We've had ringside seats to Arbitrator's phone logs and OVS' recent courthouse experience.
Talk about using a cattle prod to detach!
For the rest of us, it's different. Much of it depends on the presence (or not) of posOM and/or posOW. Once that bridge gets crossed, things go to the final stage relatively quickly.
But, what if there is no posOM? Synthetic still hasn't confirmed the presence of a posOM. Lifescript isn't certain (but highly suspects), UpnDown knows she got some contraceptives.
What we must keep in mind is what takes one person 6 months might take another 6 years. The time you put in is almost irrelevant.
I have found with every boundary I set and every time she treats me badly I detach a little more each time. This time she was telling me I'd never doubt her love for me and that she was sorry about the constant threats of leaving and she knows how that hurt. And, she's done it again.
And, I can feel I've detached a bit more than before. It's a matter of staying @50,000 feet and recognizing the pain. It's not engulfing me, but it is frustrating to spin the wheels.
When it's time to go, I will know.
The only exception is if she files first. In that case, I would let her go respectfully - as she will be footing the bill.
Of course, the other exception is the entrance of posOM. But, I don't anticipate that.
You might think during this observation period, I'd be feeling bad. Not true. I've never been happier in my life. I'm now completely ok being at home alone. I'm not worried at all what either family thinks about "our situation". I truly have peace.
I always used to cringe in the threads where I'd hear people talk about the "process" of getting this or that to happen. Yet, this truly is a process - and I give myself report cards.
Even though I lost it this week, it was far better than enabling and kissing her ass. This is real progress. I can speak directly to her about my shortcomings - and hers. My masculine mojo is back. Why else would I start my other thread and open things up in that fashion?
You've def got me in your corner, I'm sorry this has all started again for, this is your 2nd marriage?? You've been my zen master Conrad & ANYTHING you need from me it's yours, also before you take your car into a shop for diag please ask my advice first, consider me tam's personal mechanic Posted via Mobile Device
From all that I've gathered here, it seems a lot more beneficial to have that confirmed PA to help detach. Although beneficial really isn't the best word for it I suppose.
There are so many different scenarios, many various things to overcome.
For me, I won't be able to fully move on until I can come to terms with my own faults in what was at one time a marriage. Posted via Mobile Device
Conrad, I have no words of wisdom for you... just my total support! Hopefully, that is enough. You are surrounded by friends who care, and we got your back just as you have ours bro...
Keep detaching bro. She's not going to change her tactics. The more you detach the more desperate she will become and the harder she will work to maintain control. Don't be surprised if she actually follows through on some of her threats. Posted via Mobile Device
From all that I've gathered here, it seems a lot more beneficial to have that confirmed PA to help detach. Although beneficial really isn't the best word for it I suppose.
There are so many different scenarios, many various things to overcome.
For me, I won't be able to fully move on until I can come to terms with my own faults in what was at one time a marriage. Posted via Mobile Device
You'd think that a pa would help but sometimes not. I've had three ddays. I took him back every time. He left me for 4 months then he finally ended it and came back for 10 whole days. I was feeling insecure and drove by ow's house. She followed me and cussed me out as if I did something to her for 13 yrs. My h left me again because of that. Said it was a deal breaker and almost as much of a betrayal as his affair which is completely irrational. It wasn't until then that I was able to let go and detach. I finally accepted the insanity of it all. I finally have had enough and want off this crazy train. Some of you are not dealing with infidelity but that doesn't mean you aren't riding the crazy train. It's different for eveyone, you have to reach your own breaking point. You all know it's coming but you just can't pull the trigger on it yet.
You'd think that a pa would help but sometimes not. I've had three ddays. I took him back every time. He left me for 4 months then he finally ended it and came back for 10 whole days. I was feeling insecure and drove by ow's house. She followed me and cussed me out as if I did something to her for 13 yrs. My h left me again because of that. Said it was a deal breaker and almost as much of a betrayal as his affair which is completely irrational. It wasn't until then that I was able to let go and detach. I finally accepted the insanity of it all. I finally have had enough and want off this crazy train. Some of you are not dealing with infidelity but that doesn't mean you aren't riding the crazy train. It's different for eveyone, you have to reach your own breaking point. You all know it's coming but you just can't pull the trigger on it yet.
I recall reading about that .. you make some good points, even a PA doesn't guarantee an automatic removal of a person from your life. So sorry you had to go through that ordeal.
I've been here since May and the variety of stories is just mind boggling. The things people go through in relationships, makes me wonder sometimes if it's even really worth it in the end.
Keep detaching bro. She's not going to change her tactics. The more you detach the more desperate she will become and the harder she will work to maintain control. Don't be surprised if she actually follows through on some of her threats. Posted via Mobile Device
Banned It My Brother,
You do realize that we teach what we most need to learn. By posting here, I learn as much from all of you as you learn from me. What works. What doesn't. What our guts tell us that's just so so wrong.
You hear people speak all the time of "support groups". You realize that's what this is. We support each other. We even look for each other when one of us is missing. After my six years in the crucible of relationship mistakes, I have many answers but implementing them is still a challenge. We're in this TOGETHER.
You do realize that we teach what we most need to learn. By posting here, I learn as much from all of you as you learn from me. What works. What doesn't. What our guts tell us that's just so so wrong.
You hear people speak all the time of "support groups". You realize that's what this is. We support each other. We even look for each other when one of us is missing. After my six years in the crucible of relationship mistakes, I have many answers but implementing them is still a challenge. We're in this TOGETHER.
Even you are entitled to weak periods. I'm glad to see that you're progressing. I think it was good for all of us to see the little man with the big voice behind the curtain. (For those who don't get the reference, follow the yellow brick road.) Posted via Mobile Device
Even you are entitled to weak periods. I'm glad to see that you're progressing. I think it was good for all of us to see the little man with the big voice behind the curtain. (For those who don't get the reference, follow the yellow brick road.) Posted via Mobile Device
We're all human.
It's important to remember that there's nothing all that special about me. If I can master this, so can everybody else.
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Conrad Detaches 
