Orange1

me either, its so confusing so it makes me have high and lows and makes it tough for me to follow and stick to a plan. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just better off not trying anymore. I'm sure in a couple of hours I'll feel different. Welcome to the roller coaster of Hell I guess.

Orange1

Ok I'll just let it be.

mattyjman

don't ask, just start moving on. you are really trying to push her back, which is exacerbating the issue. just move on, and if she comes back to you, great. but all this pushing isn't going to help.

Orange1

I am trying to move on each day I get a little closer. She knows how I feel about R so I dont think there is anything else I can do but to better myself and set myself up for the future. Hopefully she realizes she wants to be in that future as my W. IC starts next week. I cant wait because I really need it right now.

kindi

Stop asking her questions. It makes you appear weak, insecure and "not in control" and makes it more likely that she's going to leave you.

Does this sound familiar? It should.

When you say this type of thing to her, it's obvious that she's got all the control.

For someone who is supposed to be a "follower", she's got you by the balls and you aren't giving her any reason to change the status quo.

Orange1

I think the whole giving her space is geared towards moving on with life. So I'll do the same and hopefully that will be reason for her to change when she sees me moving on.

Frostflower

As long as you realize that she may not come back to you. Do it for you, not her.

Orange1

Just for me, I'm ready to start making some progress. I have a IC set up for tmw afternoon. I cant wait to spill everything out in there its going to feel good.

Frostflower

It does feel good to talk to a counsellor. Let us know how it goes.

samyeagar

What are youhoping to find through counselling?

Orange1

I need to find myself again. The past 5 months I have been in a horrible depression. I need someone to talk to in person thats going to give me good advice on getting myself prepared for the future no matter what happens with this seperation. I need the counseling so I can also understand how a marriage is suppose to work so I dont train wreck my next one or If i get another chance with my W now.

Orange1

Today is the day of my first IC counseling and also my 24th birthday! What a way to spend it first work in the morning then straight to counseling. This morning my W dropped our daughter off at 6AM because she had to make it to work early and couldnt drop the baby off so she needed me to. Like always I'll help out when I can especially if it involes my baby girl. She did give me a card but no hugs or anything of that sort. The card was so bland it was something you give to your neighbors sons birthday lol. Then all it had was happy birthday (heart) kk and baby K. Its like she wanted to put the least amount of anything in there to let me know hey I dont want you to think I care. So I asked what time I needed to be ready to go for my birthday dinner and she asked why it mattered if I had other plans afterwards. I just repeated myself. Trying to stay positive but its getting hard to do knowing that everything doesnt seem to be getting better and she keeps getting more distant. I have been good about not talking about us and giving her space and being short but being happy and cheerful at the same time even though inside I'm crushed. Last night I was looking under the couch for the wedding ring my daughter somehow got and hide lol. But I found her Journal . . . As much as i didnt want to read it I did and I said screw it and read it as wrong as that might be. BOY dont I wish I saw that Months ago!!! All the signs were in there thats where she was pouring her emotions instead pouring them to me. I wrote a entry into it at the end and wanted to give it to her this morning but didnt still not sure If I want to I may rip it out. One thing she did write in there was Love Conqers all when all else falls. That really hit my heart because all else fell and she still left. WTF!

burgh_mom

Hi again Orange1,

IMHO her see-saw reactions merely reflect yours. This dance has apparently worked in the past. Sounds to me like guilt not love though. I would be careful how you are trying to gauge her feelings.

Another caution is that it sounds to me like she is expecting the MC to make some kind of judgement s/he is not equipped to make. Only the two of you know if there is a chance for the marriage.

My recent experience: My H was looking for an ally in our first counseling session. When he didn't get it in the MC, he refused to go back. We're in the NC (no contact) phase now. I'm tired of the name calling and hateful texts. Who needs that, really? So I just don't write back anymore.

Good luck with the MC. Hope you are both open enough to work it with love.

burgh_mom

This is a great point. Orange1, I belileve the goal is to get yourself back to the "real you," the you that she was attracted to in the beginning...the you that didn't "need" her. It's weird but in my experience that independence is very attractive. The needy, whiny, please-don't-leave-me mate would make me want to run. Fast. She may feel trapped near that guy. Open the cage. Let her go. You want her to come back of her own free will, not from guilt or dependency or manipulation.

Free will. Be strong. Even if you lose her, you'll be a step closer to moving on yourself.

Orange1

It has taken me a while to realize it but you and everyone else is right. I have to let her go to even have a chance of getting her back. I'm doing my best to be independent and strong. Not only mentally but physically too. I think she will notice over time and hopefully that grass aint so green on the otherside and she wants to R. I pray its just not to far down the road. I told her I'm giving her the space she wants and that she wont hear a peep out of me about us. That I'm moving forward in life with or without her. She has seemed to enjoy it so far.