My Wife Left Last Tuesday

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-23-2012, 01:46 PM

My wife has been upset about finances. She also had her father die suddenly three weeks ago in a car wreck. We have been married just under 14 years.

She went away for the weekend with her girlfriends and told them she was thinking about leaving me. She told them she still loved me just couldn't stay any longer.

She came home from her trip on the Saturday. We went shopping like always and had a great BBQ. On Sunday we took the kids to camp. From that moment on she stopped talking to me. I didn't say anything thinking it would make it worse.

On Tuesday I came home from work to find her stuff gone and a letter on the counter. She said we both know it's over, I was a good man and take care of myself. She needs to be free. She is 34 I am 40.

Only three weeks earlier she was all over me telling me she loved me more than ever, during the July 1st weekend we cuddled watching the fireworks with our kids.

Now she's gone.

It has been a week and we haven't spoken. She left me with an 8 year old and 12 year old girl. She is living with a friend from work and I know she is struggling since she only works part time.

I just wan her to come home. We are partners in a business everything we have is in joint accounts. She has only seen the kids once in two weeks and says to my daughter in a text that she might see them next week.

So far the girls are doing ok.

samyeagar · 07-23-2012, 01:51 PM

It doesn't matter what you want. You can't make her want anything. It is particularly troubling that she, a mother, would willing leave her children so abruptly.

jh52 · 07-23-2012, 01:59 PM

Her father dying in a car wreck three weeks ago is a life changing event -- that people react to in different way. Your wife needs to get to an IC and talk about her issues that she is having within herself.

To be honest -- her leaving the kids behind than she leaving you tells me she has deeper issues that she needs to admit to and confront/resolve.

Good luck !!

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-23-2012, 02:05 PM

I do agree... but after her dad died I saw her attitude change. I mentioned maybe she was depressed and she went off the handle. She was estranged from her dad since she was 14.. but always hoped one day he would call. He never did. He never saw his little girl get married or met either of his grandkids.

I had to tell her that he died as i was the one who found out first. That was terrible. Three weeks later I had to tell my girls that their mother had left. That was the most horrible thing I have ever done in my life.

When she did talk about leaving she said that she couldn't trust me to man up and look after the bills and groceries and other things around the house. She said she had been hinting but it never got through. She said she probably wasn't gonna stay. I made the money.. she was sick of having to do all the finances.

But when we went out shopping she kept saying WE on everything. I thought we were gonna work it out.

Since she has been gone I have gone through every dime of debt and figured out what we would need to get through the debt. I guess i just did it too late.

DjF · 07-23-2012, 02:07 PM

Man up now and cut off the joint finances...she ow she responds to that!

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-23-2012, 02:10 PM

Well... last week I paid some bills from her paycheck. She told me to put it back. I told her that she will have to contribute to the house her children live in. She works part time and she said i need to give her time to find a second job so she can give me some child support.

She said her money was hers.. she would pay half the insurance on the cars/ half the life insurance and half the cell phone bills but nothing to do with the house.

DjF · 07-23-2012, 02:25 PM

is the house in her name too?

the guy · 07-23-2012, 02:25 PM

So who is this friend/coworker?
Aren't you the least pit curious on what she is up to?
How much money is she milking out of the joint account?
How much debt is she racking up while still your wife?

Now is not the time to have a pity party, but pull your boot straps up and get busy in finding out everything you can about what is really going on.

Being in the dark is the best way to get screwed over and unprotected, emotionally and finacially.

Soon she will start to really miss the kids and she will want them, and you won't have a clue as to were or what your WAW is exposing them too.

Sure she *was* a great mother, but she isn't the same mother now, so get busy and investigate what she has become, and protect your self.

Filing for divorce and having her served is completely different then when the divorce is finalized, there is always a waiting period and during this time she may turn a corner back to the family.

But she must see that there are consequences for the way she is behaving.

Sure she lost her father before resolving some issues and is meesed up, put normaly folks get the help they need in dealing with there problems before tearing a family apart.

So please take some time and quitely look into her current behavior, Don't tell her and go get some answers.

Start with cell phone and credit card statements. Google search the friend/co worker and get there story. Look at internet history on the computor she uses if you still have it. Check social sites.

Start digging around and see what come up it may answer some questions.

tacoma · 07-23-2012, 02:31 PM

Seperate yoursel financially, all bills cards accounts seperate.
Do this immediately.

Check her phone logs and email for communication with an OM.

Who is the friend she moved in with?

Male, female?
Married, divorced
Posted via Mobile Device

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-23-2012, 02:32 PM

The girl is a single lady she works with. I have a few friends that know her and she is not a very nice lady. I think it was the only room she could find to stay at.

We are co on everything we own except the vehicles. That are all in my name.

I sent her a love note an hour ago telling her how I felt about her. I didn't beg or anything. Just told her I love her and miss her. I didn't even mention the children.

She hasn't changed her password on FB so I could easily log in from here but i don't want to. She did un-friend me and put her status to single.

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-23-2012, 02:33 PM

Of course I am curious to what she is doing. Her family is pissed at her. She hasn't talked to her best friend since she left. She literally walked away from her entire life...

lulubelle · 07-23-2012, 02:43 PM

you've already gotten some great advice. my thoughts pretty much mirror others.
1 she needs IC. there are issues she's not dealing with
2 separate finances. she isn't behaving in a "normal" way, so don't put anything past her. she wants to be on her own, fine. you shouldn't have to foot the bill.
3 talk to a lawyer and consider filing. if you guys R, you can choose cancel.
4 find out if there's somebody else or a bad influence in her life. definitely start with phone and computer records.
5 consider family counseling for you and or your kids.

please post/vent/ask questions here as much as you want. we have all experienced, to some extent, what you are going through.

lulubelle · 07-23-2012, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sadwithtwolittlegirls

Of course I am curious to what she is doing. Her family is pissed at her. She hasn't talked to her best friend since she left. She literally walked away from her entire life...

same thing happened to me, dear. his friends, family, even his best friends parents were shocked and pissed by his leaving. one of his best friends told me they were going to make "team lauren" t shirts.

very often i think walk aways block everyone out. probably because deep down they know what they're doing is wrong.

keko · 07-23-2012, 02:46 PM

Sounds like she found a boyfriend.

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-23-2012, 02:48 PM

When I went to the bank to tell them what happened she insisted that I get my own bank account and to get any direct deposits moved to that account. She will also not be able to see our bank manager now since we are separated there are privacy reasons.

I just never realized how much she did. It's tough making a budget.. and now i need to go shopping on my own for the first time in 16 years. ( married 14 together 16)