So where do I start...... I want you to know that I'm not looking for sympathy (wouldn't expect much), but I am desperate to find a way to deal with the situation I have caused. I've been reading on this forum for the past 2+ months. But I'm not sure I know how to go on at this point, and I turn to you with my tail between my legs for help.
I had an affair about 4 months ago. This is a decision I made that has haunted me ever since. I'll admit that this is the worst decision I've ever made and now I'm paying dearly for it. It's absolutely just not fair for my wife to have to deal with this. D-Day was 2 months ago. My wife was questioning some text messages in my phone, so I made up my mind to tell her the painful truth....that I had cheated on her with another women.
I'll admit at first she reacted hurt, but probably in shock for the most part. She moved out immediately to stay with her family. She still talked to me for the first couple weeks after D-day, but quickly cut all communication. I was able to get her on the phone one last time to try and tell her my feelings about how awful I felt and how I recognized that there were things that I needed to change and to work on. One of those things is selfishness. I convinced her to go to a counselor with me. We went together once, and on the second appointment she canceled and went out of town. I saw this counselor on my own a few additional times, and from what I gather my wife saw him as well by herself.
So here we are 2 months later. I have tried to the best of my ability to own my infidelity without placing blame on my wife. This was my choice and I am the one who screwed up our marriage. Seeing the pain that I've caused her has put me in a really bad place......causing me a tremendous amount of pain, low self worth, depression, and just overall creating my own hell.
I have sent my wife letters, left voice messages, and tried to text positive things. I never get a single response. She has only sent me a few text messages since cutting communication.... one of which she recently told me that she got a lawyer and is filing for divorce.
The painful truth is starting to settle in now, that my wife is most likely not going to try and reconcile our marriage with me. I don't know how to react to this. I don't know how to let her go. I've tried to fight for her, but it's very difficult when she won't talk to me at all. So what I'm asking for is help dealing with this horrible experience that I am going through (and I know my wife is going through hell as well, which as I said before, is one of the biggest sources of my pain).
FYI:
married for 4 years
been together for 6.5 years
no kids
I had an affair about 4 months ago. This is a decision I made that has haunted me ever since. I'll admit that this is the worst decision I've ever made and now I'm paying dearly for it. It's absolutely just not fair for my wife to have to deal with this. D-Day was 2 months ago. My wife was questioning some text messages in my phone, so I made up my mind to tell her the painful truth....that I had cheated on her with another women.
I'll admit at first she reacted hurt, but probably in shock for the most part. She moved out immediately to stay with her family. She still talked to me for the first couple weeks after D-day, but quickly cut all communication. I was able to get her on the phone one last time to try and tell her my feelings about how awful I felt and how I recognized that there were things that I needed to change and to work on. One of those things is selfishness. I convinced her to go to a counselor with me. We went together once, and on the second appointment she canceled and went out of town. I saw this counselor on my own a few additional times, and from what I gather my wife saw him as well by herself.
So here we are 2 months later. I have tried to the best of my ability to own my infidelity without placing blame on my wife. This was my choice and I am the one who screwed up our marriage. Seeing the pain that I've caused her has put me in a really bad place......causing me a tremendous amount of pain, low self worth, depression, and just overall creating my own hell.
I have sent my wife letters, left voice messages, and tried to text positive things. I never get a single response. She has only sent me a few text messages since cutting communication.... one of which she recently told me that she got a lawyer and is filing for divorce.
The painful truth is starting to settle in now, that my wife is most likely not going to try and reconcile our marriage with me. I don't know how to react to this. I don't know how to let her go. I've tried to fight for her, but it's very difficult when she won't talk to me at all. So what I'm asking for is help dealing with this horrible experience that I am going through (and I know my wife is going through hell as well, which as I said before, is one of the biggest sources of my pain).
FYI:
married for 4 years
been together for 6.5 years
no kids