Originally Posted by deejov

Its a hard process, Conrad. We read this all the time here.... work on yourself, that's all you control.

But to get from the point of thinking... "if only my spouse would do this I would be happy" to realizing that "hey, I AM happy, when I have boundaries and like ME first" is sometimes a big giant leap of faith.

Personally, I didn't get it until I detached a bit.

My roommate H is seeing a female counsellor. I immediately thought "epic fail" because she is a woman. He was telling me yesterday that she says most men are "fixers" and he should focus more on listening. Just listen. Absorb. Don't try and fix everything. She's trying to get him to see himself just simply. Detach. So he can SEE that he needs to work on himself. And not to try to change everything to suit him, but rather accept that he should consider LEADING.

But to lead, you have to know what your path is.

The possible outcomes when you get to this point is you won't be on the same path. But if you are true to your self, it's not going to hurt as much. It's the right thing to do.