Funny you should mention south \ north, directions at all.
I got a job offer awhile ago in another province. It's still there if I want it. He got a job offer in the same province today.
It was a strange few hours. Wanna go? Why not. Blow this city and go explore something different for awhile. Money is better for both of us.
But holy batman.... the thought of not only moving.. but choosing a town to live in itself, I feel like a very irresponsible teenager right now.
Not saying it's a done deal. These things need some time to think about. Who knows.
But I cannot help thinking about my whole "follow my soul" speeches I've been giving myself lately.
But a strange day for sure. He started his new job today, of all days to get an offer. I went back to work after some extra days off all smiling and sunburned, and ready to take on the crap I was expecting. Except I just didn't have to mojo to get into it. Something was off. My radar was buzzing.
As for H....
He's not laying on the "I love you" like it's a question, he's not calling me all the time, he's definitely touchy, but in an aggressive kind of way. Like hugging me from behind and squishing me up against the counter and growling in my ear. Instead of the half hearted try to hug me when I walk by, he slides his hand across my butt. It makes me blush!!!
He's not asking for anything else, and neither am I. But he's flirting in a way he never has before. Almost like he's testing the waters, to see how it goes.
Ah, it must be a full moon or something. Maybe I got too much sun after all LOL.
The reocurring thought of the day is the whole idea that no one is perfect all the time. Including me. I think I am starting to forgive him for being an ass. That doesn't mean I want to stay married to an ass. But I might move to a new town and take a new job.
I like pictures. I drew some at work today to explain something. They emailed me and asked me to "visio that" Duoh I hate that program.
Thinking about the future again. And why I'm being so scared to do anything. I think when I took some time off work I found my balls too. (yeah, I probably have some little ones somewhere)
Maybe I should stop listening to Pink and Christina Augeliria on the way home from work. Girls rules!!! Feeling like not much is going to wreck my mood these days. It's not about getting out of a situation I don't like. It's more about letting my mind be free.
And I think it's just fear in there that was drowning me.
Draw a picture. Makes it simpler. It's just A to B to C.
And no straight lines allowed! Color me simple.
So I'm in a really pissy mood this weekend. Not a great thing to have to deal with. Also does not help that h did not "go away" for his turn this weekend. I didn't really push the issue either.
But no, I don't want to live with him. Or be in a relationship with him.
Not just because of the way he is (and I'm not asking him to change) but because he doesn't get it.
He's lazy. That's why I don't respect him. I'm going to pay his friend to finish the reno's in the house. Because he's too lazy to do it.
His new job is later hours. So he "thinks" that means I should cook dinner. Fine. I like to eat at a regular time. So he offers to do the dishes. And when I get up in the morning, the whole mess is still there. Including leftover food still in the pot on the stove GROSS. It bugs me. A lot. When he does do the dishes, he crams everything in the dishwasher, pots and all, and doesn't wipe off the stove or counters or anything. It's gross. And we have a coffee pot with a timer. But he doesn't put water and coffee in it, so I get up for work and have to look at a mess in the kitchen and make coffee.
Trivial crep I know, I know.
Yesterday he did go hiking with me and the dogs for a few hours. Then he took off to his uncle's to help out with something or another. Said he would be home to cook dinner.
I texted him at 7 and said I was starving. He said he was "just gonna call me" and he would be home in 5 minutes. He came home an hour later and I had already cooked and ate. No big deal, right?
Except he pulled the crap with "I will do the dishes" thing and I was pissed off when I went to bed and saw everything there. I just left it.
Today, I knew he had plans to go to a car show with his uncle. He told me about that yesterday. Then his brother shows up this morning, and they are discussing taking his jeep because they planned on going 4 wheeling after the show. I was mad, and let him know about it, right in front of his brother.
"Well, we only planned this last night".
"Well, you should have told me last night".
Why am I mad about this?
Because yesterday he made a point about asking me to do his laundry, making sure I would throw his stuff in too. He also made comments about wanting a roast for dinner on Sunday. Why did he do that? Because he had PLANS to be gone until late tonight. And his chief concern -- that his maid at home would do his laundry for work tomorrow, and have dinner ready when he got home. He used me this weekend.
When I mentioned this to him, he goes off about me talking to HIS friend and hiring him to paint the house, and I talk to HIS friend more than he does. In other words, totally off topic and would not address what I said to him.
I just answered all of that with a simple " I will not ask you to spend time with me, this is why we are going to split up. You live your life independently from me. I feel like your maid. I've been telling you this for the past year, and yet you never think of me first. You are selfish, you lie and manipulate, and use me".
He said nothing, of course. I told him to go have fun with his friends. I don't need you. But you owe me $30 for doing your laundry.
But yes, I will admit that often I feel HURT. Because he makes plans with other people, and doesn't tell me. And lies and makes it look like the plans were spontaneous. And here's me sitting at home, cleaning the house, cutting the grass, doing the laundry, looking after the dogs, and I don't get a chance to go out and do fun stuff as often as he does. Yes, I try and do all that stuff during the week, and I do go out with the dogs ALONE all the time. And I enjoy it.
But he makes me feel so freakin' used when I am around him.
And I know why. Because we aren't having sex.
So I gotta move out, pronto. My disrepect radar is off the charts. I'm tired of keeping my mouth shut and "understanding" that he has very little life skills. It's crap. I'm on the verge of calling him a complete loser and kicking him in the balls.
