Conrad

What are you pursuing for yourself while this is going on?

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

happyman64

But her doing these things without you is her choice.

So go do a few things without her and see how it feels.

And if you like it and you feel your head is clear then make the decision to R or D.

If she does not want to R the choice is easy then because you have no choice.

Make your own decisions but give it time.

kindi

It appears she's slowly but steadily moving away from you and establishing a new lifestyle, a new pattern, new activities, responsibilities, etc, and she's trying to find a way to effectively deal with you given that you still tend to be rather emotional at times even though you're doing a fairly good job of covering for it.

I'm sorry but I'm not seeing anything in her actions that indicates a wish to reconcile, only regrets that her life didn't work out as planned and she's gotta start all over again, and it's a hassle.

It doesn't sound like she misses you so much as she is feeling the old "broken dreams" syndrome, when the life you thought you had seems to go up in smoke and you're left picking up the pieces, all the more difficult with youngsters around who you both want to protect as much as possible from colateral damage.

You are trying to implement the 180, doing an "ok" job at keeping your distance but still sending strong messages to your wife that you want her back and you're reading between the lines looking for signs of hope. That really has to stop.

Stop reading her FB, stop talking to her about anything other than things about finances or the kids and setting up schedules. Leave out about how you feel, or how she feels and all that.

Lynn2437

Re-establishing a good relationship with my brother and his family. Going to alot of IC, twice a week for a month now to figure out why I am where I am and how not to ever be here again. I neglected nurturing any form of friendships with anyone because I was so wrapped up in family life. So I am to the point of wanting to meet people and try to step out of my comfort zone and try new things. I also started working out and I'm trying to stop smoking. I started reading Divorce Busters last night, I got that and Divorce Remedy from a used bookstore, guess I should keep up with those.

Lynn2437

All true and I will give it time, I just don't have a timeframe.

Lynn2437

The more she distances herself the more I go 180 on her, at this point, not to get her back but just because I am so numb and tired of all this that I really don't want to see/talk to her. I would have be fine if she had not called me and just let me do what was planned. I feel better on days we don't communicate.

I am considering blocking her facebook but I don't think I will. I think I will just delete my login, keep my profile and just not look at it, I'm not very active on it anyway. She is a FB junkie.

It's hard not to try to read between the lines but I do have to stop. I just want it to end, one way or another. I can be fine at this point with either choice (with demands for MC, ect. if R is her choice). I just hate the limbo. I have already started making a life for myself (apartment soon and new bank acct.), I am excited to a certain point about being whoever I want and not needing anything from anybody but it is hard, time will heal all. It will get better.

Conrad

Many women say they want a dedicated family man.

Yet, where men aren't able to "give enough" because they want their wife as their best friend, those efforts often end up with her losing respect for him as a result.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

Lynn2437

It's an unfourtunate and easy trap to fall in. The last time I did talk to her I told her thank you, because I feel as if I have woken up and will be a better person for it. She even had the nerve to tell me how much I have changed for the better since I returned from my deployment and that she can't believe her walls haven't fallen. She also said I will make someone very happy someday. F*** her, if she doesn't want to be that person.

Ah, bitterness, my old friend. There you are. Time to pick my head up and keep walking that long road. All will be well, it's just hard to see that right now.

I feel for my kids the most though, splitting time with me and a person who doesn't seem to care to be around them that much, maybe she will be better when she only gets them half the time.

Conrad

Wish I had a nickel for every whiny post I've seen from a guy about how he dotes on her by pushing vacuums and doing dishes.

There isn't a man in the world that EVER increased his attractiveness to his woman by how well he can push a vacuum.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

Lynn2437

Unfortunately for me I am a neat freak and she is a slob. I went to the house for something last week after not being there for awhile and it looked like an episode of hoarders. I called her to ask when she was getting home and the first thing she asked was if I had been in the house yet. I said yeah and she went on about being busy and whatnot, I just told her it was her problem now and I honestly didnt care. That kinda felt good and something that she took for granted.

Lynn2437

I found out how to unsubscribe from her Facebook posts. Not having the temptation to look at how "happy" she is feels good.

Now I can look at it without seeing her posts, I am glad that I am not that big of a FB junkie as alot of people nowadays.

Am I moving on?

Conrad

It's a step in the right direction.

Not needing our approval will be another step

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

Lynn2437

Lynn2437

Spent last Thursday having one hell of a pity party, don't know why. Jack Daniels and sad country music were my friends for the night. I was doing great the last few days. Oh well, woke up Friday looking forward to having my girls the next night. Took them to dinner and watched a movie. The next day we went to the park, actually had a lot of fun with my girls, I love them so much.

The W and I were supposed to do the budget but she didn't have any of it ready so she said we could do it Sunday. We ended up talking about the situation (started by me, I know, I know), well she said a few things that stuck out. For one, part of the convo included talk of the apartment and she said she didn't know how to feel about it. Second, she mentioned how much she misses me and how lonely she is. She talked about all the things I did wrong, ect. I validated and stayed fairly quiet. She is still mad about alot of things that made me feel like crap when she said them and she is just now starting to vent.

I went to the motorcycle rally in Sturgis for a little while Saturday afternoon and decided the only place I wanted to be was at home with my family so I went home. My W looked at me like I was crazy and asked what was wrong. I said this is my house too and I wanted to see my girls and just watch TV. She seemed relieved and quietly excited for me to show up. At one point I told her that I would be putting in the app for the apartment on Tuesday and asked her how she felt about it and she said she wanted me to wait a few weeks, that she didn't like the idea of going down that road yet. Then I told her since we have partly emotionally stabilized and that since the money would be tight that I may just move back home within the next month or so and that she would just have to deal with it. No clear answer from her but the way she responded I felt as though she thought by that time it wouldn't be a bad idea.

I also gave her the article I had posted earlier in the thread and she didn't say much more than that it made sense in our situation. Well since she read that she asked me to stay the night that night. She sat real close to me on the couch and said she was lonley for me and wanted me with her, she said that it didn't change anything and no sex. I stayed. We spooned and just fell asleep. I could have died that night and been happy. For the first time in 2 months she was receptive to our physical intimacy. I asked her if she wanted to take the girls to the park the next day and she said it would be fine. When I got up she was still asleep, so I kissed her cheek and left. Later she told me she hadn't slept that good in weeks. Yesterday before I came over I called her and told her we would either go to lunch or dinner and asked which would work better and she said both, we went to lunch and then I grilled some chicken. When I left I asked if she had a good time or if it was awkward, she said it was a good day. She also asked for a couple of hugs this weekend, nothing long but she buried herself in my arms and let herself go for the briefest of moments.

She got a little snippy with me over something about the laptop and the OS but I told her I wasnt going to be treated like that and walked out, later she apologized.

She also mentioned that this may be another start or a new beginning twice. I didn't show her anything, only saying that I agree with her that I feel like this is a new relationship. Right before I went to sleep she texted me and said "thanks for a good day". I told her thanks for spending time with me and the girls and that I was glad I could make her sleep that well.

Well, this morning she had found a two day marriage retreat that she wants us to go to. She isn't totally different but since she read that article, she is very active with me and positive things about us, not a whole lot but more than this all started.

Conrad

You're still talking too much.

She will interpret silence as strength.

Use it.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH