MyselfAgain...literally

MyselfAgain · 07-31-2012, 04:24 PM

Got a call from stbxh's parents, who live in another country. I didn't answer for a few days thinking that there is nothing I can do for them nor them for me...but they didn't let up, so today I answered.

Turns out they haven't heard from their son in a month or so...maybe two. As far as we know he isnt working, he doewnt have a var or cell phone, and he is living with a female "friend" who he said is lesbian but I think bisexual. At the very least she is his new bff, and best...you know the drill.

I have spent the last four months working to grieve, lose weight, concentrate on my family and work, etc. I still need to make some single friends, I am struggling with that as I just haven't had the time or energy to get out of my usual environment lately...I work a lot and then have family demands, nevermind the hours I spend on the phone most days trying to deal with the mountain of bills and debt my stbxh literally walked away from. See unlike most of your exes, mine is from another country and couldnt care less about his credit here. So if he doesn't pay bills, I am the only one whose financial life is ruined.

Anyway, I'm slowly digging out of the paper mountain. Slowly throwing away things that trigger me, and making my space mine again. Slowly learning to take care of my boundaries and feelings, to reach out when i need help, and to trust people who are trustworthy.

Four months. Kinda hoped I would be ready to date again by now. I know now that it takes as long as it takes. But I sure do miss companionship. Just not ready to risk my heart yet. I tried to put it out there recently and it got a little squashed...I have more work to do.
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Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-31-2012, 04:34 PM

If you want to take your mind off of it.. go to OKcupid.com and answer the 1000 plus questions they have for matching people. I'm not looking for a date but the questions were sure interesting and at 5 hours in I still haven't answered all the questions.

BEWARE: some get personal but most just cracked me up or made me think.

samyeagar · 07-31-2012, 04:52 PM

*hugs* I'm proud of you my dear.

Frostflower · 07-31-2012, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sadwithtwolittlegirls

If you want to take your mind off of it.. go to OKcupid.com and answer the 1000 plus questions they have for matching people. I'm not looking for a date but the questions were sure interesting and at 5 hours in I still haven't answered all the questions.

BEWARE: some get personal but most just cracked me up or made me think.

Do you think that's a safe site?

sadwithouthim · 07-31-2012, 05:40 PM

You don't need a man right now! You just as I and most on here need to heal and find our own happiness first or new relationships will never work. Its just another recipe for disaster. I know its hard to find friends, i have that trouble too but do try to find same sex friends. Keep up the good work. I always look up to you.
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MyselfAgain · 07-31-2012, 07:59 PM

Sadwithouthim, you are so sweet! I agree that I'm not ready to date, and actually I was feeling fine with being single until another one of my male friends, who I had been getting closer with, took a step back because our flirting might be awkward when he starts dating in the next few weeks. I guess I was just enjoying learning how to flirt and relate to a man again...and maybe I became a bit attached. The last thing I need while I'm trying to heal! It's hard though, when I am meeting so many guys who are sweet and so unlike my ex (ie, mature!), its no wonder I am developing felings for one of them.

Sadwith, looking at the guys on dating sites feel so...impersonal to me. I'm sure I will do online dating when I'm ready, but man do I hate it!

Sam, thank you...I appreciate your constant support.

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Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 07-31-2012, 08:02 PM

I hate it too... I did it to pass some time. I'm nowhere ready to date either.

MyselfAgain · 07-31-2012, 08:08 PM

I didn't think you were! Fortunately I have plenty to do to pass time...just not always able to keep my mind in mu work, etc. Nighttime is hard though...I live alone and even the sound of the tv in FB background doesn't help much anymore.
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Lifescript · 07-31-2012, 08:18 PM

Myself,

You will be alright. You just need some more time. Hugs!
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muriel12 · 07-31-2012, 08:23 PM

Myself - It's great that at least you were able to develop some interest in men. It means you are starting to recover.

I felt like even the word dating is hauting me, let alone marraige.

MyselfAgain · 07-31-2012, 08:25 PM

Script, thanks baby

Muriel, great point! Thanks for pointing out that the glass is half full. You will feel better and better as the weeks go on...don't worry. We will help clear the cobwebs.

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MyselfAgain · 08-01-2012, 08:21 PM

Stuck in bed, sick. Miss having someone to bring me tea and tissues. Can't sleep at night, so irritable. It's summer, this isn't what I want to be doing!!!
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muriel12 · 08-01-2012, 09:02 PM

Myself - I hope you are not still sleeping in the same bed that you guys slept together before. That was the first thing I had to do. Sleep in the second bedroom. It helped me a ton. Still in the same house, so the memories are there. I don't think being alone is a good thing. Try having a roommate or something. Either way, we are here for you.

Sadwithtwolittlegirls · 08-01-2012, 09:06 PM

I have been on the couch since my wife left.. can't sleep in the matrimonial bed...

samyeagar · 08-01-2012, 11:35 PM

Honestly, I would love to have the bed we had. It was a king and was very comfortable...beats the hell out of the futon I have been sleeping on. And would be better if I was sleeping in it alone than she and the other guy