retodd

I have been seperated from my wife. Although we still live in the same house. Can u call this seperated? But we agreed on this for the kids. Is it healthy for the kids? I moved upstairs and the kids know this. But I am having a hell of a time dealing with this. My wife cheated on me with a really good friend of ours. obviuously a really good friend to her. But she is always talking to him and she is doing just peachy and having a good time. Mean while i am going nuts. I tried going out and finding someone but not working. Oh yea we have been apart for about a month and a half. What can i do to make myself start getting over her and move on until she sees that i am the better person. Cause right now she doesnt see that.

Tim

Hi retodd...you have mr. nice guy syndrome very bad. Another name for it is codependent. I think I've told you this in another thread. I have highlighted the typical codependent statement in your posting above.

You need to stop focusing on her, and you need to focus on yourself. If everything you do is in relation to her you wont get anywhere in life.

The fact that you think its up to you to change her bahavior, her attitudes, and her thoughts will only make you depressed then angry and frustrated. You might just snap one day and do something to someone as a result, god forbid.

The fact that you two are in the same house is not unhealthy for the kids. Whats unhealthy is you not setting boundries. Your kids pick up on that, and they will grow up like you, and god forbid they get stuck trying to please someone like your wife! One of the boundries I set during this seperation is NO BRINGING ANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS IN THE HOUSE!

I dont care what she does because frankly she has been screwing around on me for years, so theres nothing I can do to stop that, nothing I can do to make her remorseful. But what I CAN help is who she is bringing into OUR house, so I drew that line. Thats the first line I've ever drawn in this relationship, ironically its when we are divorcing. LOL

You are just as much a part of the problem as she is, and she's a huge problem because she is just NOT a good person. You allowed her to be that way with you and to screw you over by not setting boundries when you two got together. It's like being stiffed by a sales man...if you can't say no, you'll end up paying 10x more for something, with all kinds of unnecessary services, warranties, accessories etc. Then you walk out of the store wondering what happened, while the sales man is enjoying himself because you have enabled his behavior.

What you need to do is take responsibility for your end of being with an irresponsible woman, and you need to start divorce proceedings.

Let me repeat the most important part of what I am trying to get through your head....THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE HER. You picked her, and she is only interested in hurting you and taking advantage of you, now stop this and get rid of her.

827Aug

With friends like that who needs enemies. That is really low; I wouldn't have second thoughts on filing for divorce. Also, I just don't think the current arrangement is healthy for your children. You may want to see a therapist regarding that situation and how best to handle it as you head towards divorce.

Try to just get out more and meet people--organized group meetings, church, sign up for a class, etc. You might be surprised how many new friends you will make. There's a nice book written by Gary Chapman titled "Hope for the Separated"; it helped me cope in the beginning. It has a lot of religious over tones, so I realize it isn't for everyone.