As i am assuming it. She hinted to her friend that she wanted to see how I would react the this situation. That I would take control once everything had been left to one person. For years she handled the books, the tough decisions as i stood by.
She is impressed by my progress. She thought i would crumble, yet I rose up strong and fought back the urges to curl into a ball and give up.
She took my note yesterday as being angry. She loved my love note because it was from the heart. Something I didn't do very often.
Sad - I'm in no way defending your wife. There is no excuse for walking out on your husband and children with just a note.
That being said...you have admitted that she changed when her dad died. She may be dealing with some powerful things right now and she is not in her right mind. Grief makes people do strange things and she might regret this deeply when she snaps out of it.
Also, you keep saying that she did everything, ran everything in your family and household. She asked you to help and you refused to do so. It sounds like she tried to fix it and you did nothing to help or meet her halfway. Big mistake on your part. On this forum, when one spouse is messing up in a big way, often the advice is to leave them just to "wake them up". Your wife may have done this just to wake you up and it sounds like it worked. I don't excuse her walking out on your daughters at all but it sounds like she almost needed to do this to you in order to make you understand what she has been telling you all along. You need to own up to your part in this.
It might be too little, too late. But the only way you might win her back is to be strong, confident and competent in taking care of yourself and your girls. You need to do that for yourself and for your girls, but also if you have any hope of showing your wife that you can be the husband she wants. Women need a man to be a partner, a protector, strong and able to take care of the family. They don't need another child to take care of. Man up and take care of your little girls. Good luck! I really hope you guys can work this out.
Well I'm back, my wife walked june 1st so I found this forum. People here seemed against R so I left to handle it myself. We don't have kids an she moved out of state. She had called right after an left voice mail askinbg for divorce. Other than that call we had started making progress towards starting over. Seemed to me all the being desperate begging an pleading they say her not to do worked. We got to the pouint of talking alnost everyday for hours. Got to the point I bought her a plane ticket home. A week before she was to come back she had her Reiki/psyhcic instructer tell her we should wait a few more months. Was cool with that, but she also got invited to stay with some friends for what I thought a few days. Well that was two weeks ago, sunday I emailed to tell her she got a jury summons an it came back. Something made her completely flip. After going in a panic I contacted her friend, only then did she email me from a new account telling me she wants to file for divorce. So my point to telling this is when these guys say walk away an don't smother them trying to love them back listen. I didn't an now I got dumped again an starting over. I did what you've been doing an it could only buy a temporary fix. Posted via Mobile Device
Also, you keep saying that she did everything, ran everything in your family and household. She asked you to help and you refused to do so. It sounds like she tried to fix it and you did nothing to help or meet her halfway. Big mistake on your part. On this forum, when one spouse is messing up in a big way, often the advice is to leave them just to "wake them up". Your wife may have done this just to wake you up and it sounds like it worked. I don't excuse her walking out on your daughters at all but it sounds like she almost needed to do this to you in order to make you understand what she has been telling you all along. You need to own up to your part in this.
It might be too little, too late. But the only way you might win her back is to be strong, confident and competent in taking care of yourself and your girls. You need to do that for yourself and for your girls, but also if you have any hope of showing your wife that you can be the husband she wants. Women need a man to be a partner, a protector, strong and able to take care of the family. They don't need another child to take care of. Man up and take care of your little girls. Good luck! I really hope you guys can work this out.
This is EXACTLY the problem I'm going through. I feel like your wife feels (from what it sounds like). I feel like I've been taking care of HIM. I won't have kids knowing this about him. I need a partner and a protector and I don't have one. The difference with me here is that I will not leave our home unless I know for sure we are headed for divorce.
I want to take a step back from yesterdays note. I promise not to abandon you as I already abandoned you in the past and left you to fend for yourself in keeping us in our house. I will not remove you from the insurance, you need that car to see your children. I will not force you into the work needed to repair that car. My remarks were cold and certainly not something that will help the situation nor straight from the heart.
The sad part was when I came home on the Tuesday you left I had brakes in my hand to fix your car. That was my plan for the night. I realized I had to fix the things that were broken. The one thing I forget to fix was your broken heart. I returned the brake pads.. I could not return the emptiness you felt in your heart.
As you know my emotions are all over the place. I think of you all the time. I close my eyes and picture you standing there, smiling, reaching out for a warm embrace. I can picture us sitting having supper, I gaze in awe of such a beautiful woman, the mother of my children. I can feel you foot against mind in the warm sand of the beach.
