toomanytears

Thanks Skin....you are such a kind man! Yes I know that all you say is true...sure cannot control the future and silly to make myself sicker worrying. I am putting it all into God's hands and I trust him to see me thru it. Just had a bad day or two but my spirits are back up. I am actually tolerating the meds very well which I am so thankful for. I've only had a day or two where I felt like my energy level was drained but I've had it worse so all in all I think I am doing very well. Fortunately the cancer was caught in the beginning stages so I have a very good chance at recovery.

Hope all is well with you. I know you were bummed about the house but think of it this way....if you had kept it you would be reminded constantly of your life with your wife and it would probably drive you insane with those memories. I know it is still hard but you will be able to let it go one day. Divorce just SUCKS...everything about it! We will get thru it though

God Bless you and thanks for the prayers, I keep you in mine.

skinman

Thanks Toomanytears...

I would like to think I am a compassioante man and listening to to your story breaks my heart.. I am glad to hear that the medication seems to be working well for you... That in itself is something to be thankfull for.. During times like these we seem to lose sight of all that we have.. We have life, we are able to take a breath after breath and enjoy the warmth of the sun on our faces yet we forget these things in our time of sorrow......I know oneday you will look back and think of how strong you were during the most difficult times and be proud of how you made it through and what a stronger woman you have become...

We have and will grow from our experiences with the things we are going through... our former spouses wont... they took the easy route and blamed us for their unhappiness when in fact it was always within them...

You mentioned my house... You know each day i get stronger and the power that she had over my emotions is going away... yes it was my house... but it is no longer a home to me..... I look forward to the day that i will have my own home with no memories of her in it..... She will always see me in that house as long as she lives there.... You will be fine TMT... I know that the Lord wont allow anything that you cant handle... Be strong and know that there are many people who care for you and are praying for you.... Thank you for being a friend when I needed one so badly..

Skin

toomanytears

It's easy to be your friend Skin! You are a great guy and I am so fortunate to have met you on here. It helps me to get thru all this when I know that there are others here going thru it too.

I finally had to break down and call my husband regarding a hospital bill since the insurance is in his name. The insurance hasn't paid on it because the hospital didn't get it precertified. They would only talk with him so this is why I had to contact him. I left a message at his father's place where I heard he was staying. He did finally call and I kept the call about business. He finally asked how I was doing? I said, how do you think? We talked for a bit, I told him that I thought after being married for 16 years that he at least owed it to me to sit down and be honest for once in his life. Told him that we needed to have a face to face about bills, etc. and he agreed. I told him to get in touch with me when he was ready but that it had to be when I was also available. He talked to me for about 40 minutes and was talking like we were still together as though nothing was wrong. It irritated me to no end! I told him that all of this was on him because I had asked him over and over for the past year to sit down and discuss things and he would never do it. His big excuse was that he wasn't raised to talk about feelings! Can you believe that??? I told him that was a cop out. I told him that it sure was easy for him to lie to my face and begin an affair! I told him that he acted like a coward and snuck out like one and that he would never have a successful relationship without talking about feelings. It was just an excuse guys...plain and simple. He makes me sick!! He even lied to me at the very start of the conversation saying he had just gotten home from work. He left work at 3:00p and didn't call till 6:00p. Totally unnecessary lie. He thinks I will feel sorry for him thinking he is working all the time. I am not going to fall for his lies though. There is no way I will ever believe another word that comes out of his mouth with good reason. I finally ended the conversation myself. Can you believe this guy?

skinman

Toomanytears,

I am so sorry that you had a difficult conversation with him... As for the lies I dont understand them myself... Mine Lies to me constantly about the dumbest things and it just makes me wonder what else she has lied about.... I hope the insurance bill gets taken care of I know what a pain those things can be...And Thanks TMT... I also appreciate the friendship I have made with you.. You are always in my prayers and I am sure when all is said and done you will come out of this a much stronger and more determined woman... Look at it this way.. Your going to beat the cancer that you have, and your going to survive the crappy situation that we find ourselves in... Hang in there friend there are better days ahead for you !!! The Lord wouldn't have it any other way...

God bless.....
Skin

toomanytears

Thanks Skin.....I know you are right. Today has been a really bad day. Today was my anniversary and I rode by his dad's house with a friend and it appears he has moved his new woman in with him there. I've also heard some comments that he has made that are nothing but outright lies. You see he looks so bad by walking out on his disabled wife that before he left he had been talking smack about me to some of the guys he worked with to make it look like he had a reason to leave. He is such a liar!!!!! He really makes me sick. I cannot believe his aunt who lives across the road is condoning this behavior but of course she believes all the lies he has told! I've decided that I am going to tell him to come this week and speak with me about everything, plus give me some money and if he doesn't, I am going to have to file divorce papers myself to get anything out of him. I don't know what else to do.

skinman

TMT... my heart aches for what you are going through ... Sorry you spent your anniversary alone.. Mine is coming up on the 24th of May...What will I do.. Well to be honest I am going to the liquour store and getting a bottle... I will sit down by myself and have a few toasts... First one for the good times in my marriage.. there were many the second one to my daughter that she blessed me with... The 3rd and 4th will be to her new man for taking away my problem......

