Dadwithtwolittlegirls

No... the girl she is with is certainly not gay

foreverheartbroken

Yes that was. Not even useful.

And I don't think you were "whining" at all when you were expressing your feelings. You were just stating facts. How is that "whining"? I wish my H would express himself to me the way you are to your wife. I wish he would express himself at all (I'm the walking away spouse here in my scenario). I hear nothing from him as far as what he wants to do to repair our marriage. I have to get him to MC to get him to express himself. Too bad he won't do it for me, unfortunately he needs a counselor to do it. HOPEFULLY he will.

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

MY wife so far doesn't want to see a MC.

I still haven't got a response from my letter this morning...

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

The way I know my wife that wouldn't happen...

Anyways she wouldn't like being the pitcher.. only the catcher..

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

It's been a half day.. how long should I let her sit with the note before I send her something else?

lulubelle

STOP!!!!! do not send her anything else! you need to stop thinking about it. put a rubber band around your wrist and every time you think about calling/texting/emailing her, snap yourself with the band. i know you're in the initial freak out and obsess phase but the sooner you can move out of this phase, the better. the worst thing you can do is contact her right now. imagine her sitting smuggly thinking "he's going to freak out when i don't respond. i bet before he goes to bed tonight i'll get another message from him!"

prove her wrong.

you need to be strong and NOT contact her. she will have to contact you eventually if she wants to see her kids, and on what she's currently earning, she will also be asking you for money soon. right now YOU are in control, and she probably doesn't like it.

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

OK.. so the letter I wrote shows her my intentions and I have the upper hand now.

I just need to wait on her move?

If she asked for visitation do I just say that we will be going by the schedule I wrote and nothing else?

Time to be the a$$hole here?

lulubelle

don't be an *******, just be assertive. only change visitation if it effects her work schedule. do not go out of your way for her.

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

Ya.. true...

This is gonna be hard.

I know she is getting in contact with one of her closest friends tonight. Actually the one I called to cry to when i found the note. She thinks my wife snapped after her dad died.

I know she will have an INTERESTING conversation with her. She is older.. much like a mother figure to her and shares the same belief system in spirituality.

She really wants to know what is going on in Lisa's mind right now... that is for sure.

keko

Since you're new on this site I'll go easy on you. Simply have a look at few older threads in this section and see how often, if any, a spouse that left came back when the other spouse was "whining" or stating the facts as you say it. There is a reason why nice guys finish last and even a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy".

keko

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

Well. she only told her a few days before she left that she was thinking about leaving. Lynda asked her... do you still love him..

She said yes I do still love him..

Then out of the blue she is gone..

Lynda wants some answers...

keko

Why didn't Lynda tell you about her intentions of leaving before?

You need to stop involving/talking to these "friends" until your relationship with your wife is back to normal.

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

It was during the weekend Lisa was away... as soon as she came home she told me she was thinking of leaving.. Lynda didn't have a chance to tell me.

This was the first person I thought of to confide in when I found the letter. She had no choice but to be involved then...

Dadwithtwolittlegirls

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