when does it get better?

Frostflower · 09-09-2012, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by brokenbythis

I hear ya. You can only trust it will get better in time. That's my hope. Even though as I stated in another post, I've been doing everything alone for so lone due to his shift hours, it still hurts. I have no family here, and friends are scarce due to not socializing much again due to his job.

It hurts to be tossed away like you never mattered. It really does.

legilox and broken, you both sound like you are in so much pain. I'm so sorry that you are going through all this.

Hugs.

spun · 09-10-2012, 04:03 AM

Stbxw sent me an email itemizing kid expenses to be split between us. No problem.

She had the nerve to add that we are also splitting the cost of the mediators retainer, which she paid last month.

I told her, again, that the D is her choice and that I'm not ok with paying for it.

Now I wait to see when and how she tries to get me to pay for it.
Posted via Mobile Device

Conrad · 09-10-2012, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spun

Stbxw sent me an email itemizing kid expenses to be split between us. No problem.

She had the nerve to add that we are also splitting the cost of the mediators retainer, which she paid last month.

I told her, again, that the D is her choice and that I'm not ok with paying for it.

Now I wait to see when and how she tries to get me to pay for it.
Posted via Mobile Device

Stand tall.

She wants it, she pays.

Simple as that.

spun · 09-10-2012, 11:30 AM

So I need some input here.

Today was my youngest's first day of kindergarten. It was also a morning that stbxw had the children, I get them this afternoon after school.

Stbxw has requested that I not show up on days that I do not have the kids. Now, she just sends me an aggressive text, saying how I should have been there like all the other dads.

I chose not to go to continue my NC, and protect my heart.

She succeeded in making me feel like sh!t, yet again.

Am I the one who is at fault here.

Should I respond to her? If so, what should I say?

Conrad · 09-10-2012, 11:51 AM

You should not respond.

If she presses the issue, you simply say, "I'm not ok with this discussion. Your embarrassment at our situation is not my problem"

06Daddio08 · 09-10-2012, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conrad

You should not respond.

If she presses the issue, you simply say, "I'm not ok with this discussion. Your embarrassment at our situation is not my problem"

I agree with Conrad.

Although, I do not agree with missing mutual events for the children if that's something you want to attend.

Such as school, sports etc.

Unless it's a family event on the other side.

I don't have the kids for the next 2 weeks but I'll be watching my daughter dance on Saturdays.

Got no problem standing in the back.

spun · 09-10-2012, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conrad

You should not respond.

If she presses the issue, you simply say, "I'm not ok with this discussion. Your embarrassment at our situation is not my problem"

I simply said given the state of our relationship and family I chose not to go in my daughters best interest.

Said she will have her first day with Dad tomorrow.

I ended by saying, it was her choice to sever our family and that I am not ok playing nuclear family.
Posted via Mobile Device

Conrad · 09-10-2012, 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spun

I simply said given the state of our relationship and family I chose not to go in my daughters best interest.

Said she will have her first day with Dad tomorrow.

I ended by saying, it was her choice to sever our family and that I am not ok playing nuclear family.
Posted via Mobile Device

Very good.

Except the "it was her choice" language.

"I'm not ok playing nuclear family. That's not what we are"

spun · 09-10-2012, 12:06 PM

Her choice = persecution, right?
Posted via Mobile Device

06Daddio08 · 09-10-2012, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conrad

Very good.

Except the "it was her choice" language.

"I'm not ok playing nuclear family. That's not what we are"

Reminding her that she was the one to do this serves no good.

Conrad · 09-10-2012, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spun

Her choice = persecution, right?
Posted via Mobile Device

It's an appeal to victim status.

Never works.

Never will work.

spun · 09-10-2012, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conrad

You should not respond.

Your embarrassment at our situation is not my problem"

How is this not considered staying in the triangle?

Seems like it turns the problem back on her, no?

Conrad · 09-10-2012, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spun

How is this not considered staying in the triangle?

Seems like it turns the problem back on her, no?

>>I should have been there like all the other dads.<<

That was the line that got me thinking why she would care.

It's not about your child.

It's about her - like everything else.

spun · 09-10-2012, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Conrad

>>I should have been there like all the other dads.<<

That was the line that got me thinking why she would care.

It's not about your child.

It's about her - like everything else.

It does have a flavor of her projecting her guilt onto me. That was my feeling too.

She went on to say that it was a milestone I should not have missed, though she was not surprised because I was never there for these events and the kids were always an inconvenience for me.

Truth be told. I have missed some events for the kids over the years, because I was off working hard to make it in my career to keep things stable for my family. But, I have been there for many things, sporting games, talent shows, ballet recitals, fund raisers etc.

Every time I go no contact, something like this flares up.

Deep in my heart, I would still like to try to R somewhere down the road. Because I do feel I have a responsibility in our marital breakdown.

It's just hard to feel like I am getting anywhere other than making her more upset.

Conrad · 09-10-2012, 04:22 PM

Keep this in mind.

Indifference is the ultimate insult.

If she felt you were worthless, you wouldn't be hearing from her.

Also, you're getting a much stronger reaction from her now than you were when you first showed up on TAM.

I don't want to raise your hopes, but you're doing well.

It's working.

Place another call to posOMW.