Orange1

So I ve been doing the 180 for I'd say 4 days or so and my question is why am I all of a sudden a a$$hole? Everything I do she think I'm being an a$$hole. This morning she dropped our baby off at 6AM so she could make it to work and I could drop the baby off at the baby sitter before I went to work around 730AM and I keep it short and civil and as I'm standing there she says. you dont have to be such an a$$hole. I asked what I did to make me an a$$hole and her response was I can just tell . . .?? I'm confused. i use to bend over back wards to make everything easy on her thinking she would come back and now I've slowed down a bit and i'm an a$$hole. its kind of hard to hear because i ve done everything to help her. Any Thoughts?

Orange1

Maybe its her way of showing emotion...who knows.

Orpheus

You probably would benefit from looking at No More Mr Nice Guy. Your wife is confused by your sudden change of behavior and her loss of control over you is making her act out.

Whether or not the 180 is right for you is up to you to decide. I don't know that I blindly sign off on it; but it is a powerful tool.
Posted via Mobile Device

Orange1

I do think its her way of acting because shes not in control and maybe by calling me names I'll give in and beg her to stay because she wants me to think I'm still losing her. Tmw I'm telling her no contact for a month then we can decide what we want and take action. No more waiting after that. Maybe by pushing her close to a divorce she will see what shes missing.

keko

Plus "Married Men Sex Life Primer".

Keep up a hard 180. Never ever beg her to come back or even text her for random things. Man up and have her come begging to you.

Frostflower

Can someone please explain to this newbie exactly what a 180 is (and why is it called that)?

Thanks.

ImperfectMomma

My H is getting mad at me too....because I give him one word answers instead of inviting him into my lofe and telling him everything about my day. I think they just don't like being treated like they aren't the center of our world.
Posted via Mobile Device

keko

The Healing Heart: The 180

Orpheus

i can't find the link at the moment FF. Essentially, it's a list of about 35 action points about how to compose and comport yourself with regard to your ex. The main point being to do a 180 degree direction from throwing yourself at them. Put up walls, only speak when absolutely necessary, etc. Perhaps some kind soul can find a link for you...

[Ah, cross-posted with the very kind Keko]

__________________
Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself + No One Owes You Anything + Anthony DeMello's "Awareness" + the Rub + Just Let Them Go + Stop It.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” - Carl Jung

Orange1

I do understand what the 180 is. I know its about bettering myself and taking control of my life. So I guess the problem she is having is it looks as if I'm moving on with life without her so now she doesnt have the comfort of knowing she could come back whenever and now her best bet is to call me names. I would have to say since I ve been following these rules everyday I go a little more not thinking about her. Got a long road ahead because the pain is still outweighing the relief.

Frostflower

Thanks, everyone. The 180 is good advice. I agree, Orange, its about bettering yourself and taking control of your life. That's what's keeping me going. The little steps toward controlling my own life do help me feel better. But you're right, it is a long road. we can only hope that one day the relief will outweigh the pain.

Orange1

I'm having a bit of trouble today because after i pick up my daughter she will be at my moms house helping her cook dinner. Not sure why she wanted to come over knowing I will be there. Not to sure how to act tonight? Do I stay strong on the 180? last time she came over she spent the night. Do I say no to that? If she wants to talk do I open up?

jdlash

If she wants to talk, you listen. Provide statements that your listening, but no advice. If she is up for talking, it gives you a chance to see what she's thinking.

lulubelle

nc helped me tremendously. i will warn you it can get worse before it gets better. first week into nc, chad came home while i was away and moved 95% of his stuff out. at first i freaked out. then i realized he was just trying to regain control and was angry. by turning off my "chad switch" so to speak, i was able to start healing.

Orange1

I wish I could find a common ground of not contacting her but still giving an effort to make things work. I dont want to completely push her away with NC. I still want her to know that I want our marriage to work but at the same time I dont want to look weak. The first time she left I had to give it my all to bring her back and show her I was a changed man. Everything was good for a Month then I snapped my humerus bone in half and was put on disability for 4 months with pay luckily. I went into a depression and couldnt help much around the house and a week before i went back to work she left. Saying we fought to much and it went back to the way it was. Now thats a 2x4 to the face.