He can't even be a room-mate. Not to me, anyways.
Really, I don't care what he does with his time. But don't manipulate me and get ME to do things for you because you are lazy. I will not be used.
Because yesterday he made a point about asking me to do his laundry, making sure I would throw his stuff in too. He also made comments about wanting a roast for dinner on Sunday. Why did he do that? Because he had PLANS to be gone until late tonight. And his chief concern -- that his maid at home would do his laundry for work tomorrow, and have dinner ready when he got home. He used me this weekend.
You know my favorite saying.
Don't listen to what they say... watch what they DO.
I sent him a text saying we need to just end this and move on.
I'm packed for a week, going to my son's place. Back to living between two houses again, but then I'm out of town for work the week after next, so that's fine.
I will contact his mother tomorrow to make sure the dogs are looked after. I'll be upset about not seeing them, but I'll get over it.
I'm taking the job in another province, starts in November.
Leaving the dogs and everything else behind. MIL will find them good homes. They deserve better.
Just have to work on my anger right now. I'm still fuming. But I give myself credit. I've had a few hours alone this morning, and I fought the urge to wreck all of his stuff, or send nasty texts or even call and lite it off. It's not even worth my time.
Tomorrow I will feel much happier. Sigh. Got lots to do to plan my move. I'm getting excited!!
So I'm sitting at my son's place bored cause he is sleeping (he works nights) and will go to bed myself soon after he gets up and we visit for awhile.
He knows I came over and I'm staying a few days, but he's not impressed. He's 21. why would he be?
Anyways, he has not called me at all. Not sure why I'm surprised about that, I could probably bet money about which bar he is at. I'm still very very mad, although I'm also missing the dogs greatly.
Suck it up, here comes reality.
So I'm sitting at my son's place bored cause he is sleeping (he works nights) and will go to bed myself soon after he gets up and we visit for awhile.
He knows I came over and I'm staying a few days, but he's not impressed. He's 21. why would he be?
Anyways, he has not called me at all. Not sure why I'm surprised about that, I could probably bet money about which bar he is at. I'm still very very mad, although I'm also missing the dogs greatly.
Suck it up, here comes reality.
deejov,
You know I like you.
Of course he isn't calling. He doesn't need anything - right now.
So I did go home after cooling off for awhile. Out of anger that I pay some of the bills at home, and so why am I hiding because I'm so mad??
And a good friend of mine sent me some links to look at, and she is sending me a book in the mail. It's about "how to live with a passive aggressive personality".
I'm not even sure if this has been helpful. I've been thinking he's just being immature, lazy, and a jerk. So there is a label to it. So they say there is nothing that can be done about it, and run away as fast as you can.
But yeah, reading some of this stuff, he does fit a PA personality to a tee. Scarily. And even more so lately, because of the things he has said in the past two days.
Last two days has been WWIII. Fighting non-stop. Arguing. You said this, you said that. Until I blow up. And call BS and tell him to stop and just be accountable for his actions, he did something that upset me and I don't want to hear an arguement for 2 hrs about why he did it, and why he thinks he was justified and why it's somehow my fault. He's being very very passive aggressive right now. Not sure that means he IS. But my boundaries and limits are enforced, I'm certain of what I won't put up with, and I'm refusing to get sucked into any of it. He's desparate at this point.
But gawd it's tiring to have to defend myself all the time.
Reading that stuff just really put confirmed what I was thinking lately anyways. That there is something WRONG with him. Something is off. And boy it's not my problem.
And yup, they seek out co-dependent rescuers. His game doesn't work if I don't give him control. The biggest "sign" of all of this coming out was an explanation I read that a PA man will with-hold sex. That's the first thing they will pull back on. If they KNOW you want it.
We've been back to counselling again. And made a lot of progress.
Just in how we fight, mainly. And in communicating what has to happen for the future, specifically the house being finished, moving, and getting life back to normal.
I get to go work out of town again next week (whoot hoot) and I think (please please) that he is going to finish some renos while I am gone. That would be progress, to me.
I am enjoying the fact that I seemed to have figured out how to "manage" his PA tendencies, and me enforcing my boundaries is a very fast way to shut him down. He gives in pretty easily after that.
Funny thing happened last week too. He's been having hypoglycemia episodes. Yesterday I took him to get a bg meter and showed him how to use it. Today he came looking for me, kinda panicked because he was only at 4.5 and had the shakes and it was interesting to see him in that state, and telling me he understands now what I go through. still no medical explanation for it, but his body is pretty much compromised and doesn't work like the average person's.
I'm thinking it's a precursor to type 2, even though there is zero family history. But something isn't working quite right!
It's just sooo weird. To have to talk to him about what to eat and what to do. His dr. basically told him "ask your wife what to do" and they don't seem concerned unless his bg's go higher than average. Which they don't seem to do. Just lower than normal. Maybe overproducing insulin???
Anyways, the most interesting thing is both of our dogs know when I'm low and get very concerned. They did the same thing to him this morning.
Other thing that happened this weekend was a lot of talking. constructive things he came up with on his own about how to resolve some of our issues. It was very enlightening, to say the least. I'm happy that he seems to be finding his way. I hope he continues to do that! For his sake
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