I dont know why they must lie and belittle us TMT.. my only guess is to make themselves look better and not like the a-holes that they have become... its much easier to get sympathy when people think your at fault...... I know mine did the same thing she told all of her family what a mean and violent person I was and how she was lucky to have survived....

Well they know me and know that its all BS... dont worry what he says to his friends they are not yours... Your friends and family will know the truth and thats all that matters... Please dont drive by the house ... that will only hurt you more and its not something you need to see... i did the same thing and I would come away feeling worse for it...... Look to your future TMT.. you are battling a life threatening disease and thats where your focues needs to be.... On you and not HIM !!!!
Your the most important person in your life now..... Without a healthy you how will you take care of your daughter..... Please remember that !!! Its all about you now...... time to get selfish and live for yourself and your daughter...... I wish you the best TMT... my thoughts and prayers remain with you.....

Skin.......

toomanytears

Just an update to say nothing has changed. He has yet to come and talk with me. I've called twice and asked for money and he hasn't returned my calls. This man is a worthless piece of crap! His new woman is still there living at his dad's house. His reputation is sooooo trashed here. Everyone that knows thinks he is sorry as hell.....and he IS!

toomanytears

He is supposed to come and give me some money today. I won't hold my breath!

Sportsman

I am sorry for all the crap that your ex-man has put you through, Skinman has been helpful to me as well. Our stories are a bit different but our wives treat us the same for no reason, lie for no reason, left for no reason, our anniversaries are one day apart and we were married for the same amount of time. Our only difference is I have not had proof that she is cheating but I am sure it will come. You are at the anger point which I am sure helps you make it through the day, I get angry and then start thinking of her with someone else and my anger changes to hurt feelings. I want my wife back and am having trouble moving on but I will have to figure a way out of this hole pretty soon. Hang in there and keep us posted.....

toomanytears

Thanks Sportsman. Yes, my anniversary fell within a week of you and Skin and for the same amount of years too. Yes I am angry but still have the hurt feelings too. I cannot believe the cruelty that my stbx has put me through. He knows all I have is a small disability check and that is it. He knows it won't pay the bills either. I never dreamed he would ever treat me this way. All I can do is hand my troubles over to God and trust that he will see me thru this. It's bad enough when going thru a regular divorce but when one spouse is disabled and the other is treating them the way my stbx has done me, it is practically criminal behavior! I hope that one day Karma will pay him back for what he has done to me 10 fold!

Sportsman

I think about Karma as well and feel the same way you do. I am getting unemployment checks which are ready to run out but applied for the emergency fund. I want to go back to work but I need to make the money that I was used to, to save my home. If I lose my home then I can take a job making less money and figure it out. I agree with you that its hard to believe that our wife/husband can turn on us so quickly and seemingly without cause. I say that because today I really still do not understand. It reminds me of the stories you would hear about pitbulls who for no apparant reason turned on their master and bit the crap out of them. Yeah, thats a good description of my wife a turned pitbull lol... Keep us updated and hold on, I am trying as well..

toomanytears

Yep...pitbull is definitely a good description! I called stbx again yesterday and made a request for money again...also informed him of important mail here for him. I knew he wouldn't respond but I more or less was doing it to document that I had made several requests for help. I called the lawyer yesterday afternoon and I am seeing her this afternoon. She told me we would go ahead and immediately file for maintenance support as it is crucial that I get some money. He is an idiot because he is working for a cousin getting paid under the table in cash while drawing unemployment at the same time. This will bite him in the butt with the judge because he will get into trouble legally and be made to repay the unemployment, not to mention getting his cousin in trouble as well. Oh well.....hate it, haha! You reap what you sow!

Deejo

There is a world of difference between difficulties in a relationship and possibly even making the grave error of infidelity. and what this guy is doing. His behavior, neglect, and treatment of you is criminal. I hope you continue to find strength for yourself. It's amazing, and tragic, in terms of what we can tolerate and survive. I truly hope things work out for you, and there comes a point where you don't give that creep a second thought. As for him, I hope he ends up in a pretty, orange jumpsuit.

toomanytears

I couldn't agree with you more Deejo! I never dreamed in a million years he would be this cruel to me. I'm sure his new girlfriend is giving him advice telling him what to do. I bet she's a real winner...probably been married a ton of times herself. If he keeps up with his current behavior he will end up in an orange jumpsuit and I hope I can help put him in it!

toomanytears

Well it seems my husband is not paying a few of his bills as some late notices came in the mail over the past couple of days. One of them really worries me because he put my vehicle up as collateral on a truck he bought recently. I only liked 3 notes paying it off and he went behind my back and had them added to this new note on the truck, thus making it collateral. Now if the note is not paid I risk losing my car! I can't afford to pay this note. He hasn't given me a dime as you all know. I really don't know what on earth I will do if I lose it. Can my life possibly get any worse?