I still feel your presence in the house. I can't sleep in our bed as the sheets still smell of you. Amie has taking over your spot in our bed and I know it because she feel your spirit there.
Through this time I have learned what true love is.Love isn't physical, it isn't the need for kisses,for hugs, for touches. It is a point inside of your body that screams to you at the top of it's lungs that this is the woman that makes your heart complete. You fight for her, you correct your issues so that you can be the knight in shining armor that she kissed and said I do on August 22, 1998.
I stood in that spot yesterday that we stood on August 22, 1998. I closed my eyes, I felt the love from our family, the pastor and pictured you walking towards me in that beautiful dress. How I couldn't believe that you were going to be mine, that you were going to be the mother of my children that you were going to be the woman above all others. I am crying thinking about it. The tears of joy, the stupid grin I had. The beginning of the most wonderful years of my life.
I remember how I held your hand as Sarah was born, how I was so proud of the child God had given us. So proud of the life you gave to me and said.. here is your daughter. God really blessed us that day. Then he decided to bless us with another girl. I almost forgot to take pictures as I stared at you in pure love for another special person you created and brought into my life. I feel honoured that you allowed me to become a father of two wonderful girls. Your unconditional love and trust that I would be able to provide a loving home for them is the best gift ever.
I remember your smile, how you believed in me that I could be the perfect father for your children. The glow you had as you slept beside our children in the hospital. How proud I was to be your husband.
You are a very special woman and not one tear I can shed or word I can say can express how much you mean to me.
I have a yearning for a newer life. A new home, and new job.
You have showed me that I can be more than what I have been displaying, more than what I have acheived, more than the path I have been walking. I don't need to accept my current life as the only life I can acheive. With work I can be anything I want to... I just have to try.. and keep trying. I have to be positive, to know that things will work out, that bills will be paid, that things will be alright.
It's not the materialistic things I yearn for. It's the quality of life, for our children, for you.
I want to see you go to school, to earn a degree, to become that person you really want to be. I found many ways we can make it happen. It was under our noses all along. I want to help you be that person that acheives her goals and be the supporter of your dreams like you have done for mine.
To be a husband is not just money, sex and children. It's a total commitment to you, to your beliefs, to your dreams. To be the rock when things go wrong, the be the ballon that helps pull you higher than you ever though you could go.
I tainted our relationship and stood in darkness as you tried to pull me into the light. I fought the thought of change. I fought to let you gently nug me in the right direction.
I'm not fighting anymore. I have applied for new jobs, started working on the house. Trying to make plans on how I would be able to sell it and get a home I'm actually proud of.
I would love it if you were beside me as we both start this new journey. We can go anywhere if we just put our mind to it.
I got your message you were sending on Saturday. I broke your trust. I never accomplished the goals I laid out for you. Be it laziness, be it selfishness, I didn't live up to me word.
To not live up to your word is the worst sin against your family. It causes a lack of trust, a fear that you are not truthful, that you are a liar, that you you don't care , that your not responsible.
It is a let down to all around me. Trust isn't the easiest thing to win back. I will have to show , through my actions, that I can live up to my word, that I can be counted on, that I am a man.
The disppointment in your eyes Saturday burned through me straight to my soul. It showed me that I wasn't being a man, I was being a weak boy. I was along for the ride, not climbing to the front of the line but happy to ride at the back. I allowed you to mother my insecurities. I allowed you to mend my wounds. I allowed you to not be you.
Men stand up for their women, they provide the most deepest needs to their wife. They don't back down from their decisions. They follow them through, they rise to the occassion, they tackle the hard tasks first.
Your expectations of me were left to crumble. I now have a pile of rocks that was once a mountain. A mountain that I could have climb upon and saw deep into my future. Right now I can't see through the rubble. I blinded myself with my own insecurities. I closed the path that were were walking on, I boarded up the dreams we had and hid inside like a little baby.
I have started on the changes i said would happen around the house. I am half way through the backroom roof repair ( with Amies help on the roof), we have purged the furnace room and laundry room.
I have a new Queen size bed coming as well as a new bed for Amie. I will be repainting both Amies and our room to brighten up the house.
I hope some day to win your trust. To show you everything I can be, to be that man you said "I do" to on August 22, 1998. For that it will take work. It will be a hard struggle. Words alone can not fix my wrongs.
