Go back home to US?

Honeystly · 07-10-2012, 06:56 PM

So I saw my lawyer today and because my kids are tiny, I was cheated on, i have no family here and if I lose my house and he doesn't help I can most likely go back to US! I wasn't planning on it before, but now I am really considering the option. I don't have to stay here and be pooped on. I do love Australia, but I don't think that I can perhaps cope. I'll give it a couple of months and then make my decision. He can have his 18 year old, but I'll have my whole family and friends! I'm thinking about that. I want the kids to have their dad in their lives though.... The lawyer told me he'll most likely be in and out of their lives at his convenience and to seriously consider what is actually good for the kids. I don't know. I just don't know. Any thoughts?

MyselfAgain · 07-10-2012, 08:23 PM

Wow. I'm not a parent yet so I shouldn't weigh in but I do think that a happy mama is probably more important than visits with a daddy who has crappy morals. Plus the support of family and friends would havr a big impact on their lives. Ok, I guess I will weigh in.

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UpnDown · 07-10-2012, 08:49 PM

Is your ex having any stable relationship with your children right now?

cantmove · 07-10-2012, 09:12 PM

Only you can truly know what is best for your children. You know what kind of father he is. I can say that if he is not devoted to them you need to think about how you will be in either location. If you think that you will be happier in the states with the support of family and friends then that may be the best decision. Your kids need a happy stable mom wherever that may be. Frankly if I were in your situation with a husband that put himself first above the kids it would be my choice to go home. Not only will your kids have a healthier happier you but they will have supportive relatives that will help fill the void of their half- ass dad.

boxhead201 · 07-11-2012, 12:04 AM

Hi;

My STBXW was a WAW. I was abandoned and forced to move out of my own home while she carried on an EA.

I am stuck in HK. I have no family here. All of my family is in the US. I wish I could go home, but I can't. I would prefer to leave HK because it is very small, boring and lacks culture.

I am only staying in HK for my 2 children. If it weren't for the children I would be gone in a heartbeat.

Honeystly · 07-11-2012, 06:53 AM

I love Australia, I really do. I have great friends here and I'm supposed to buy him out of the house. What is biggest stumbling block is the fact that he is still so happy carrying on with his new gf... while I die inside. That would be main motivation to go back, and I just don't know if it's a good enough motivation, and if it's fair to the kids. I just feel like I'm going insane here.... I don't know. I just don't know.

heartsbeating · 07-11-2012, 07:01 AM

If he's a good father to them, consider that.

You enjoy the country you're in, so it's not as though you feel the need to move back to the US because you can't stand where you're at. Take your time with this decision. I've seen a similar scenario up close and personal. The child is now grown and he's thankful he had both his parents around. He also expressed resentment towards his mom that she wanted to move him away from his dad. Think of what is fair to the kids, as hard as that might be for you.

I am sorry to hear you're in this situation though. It's not easy.

Honeystly · 07-11-2012, 07:08 AM

Thanks, yes I am mostly considering the kids. My lawyer told me that he's going to be a convenience dad-when it suits him. He comes on his designated days but that's it. If I ever need help from him when the kids are sick and it's not his day... nothing. I had a uterus infection after the birth of my dd, and had to go to the hospital for a few days. He left me when she was 4 weeks old. He refused to take care of the kids because he had to 'work'. I ended up not going, as there was nobody to take care of the kids. I took antibiotics for 5 weeks and who the hell knows what's up with my uterus now. At least I'm done having kids. Last week I was sick again with a fever and begged him to help me with the kids at least in the afternoon. He said he had private lessons and couldn't cancel. I told him I'd pay him whatever he would have gotten paid...he still said no can do.... That's why I'm considering moving.

heartsbeating · 07-11-2012, 07:22 AM

It's a tough decision.

Even though he's a convenience-dad, he's still a dad in their lives. So would you need his consent to move back? Or can you just go? And can that change down the track?

Honeystly · 07-11-2012, 07:38 AM

My lawyer said if I want to go, now is my only chance. I don't have a citizenship, so coming back would be impossible.... So it's a pretty make it or break it situation

heartsbeating · 07-11-2012, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Honeystly

My lawyer said if I want to go, now is my only chance. I don't have a citizenship, so coming back would be impossible.... So it's a pretty make it or break it situation

Do you have permanent residency?

I don't envy your position. You don't want to feel 'stuck' later if you feel it's better for you to be back home but then not have the option or have to fight it out in court. Yet on the other hand, consider whether you're doing a dis-service to your kids by removing him from their lives. How are other factors for you with regards to employment opportunities etc where you'd be going to in the US compared to where you're at in Australia? How long have you lived away for? Consider these factors too. I know it'd be ideal to have your family support around you, depending on who is there to help, but just consider from all angles.