Frostflower

Today is/was/would have been? our 32nd anniversary. I've been in a funk for days, but today, surprisingly, I'm in a good mood. 'Course the day is young.

The sun is shining, which I don't get. It should be dark, gloomy and pouring rain, like it has been in my heart for the past three months. Instead its beautiful just like it was on our wedding day.

Due to the time difference between here and where we were married, I was barely awake at the exact moment that I would have been starting down the aisle 32 years ago. Probably just as well. It would have been awful to relive it moment by moment.

I can't help wondering if he even remembers what today is. And if he does, does he have even the slightest twinge of ....I dunno...regret?, love?

Crap.

I'm so glad I found this place, otherwise I think I would be sitting here crying. Just to warn you though, I may be back doing just that.

Frostflower

Its a few hours later and I'm still not sad and crying. I don't understand why. I thought I'd be a basket case today. I'm going through boxes in the storage cupboard trying to get rid of the heaps of stuff we have accumulated over the years. I'm avoiding one box that I know has things from our wedding. That I can't deal with. Don't even know what I would do with it all.

Our wedding day was the only day in my whole life that I felt like a princess. i didn't go to my grad, so it was the only day I've ever worn a long dress. I felt so special. I want that feeling back!

justabovewater

Hi Frost.

Our 23rd anniversary was Monday so I'm feeling you right now. I didn't have as bad a day as I thought I was going to have, but I still spilled quite a few tears.

I spent this past weekend in bed most of both days. See, he moved out of the house last year the day before our 22nd anniversary, so I knew the couple of days leading up to our anniversary were going to be hard, but I wasn't in for what happened. I posted here that he had taken off for the weekend and I suspected that he went somewhere to be with someone else. This put me in the worst funk. When I asked him if he was with someone he denied it. I saw him last night face to face and the subject came up again. He finally told me that he had taken the weekend to be alone as he knew that it was the anniversary of him leaving and our wedding anniversary and he couldn't handle being around here (We live very close to each other). Now I feel like a complete A%% for accusing him of being with someone else. My mouth isn't big enough to insert both feet.

I suggest you roll with the day and whatever feelings it brings and know that whatever you feel is right for you. I would also suggest to maybe put that box aside for a revisit at a later time. There may be some things in there that you'll want to hang on to...or toss, but it might be best to go through it later when it's not still so raw. I still have our wedding album in my hutch along with all of our wedding stuff. I plan to keep it for my kids (who are teenagers), or just stuff it all in a box and tote it around with me for the rest of my life. I'm not ready to make that decision yet. We're a year separated and I know he's not coming back, but I can't find it in my heart to throw it all out.

I hope you get through your day with the sun shining and the clouds stay away.

Frostflower

Thank you for the sympathetic thoughts. I'm sorry you went through the same thing on Monday. It sucks, doesn't it?

I had to chuckle when you said you might be toting your wedding stuff around for the rest of your life. I could see me doing that! I thought of saving it for my children, but I don't know if they would want it.

Well, here's to a better year for both of us. Hopefully next year at this time you and I have moved beyond the pain.

Hugs.

Mothra777

I have my 'would have been' 17th anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks. The first anniversary since my wife walked out. I don't know how I will feel about it but I have already organised to spend that weekend with friends down in Sydney. We are going to eat fine food and drink plenty of wine. I am going to treat it as a 'wake' for my dead marriage. I am hoping it will be another stepping stone to recovery rather than a 'pity pit'

Frostflower

Good for you, Mothra! I had expected to be deep in a pity pit all day, but it didn't happen. Spent the day going through boxes of junk in the storage cupboard, which actually felt good. By purging, I am creating a better environment for myself. Its a relief to get rid of stuff that has been weighing me down. I also spent some time painting Christmas ornaments, which is a hobby I haven't touched for years. Finishing up projects started a long time ago feels great too. I'm on a roll!