She's afraid that he'll do something to affect her contact with DS. She lives 1200 miles away and doesn't see him very often -- this time it's been since May 2011. She seems very sure that there will be repercussions, though I haven't had a chance to ask about it. It's just so ridiculous that he treats her this way. But she adores DS and Chinless knows it. DS is a bargaining chip in this situation. For me, too, in a way.
I am starting to worry, though, and I hope it's for nothing. I haven't spoken to DS since we said good-bye on Tuesday. When I called him to say good-night last night, the phone went right to voicemail. I was told he was staying with his grandmother at her hotel. I've a sneaking suspicion that they went out of town, or maybe only Chinless & OW went out of town and left MiL and DS to fend for themselves. IF he took DS out of town without telling me, which is part of our yet-unfiled Parenting Plan, there WILL be hell to pay. I'm trying not to assume that's what happened yet, but it seems weird that there's been no contact about seeing DS.
I bet he's just playing games , he seems to like that - knob
What 'adult' tries to manipulate like that with his own mother and his own son ?
Still not sure how he could stop his mother seeing DS - she can arrange it through you on your time just as much as him on his time. Oh well, I'm sure there's good reason you're willing to play along. Just gets me cross all the way across the Atlantic
I don't even know what to say. I can't take this anymore. I start out talking to him confident, energized, head held high, and I walk away confused, hurt, angry, and ready to cry from mental exhaustion. This night did not go the way I thought it would.
How can she stand him? I know it's not the sex. That couldn't possibly make up for the way he is.
And to think I gave up a strip tease fitness class for that.
Sh!t. Why is so much stuff coming back into my mind right now. I haven't had these kinds of flashbacks in a long, long time. It's ironic, because lately I've been doubting myself that my situation with him really wasn't that bad. That he's right when he says I make too big of a deal of it, and that it wasn't abuse.
But these episodes are just raining down on me tonight and I'm feeling all those horrible feelings I had then. Low, stupid, unworthy, ridiculous, crazy, paralyzed, desperate, lonely, scared. That little kernel deep inside that says:
He knows you better than anyone. What he says must be true. Look at you. He's right.
I guess that's another part of me fighting back; reminding me that it was truly bad. I'm not making it up. He didn't know me at all. That wasn't me that was living with him. It was what I had to become to get from day to day. I did the best I could at the time. I know that.
I am not defined by the way he treats me.
I am so much better off than I was then. I'd almost forgotten that pain. Maybe it's good to be reminded of it every now and then. It hurts to realize how much was wasted that could have been good. But I stopped it. It wouldn't have turned around if I hadn't decided to leave. If I'd kept begging him to try again and work on our 'marriage.'
He treats me this way because he is weak. I am strong because I walked away. He hates to see me confident and strong. I know that. He has to bring me down to feel better.
I am right to stand up for myself. That doesn't make me a b!tch. It makes me a strong woman who isn't taking his sh!t anymore.
But I am tired. I need to be even stronger. But I made it tonight. I did OK. I didn't cry. I got angry when it was warranted, but everything was held in check. I made him apologize and admit when he mischaracterized me. I just need a good night sleep. I'm worried about my lawyer appointment tomorrow and stressed out with this crap with my MIL. I have group tomorrow, and the next night I'll be dancing under the stars.
Focus on the future, AP. That pain is not you anymore.
Pixelle, I think you're just amped up because of the MiL visit and tomorrow's lawyer visit. You'll feel better about everything with a few hours and some rest behind you. Posted via Mobile Device
[QUOTE=angelpixie;993326]
I guess that's another part of me fighting back; reminding me that it was truly bad. I'm not making it up. He didn't know me at all. That wasn't me that was living with him. It was what I had to become to get from day to day. I did the best I could at the time. I know that.
I am not defined by the way he treats me.
He treats me this way because he is weak. I am strong because I walked away. He hates to see me confident and strong. I know that. He has to bring me down to feel better.
I am right to stand up for myself. That doesn't make me a b!tch. It makes me a strong woman who isn't taking his sh!t anymore.
[QUOTE]
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I had a 'Stand Up and Cheer' moment reading this, Angel. Made me flash back to Norma Rae - not sure why, maybe it's because you both have cute noses If I was as clever as Lon, I would make the sign say "Screw Chinless" instead of "Union"
I am so sorry to hear that once again Chinless is being a complete and utter poop. He is so incredibly manipulative. He tries to tear you down in order to justify his very existence He is so profoundly worthless...sooooo worthless.
I am so sorry to hear about your tough night. ...but, as OldGirl stated above, I am just so happy to hear that you are sticking up for yourself. I am so happy to hear that you are fighting and not allowing him to tear you apart.
Chinless deserves to be knocked down.
I think that YellowRoses gave some good advice. I know that my mental health has greatly improved since I cut Sasquatch interactions to a minimum. Every couple of months, I relent and try to have a "normal" conversation with him....but, it always ends is frustration and anger. Like Chinless, he has a way of making me feel like my perspective is warped and wrong.
In reality, though, it's their perspectives that are delusional. You know that though, Angel. Chinless' brain does not work right. He is so screwed up....and he is just such a complete and utter poop.
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Re: Angel's Journal/blog 
If I was as clever as Lon, I would make the sign say "Screw Chinless" instead of "Union" 
