My wife has been upset about finances. She also had her father die suddenly three weeks ago in a car wreck. We have been married just under 14 years.
She went away for the weekend with her girlfriends and told them she was thinking about leaving me. She told them she still loved me just couldn't stay any longer.
She came home from her trip on the Saturday. We went shopping like always and had a great BBQ. On Sunday we took the kids to camp. From that moment on she stopped talking to me. I didn't say anything thinking it would make it worse.
On Tuesday I came home from work to find her stuff gone and a letter on the counter. She said we both know it's over, I was a good man and take care of myself. She needs to be free. She is 34 I am 40.
Only three weeks earlier she was all over me telling me she loved me more than ever, during the July 1st weekend we cuddled watching the fireworks with our kids.
Now she's gone.
It has been a week and we haven't spoken. She left me with an 8 year old and 12 year old girl. She is living with a friend from work and I know she is struggling since she only works part time.
I just wan her to come home. We are partners in a business everything we have is in joint accounts. She has only seen the kids once in two weeks and says to my daughter in a text that she might see them next week.
Her father dying in a car wreck three weeks ago is a life changing event -- that people react to in different way. Your wife needs to get to an IC and talk about her issues that she is having within herself.
To be honest -- her leaving the kids behind than she leaving you tells me she has deeper issues that she needs to admit to and confront/resolve.
I do agree... but after her dad died I saw her attitude change. I mentioned maybe she was depressed and she went off the handle. She was estranged from her dad since she was 14.. but always hoped one day he would call. He never did. He never saw his little girl get married or met either of his grandkids.
I had to tell her that he died as i was the one who found out first. That was terrible. Three weeks later I had to tell my girls that their mother had left. That was the most horrible thing I have ever done in my life.
When she did talk about leaving she said that she couldn't trust me to man up and look after the bills and groceries and other things around the house. She said she had been hinting but it never got through. She said she probably wasn't gonna stay. I made the money.. she was sick of having to do all the finances.
But when we went out shopping she kept saying WE on everything. I thought we were gonna work it out.
Since she has been gone I have gone through every dime of debt and figured out what we would need to get through the debt. I guess i just did it too late.
Well... last week I paid some bills from her paycheck. She told me to put it back. I told her that she will have to contribute to the house her children live in. She works part time and she said i need to give her time to find a second job so she can give me some child support.
She said her money was hers.. she would pay half the insurance on the cars/ half the life insurance and half the cell phone bills but nothing to do with the house.
you've already gotten some great advice. my thoughts pretty much mirror others.
1 she needs IC. there are issues she's not dealing with
2 separate finances. she isn't behaving in a "normal" way, so don't put anything past her. she wants to be on her own, fine. you shouldn't have to foot the bill.
3 talk to a lawyer and consider filing. if you guys R, you can choose cancel.
4 find out if there's somebody else or a bad influence in her life. definitely start with phone and computer records.
5 consider family counseling for you and or your kids.
please post/vent/ask questions here as much as you want. we have all experienced, to some extent, what you are going through.
Of course I am curious to what she is doing. Her family is pissed at her. She hasn't talked to her best friend since she left. She literally walked away from her entire life...
same thing happened to me, dear. his friends, family, even his best friends parents were shocked and pissed by his leaving. one of his best friends told me they were going to make "team lauren" t shirts.
very often i think walk aways block everyone out. probably because deep down they know what they're doing is wrong.
When I went to the bank to tell them what happened she insisted that I get my own bank account and to get any direct deposits moved to that account. She will also not be able to see our bank manager now since we are separated there are privacy reasons.
I just never realized how much she did. It's tough making a budget.. and now i need to go shopping on my own for the first time in 16 years. ( married 14 together 16)