I am having a hard time trying to find words. I am hurting and confused beyond belief. One minute you are telling me that this is how things are going to be and the next minute you are telling me you love me and miss me. To be honest I don't really miss you, emotions are much simpler without you in my life. You talk of trust yet you listen to people like Brett who tell you to be a complete ******* when you know that's not who you truly are. I'm sorry I had to hurt you but I felt and still feel it's the only way I can move on with my life and make it the best it can be. I love my job at TekSavvy. Once Sue stopped harping on me things are truly good. I think part of why I didn't want to go to work before was because I felt like all the work I was doing was for no good reason, I was barely paying bills and you were screwing around letting things continue to slide. I love my children and want them in my life but I feel that for your sake you need them there to give you a reason to go on. I think you need some answers from me and that's part of why you continue to go back in forth in your emotions. I don't care what any one says about me but you, that goes for any of my family or yours. Only we know the truth, honestly I am a bit disappointed that you continue to use your facebook like a diary, you're not going to get the true support you need there. I really think that you need to get some counselling on your own, I know I have issues and I am doing my best to work through them. I understand you are grieving so the reactions I'm seeing from you are not unexpected, you have to understand that I did most of my grieving before I even walked out the door.
I just don't think I can bear to have my heart broken anymore.
I do think for the children's sake we do need to sit down at some point soon and have a meeting, right now I am taking things one day at a time and so should you
I agree with you Lisa. I did let my emotions dictate my feeling yesterday. I was upset you only spent 45 minutes with them. I later found out that you only had a limited amount of money and that was the main reason. For that I apologize. Much like me you are strapped for cash.
I will not apologize for telling you how I feel or pouring out my soul to you.
I know you don't want to hurt me. I know you tried your best. I understand that. It hurts but I understand.
The reason i didn't make conversation with you over the last few days before you left was that I have a tendency to say stupid things. I had a feeling you were going to leave and i just didn't want to make it worse by opening my mouth. I read something on the Dr. Phil website to shut up. That's what I did. I was not going to fall at your knees, I was not going to grovel. I did already have a plan to take charge but you were not interesting in it. I thought maybe we could get through this and you would let me take over and show you how I could really be. I made my mind up while you were gone. To open a new chapter and to show you how it would happen. You wanted nothing to do with it.
I am trying each day to put one foot in the other and not follow the path i was headed. It is difficult not having you there in the morning.
I have defended you to the bitter end, many people made you out as the bad guy. I don't believe in that one bit. Your choice was one that was to make me a better man. Only your words touch my heart, I don't care what anyone has to say. If it comes from your lips it's gold.
You need to realize that when a man hits the bottom he can only go up. I have hit the bottom, I have seen the wrongs in my ways, I have seen the hurt i have caused. I am trying to make it better.
My heart is in pieces on the ground. I will be looking in therapy. I need it.
I do not take Bretts angry rants to heart. He would never do the things he says he would do. He is just an angry person. I would never follow any of his suggestions. He can't even make his own marriage work out properly.
Sad,
I don't agree with you taking all the blame for the failure of your marriage.
Your wife is saying she does not want to be married to you or be in a family with you.
Follow through with your attorneys actions. Set your wife on a planned visitation schedule and child support payments.
And you get your act together not because your wife left you but because they will make you a better man and father.
I am going to let you in on a little secret. I am not perfect in my wife's eyes. I am not always working or providing for my family at 100% of my potential.
And never once did my wife ever threaten to leave me or go to walk out of our house.
We communicated our feelings, we compensated for each other when one of us was trying but not succeeding.
We never ever considered leaving our children with just one of us to fix ourselves or use them to make a point to the other spouse.
Your wife has issues my friend. You might have been lazy, not listening to her or not working to your potential but she still did not have to leave you or your kids.
The word that describes your wife in my mind is "SELFISH".
Work on you and listen to your lawyer. And stop pouring your heart out to her. It is pushing her farther away. Just work n you and better your life. Hopefully she will wake up Nd get her crap together. If not you will be a better man for the next woman.
I texted her tonight. I told her I wanted to fix the brakes on her car( there are non left on the rear). I told her I was scared she would get hurt and it would be wrong to not fix them when I'm capable to do it.
She said ok.. I told her I would pay for it. She said she would pick up the parts if I put the money in our joint account. I agreed and will order the parts for her to have on the counter when she gets there.
For this she would have to come to the house though cause that is where my tools are.
I then asked her if I could cook her supper while she was here. She said well see how.things go.
I know I broke a few rules today but I can seriously let her drive with no brakes. That is just wrong. Posted via Mobile Device
273Likes
Re: My Wife Left Last Tuesday 
