how much it helps and with time you will look back and wonder why all the tears you shed over someone who definetely didn't deserve you....... I believe the Lord will look out for the good people like you and me..... Oneday we will be healed and hopefully have someone else in our lives to appreciate just what we have to offer...
Private message me anytime you want to chat...
Hang in there you will get through this...
Thanks skin....I believe our spouses will get what is coming to them eventually. I wouldn't take it at face value "her talk" with your daughter. I'd have a sit down with daughter too if I were you. I agree with what you said, that kids would rather have their family together over divorce. Older children might see it differently if there has been fighting etc. but the majority want their families in tact.
Yes, the Lord will take care of us skin....I believe that with all my heart. One day you are right that we will look back on all this and be relieved it ended and yes someone out there will be just right for us both although it will take some time for both of us to heal before that happens. You are a good man skin, I can tell that by everything you have done to try and fix your marriage. Most men would have said to heck with it and walked. My attitude is much better now that I told husband I knew about his OW. Yes I am worried for my future but I know that God will take care of me. He will take care of us both. Please feel free to PM me as well and keep up all your hard work too.
Well, I go in and pay my husband's truck note because if it doesn't get paid, I lose my vehicle as he put my car up as collateral when he purchased a truck a few months ago. I scheduled it via billpay to be paid today. On Saturday, I check the balance on account and he has gone in and taken 500 bucks out. He thinks I have deposited the entire amount of our income tax refund into the joint account. I haven't even deposited it yet. Because of his irresponsibility in not checking the balance at the ATM, not to mention he didn't bother to call and ask if I had paid any large bills, spent or debited etc., he put the account in the red. He stupidly thinks I am paying his bills. He has a few loans and some credit cards that are in his name only. I am just sitting there watching them stack up as I am not going to play secretary and care for his bills while he is having affair and leaving me to fend for myself. I talked with lawyer today and told her I was putting half in the account for him and half in a seperate account of mine. I have no way of contacting him and he just thinks I am taking care of it all. This is my typical irresponsible husband. I am going to be furious if he blows thru all that money because I don't have enough to pay his note so I will lose my car which is my only transportation to and from doctors, etc. He is so hateful!
toomanytears--
this is heartbreaking as i read it from the outside in...i read what your husband is like and i spot a few traits that pi$$ me off...using your car title as collateral on a loan, taking 300 bucks out of the account...stupid s#it that we do when we think we're smarter than we really are...
his attitude toward your health problems is deplorable...i don't understand how a MAN can be so uncaring...but maybe he cares about himself more...god...sickening.
irresponsible is right...he is...i'm saying a prayer for you tonight...
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
Thanks for the prayer voivod.....I certainly need plenty of them. Yes he didn't even tell me that he put my car up as collateral. I found out after he left me when I was digging thru the files getting paperwork I knew I would need for divorce before he got his hands on all of it. I looked and couldn't believe my eyes. I've heard nothing from him since the day his father died and he treated me like crap when I was trying to support him. I went for my first appointment with the oncologist today and he has given me three different chemo meds to begin tomorrow.
Yes, he only cares about himself. He is a complete jerk. I am pretty certain he was already involved with the OW when he found the truck and took out the loan. I ask God every night why all this is happening to me? I know that is self pity but good grief, the hits just keep on coming. I wish and wish that one day God will let me meet someone that is truly a good man and I would know for once in my life what it feels like to be taken care of and loved completely and vice versa......someone that appreciates my love for them. I did everything for him even when I could barely stand the pain and this is what thanks I get?
If it weren't for the support you guys give me here I would go insane. I appreciate all of you, more than any of you know.
Re: Need advice?
